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What cologne smells like pine?


Dick Quickwood

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ooh a real funnyboy, why don't ya just let me show you just how goddamn funny that was

 

 

it wasn't funny. it was serious.

 

if you want to smell like a pine tree you shouldn't be wearing cologne.

 

or at least get creative and buy 15 of those air fresheners and soak them in alcohol to leech the flavor out and pat that on after shaving.

 

only then will you achieve the country backroad aura you desire.

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* A small amount of Orange Clean behind the ears will make one smell both citrus fresh and attract fewer ants than actual orange juice.

* For those with long tresses, wrapping a scrunchie around a packet of potpourri overnight (cinnamon is especially easy to get in the holiday season) results in a cheap, portable hair-pomander. Removing the packet in the morning is advised.

* Clothes which smell heavily of cigarette smoke, et.al., can be freshened with a scent-neutralizing spray such as Febreze, and burying them in cedar balls will help them smell better that much faster.

* Air freshener trees are available in a number of scents and colors, and are certain to accessorize even the dullest of outfits.

* Keeping a small vial of peppermint oil around one's neck may not make one smell pleasant in and of itself (unless left open, of course), but makes for a welcome life-saver should one need to dissect something or clean the WC.

* A smallish envelope filled with spices and sealed can be slipped into a shirt pocket to freshen the air around oneself. It is advised not to stuff said envelope too full to avoid questioning looks.

* Small bits of cloth soaked in furniture polish or floor cleaner (such as the pine-fresh favorite that is Pine-Sol) result in delightful talismans against horrible smells.

* A scented dryer sheet can theoretically be used in the place of a handkerchief in a pocket or a ribbon in one's hair, though it is advised to at least draw a little border along the edge.

* Bathe, dammit.

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