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PERMAFRIED_

adderall fucking blows.

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this is gonna be long because i'm on it right now. be forewarned.

 

so i'm currently visiting my parents and brother out of state for the hoelidays. after receiving a letter from my university stating that i've been placed on academic suspension for a year (FOR THE SECOND TIME since 2003), the rents and i have decided that something needs to be done (preferably NOW) about my complete inability to function productively.

 

as far as a backstory goes, i have a PROFOUNDLY addictive personality and am basically the most severely ADD person in this hemisphere of the world. these are two things that my family and i have never verbally acknowledged to eachother until about a week ago, even though it's been very apparent for at least the past decade. basically, i have an abundance of energy and my mind is fucking racing at light speed at all times. this, combined with the fact that i have ZERO attention span, causes me to act like a fucking obnoxious, self-destructive 8-year old spazz. yeah, it's fun and funny sometimes, but not all the time, every day.

 

so a today we decided that i'd give adderall a "trial run," taking one of my brother's 30-mg timed release adderall capsules this morning. it was fucking magical to say the least. i've used and abused adderall before, but only in high recreational doses (to get fucked up). this is the first time i've taken it properly and i'm ALMOST convinced that it's exactly what i need. it allowed me to channel my previously spinning, unbridled energy into completing productive tasks that actually take more than 5 seconds and 3 brain cells to complete. i had little to no desire to continually verbally assault people at the top of my lungs, beat on my brother all day, binge eat, break shit, do drugs, or run up and down the stairs 5 million times in five minutes, which is usually the norm. it was great.

 

so here's the dilemma:

i'm kindof worried that adderall might kill me one day. i suspect that i've done some (possibly significant) damage to my body (namely my circulatory system) from past heavy drug abuse. also, i pretty much fucking despise any stimulants more potent than caffeine, for reasons that i may or may not discuss later on in this thread.

 

so to sum it up, i see that this drug has HUGE potential to increase my focus and productivity (as stated previously, both are usually nonexistant). i'm just stressed about health risks, and i hate the stimulant side effects.

 

i'm seeing a psychiatrist next week (pigs are fucking flying, people...i swore i'd never do it), so i'm sure he'll be able to clear alot of this up, but i was just wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience or had any insight to offer. that, and i'm fucking wide awake and i feel like typing lots of words. hahaha.

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