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Dear ________,


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Dear Microsoft,

Ive paid for your product, now 3 days later I have received the download link and its fucked… Error message? STOP IT!

For a software company, your purchase and download process is pretty much the worst. My presentation is due tomorrow and I need pathetic power point to work like now.

Im unfollowing Bill Gates on twitter in protest. HOW YOU LIKE THAT???



Dear b,


i don't think that it's supposed to take 3 days. complain bad enough to where they give you free stuff. That's what i'd do.



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dear wedge,


i figured it out.. its like the symbiote venom.

my reclusion was like mr fantastic using the sonic blaster on it and my misadventures found a new host..ie you.


godspeed sir it gets even more absurd from here on out.


sincerely elis sies the 3rd.





what the hell does it mean when a girl says " i was/am a hot mess" ?


Dear Moog,


In my experience. Problems with hard drugs.



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dear naked black female running down 12th street last night,


wow...you were like 20 or 21 right?...you actually had a nice body...nice boobs, nice ass... in great shape...but what the fuck were you doing running down the street at 8pm at night butt ass nekkid?...and in front of a cop car too!...well, lucky for you, i had spare clothes in my car, and when the cops pulled you over, i pulled over too, jumped out and gave you a t-shirt that covered your whole body....youre welcome...and you can keep the shirt.




p.s. thanks for the eye full.

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dear dts,


yeah, she was...when i walked up to her and said "you better throw this on" her eyes were bugg-eyed, and what i was saying didnt really register to her.


i felt bad though, cause other than being on something, she looked like your normal everyday girl.



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Dear dears,


Happy Easter!


'Tis my favourite 'holiday'; chocolate, lamb roast, cake and loads of old musicals on telle plus I'm not obliged to speak/be around all of my mental family members. It's perfect.


- grd

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Decy,


you're leaving t'port or is it that other place?


- grdinnit



Dear dada,


2 weeks of feeling like an orphan is totally made better with rum, cigarettes and pain killers. You're the bestest.


- your favourite

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Dear Decy,


you have to do what works for you, it'll all work out I'm sure.

Before you go we'll have to head out for a pint innit.


Do you get to take it home and work on it or do you have to go somewhere to do it?


- sg



Dear Wembley,


I am going to be in you, this excites me greatly.


- grd

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dear Coles brand Cornflakes,


you fucking rock and $3.00 for a gigantic box?

oh happy day


dear American internet company making headway into the APAC region,


I really want to work for you but 5 interviews?

plus having to have one phone interview 11pm on a friday night really fucks up my drinking/sleeping life this weekend. Job is a job and the option for regular travel to the US is a plus I will admit but come friday 5pm my work ethic goes out the window.


but anyways hire me.



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Dear Anyone


Within 24 hours of leaving the family, I have a full time job sorted, monday to friday, no bank holidays and a 10 minutes walk from my house! Which means I'm sorted for seeing my son.


Might have sorted a few painting spots too.


Shit is finally looking up!



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Dear random cunt at the bar,


I do not give a shit how you pronounce "MEME" I will

say it as it is spelt. Just because the fagot who coined

it says it one particular way doesn't mean I have to follow



Fuck you,


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