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Dear ________,


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Dear Microsoft,

Ive paid for your product, now 3 days later I have received the download link and its fucked… Error message? STOP IT!

For a software company, your purchase and download process is pretty much the worst. My presentation is due tomorrow and I need pathetic power point to work like now.

Im unfollowing Bill Gates on twitter in protest. HOW YOU LIKE THAT???

B.

 

Dear b,

 

i don't think that it's supposed to take 3 days. complain bad enough to where they give you free stuff. That's what i'd do.

 

nbb

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dear wedge,

 

i figured it out.. its like the symbiote venom.

my reclusion was like mr fantastic using the sonic blaster on it and my misadventures found a new host..ie you.

 

godspeed sir it gets even more absurd from here on out.

 

sincerely elis sies the 3rd.

 

 

p.s

 

what the hell does it mean when a girl says " i was/am a hot mess" ?

 

Dear Moog,

 

In my experience. Problems with hard drugs.

 

nbb

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dear naked black female running down 12th street last night,

 

wow...you were like 20 or 21 right?...you actually had a nice body...nice boobs, nice ass... in great shape...but what the fuck were you doing running down the street at 8pm at night butt ass nekkid?...and in front of a cop car too!...well, lucky for you, i had spare clothes in my car, and when the cops pulled you over, i pulled over too, jumped out and gave you a t-shirt that covered your whole body....youre welcome...and you can keep the shirt.

 

cG

 

p.s. thanks for the eye full.

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dear dts,

 

yeah, she was...when i walked up to her and said "you better throw this on" her eyes were bugg-eyed, and what i was saying didnt really register to her.

 

i felt bad though, cause other than being on something, she looked like your normal everyday girl.

 

cG

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Dear dears,

 

Happy Easter!

 

'Tis my favourite 'holiday'; chocolate, lamb roast, cake and loads of old musicals on telle plus I'm not obliged to speak/be around all of my mental family members. It's perfect.

 

- grd

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Decy,

 

you're leaving t'port or is it that other place?

 

- grdinnit

 

 

Dear dada,

 

2 weeks of feeling like an orphan is totally made better with rum, cigarettes and pain killers. You're the bestest.

 

- your favourite

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Dear grd

 

yea leaving the port, things aint working here, im gonna go to bristol get a job there and get my own place.

 

Will still come over as the nipper will be over here as will my dog.

 

Gotta finish my dragon first, only really started it today.

 

Decy

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Dear Decy,

 

you have to do what works for you, it'll all work out I'm sure.

Before you go we'll have to head out for a pint innit.

 

Do you get to take it home and work on it or do you have to go somewhere to do it?

 

- sg

 

 

Dear Wembley,

 

I am going to be in you, this excites me greatly.

 

- grd

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Dear grd

 

yea im down John Frost in one of the spaces down there painting it, need to pull my finger out tho, gonna try and be there all day tomorrow get as much done as possible.

 

Yea pint would be cool, I might be gone by end of the month!

 

Decy

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dear Coles brand Cornflakes,

 

you fucking rock and $3.00 for a gigantic box?

oh happy day

 

dear American internet company making headway into the APAC region,

 

I really want to work for you but 5 interviews?

plus having to have one phone interview 11pm on a friday night really fucks up my drinking/sleeping life this weekend. Job is a job and the option for regular travel to the US is a plus I will admit but come friday 5pm my work ethic goes out the window.

 

but anyways hire me.

 

schnitz

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Dear Anyone

 

Within 24 hours of leaving the family, I have a full time job sorted, monday to friday, no bank holidays and a 10 minutes walk from my house! Which means I'm sorted for seeing my son.

 

Might have sorted a few painting spots too.

 

Shit is finally looking up!

 

Decy

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Dear random cunt at the bar,

 

I do not give a shit how you pronounce "MEME" I will

say it as it is spelt. Just because the fagot who coined

it says it one particular way doesn't mean I have to follow

suit.

 

Fuck you,

Ipod90

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