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Sarah Tonin

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*Warren Ellis posts the most interesting myspace bulletins*

 

This is a piece of text I came up with the other day. I think it's going to be the opening for a graphic novel. But it'll be a year before I write it, so I thought I'd share it now:

 

-------------------------------------

 

RATTLESNAKE

 

 

I'm not the Devil.

 

But I seen the Devil.

 

I'm the only son of a seventh son of a seventh son. My line should've ended with my daddy, but my daddy's neck got broke just seven seconds after he conceived me.

 

Snapped like a twig by the boyfriend of the Catholic schoolgirl he was fucking in the back room of some blood-bucket music joint.

 

The boy put his boot on my daddy's ass so he couldn't pull out at the last second.

 

Forced him to shoot me into my poor mommy.

 

Then snapped daddy's neck while he was still jerking.

 

Everything in this country started to go to hell while I grew in my mommy.

 

Nine months later, someone broke the whisky bottle they'd made her drink for the pain and cut me out of her with its jagged edge.

 

I got a little nick across my throat, from the glass. You can hardly see the scar now, but you can hear it in my voice.

 

I couldn't cry because of it. The noise wouldn't come out.

 

I could only go ke ke ke ke.

 

Ke ke ke ke ke. Like a rattlesnake.

 

I ain't been in the same place more than three months since I was born. All I've got for home is the witchgrass, the reeds and the dust.

 

Only friend I've got's the road. Only enemy I got is people.

 

Are you the Devil, they ask me sometimes.

 

And I say no, but I seen the Devil. All around me.

 

###

 

© Warren Ellis 2006 all rights reserved etc etc back off cowboy

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Jack Kerouac wrote good books. You should read them because he wasn't afraid of himself like you're afraid of yourself.

 

Here are some of his more well-known quotes for anyone that's interested:

 

"But why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see?"

 

"...colleges being nothing but grooming schools for the middleclass non-identity which usually finds its perfect expression on the outskirts of the campus in rows of well-to-do houses with lawns and television sets is each living room with everybody looking at the same thing and thinking the same thing at the same time while the Japhies of the world go prowling in the wilderness..."

 

"Accept loss forever."

 

"What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."

 

"My witness is the empty sky."

 

"Mankind is like dogs, not gods--as long as you dont get mad they'll bite you--but stay mad and you'll never be bitten. Dogs dont respect humility & sorrow."

 

"No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strength."

 

"Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?"

 

"But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!"

 

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."

 

"'A man who allows wild passion to arise within, himself burns his heart, then after burning adds the wind that thereto which ignites the fire again, or not, as the case may be.' IT'S ALL OVER."

 

"The boys didn't care, because on cold corners they stood three backs to one another, facing all the winds, bent, lips don't care, miserable, cold and broke, waiting like witch doctors, saying: 'Everything belongs to me because I am poor."

 

"We should be wondering tonight, 'Is there a world?' But I could go and talk on 5, 10, 20 minutes about is there a world, because there is really no world, cause sometimes I'm walkin’ on the ground and I see right through the ground. And there is no world. And you'll find out."

 

"My manners, abominable at times, can be sweet. As I grew older I became a drunk. Why? Because I like ecstasy of the mind. I'm a wretch. But I love, love."

 

"I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life."

 

"My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them."

 

"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion."

 

"We were all delighted, we all realized we were leaving confusion and nonsense behind and performing our one and noble function of the time, move."

 

"A pain stabbed my heart as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world."

 

"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk- real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious."

 

"What’s in store for me in the direction I don’t take?"

 

"…-no girl had ever moved me with a story of spiritual suffering and so beautifully her soul showing out radiant as an angel wandering in hell and the hell the selfsame streets I’d roamed in watching, watching for someone just like her and never dreaming the darkness and the mystery and eventuality of our meeting in eternity,"

 

"Write in recollection and amazement for yourself."

 

"Why did I allow myself to be bored ever in the past and to compensate for it got high or drunk or rages or all the tricks people have because they want anything but serene understanding of just what there is, which is after all so much."

 

"All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land."

 

"Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken."

 

"Oh little Cody Pomeray if there had been some way to send a cry to you even when you were too little to know what utterances and cries are for in this dark sad earth, with your terrors in a world so malign and inhospitable, and all the insults from heaven ramming down to crowd your head with anger, pain, disgrace, worst of all the crapulous poverty in and out of every splintered door of days, if someone could have said to you then, and made you perceive, 'Fear life, but don't die; you're alone, everybody's alone. Oh Cody Pomeray, you can't win, you can't lose, all is ephemeral, all is hurt."

 

"Dean took out other pictures. I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents had lived smooth, well-ordered, estabilished-within-the-photo lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives, our actual night, the hell of it, the senseless nightmare road. All of it inside endless and beginningless emptiness. Pitiful forms of ignorance."

 

"Emotionlessly she kissed me in the vineyard and walked off down the row. We turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked up at each other for the last time."

 

"Mainly I've been back to my books and writings and being nice and quiet and lazy. As I'm writing this, the radio says there's a foot of snow falling on Long Island. I really love snow and wish I could take a long walk in it right now."

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