Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
MOE-LESTER

Oakland jail is a fun place

Recommended Posts

fuck all you smelly beaners and niggers that i had to share the drunk tank with last night. at least i didnt have a crackhead shit in his hands like my homie had to deal with at 850 bryant in the city

 

share your holdin cell stories

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

shit first i was all by myself in the drunk tank, then they move my ass for no reason to a small ass cell filled with beaners who kept farting every 5 fuckin seconds

 

 

they didnt find the twenty sack in the stash pocket though, and much love the female cop who made my drunken night by feeling me up, shit was baller son she was a decent lookin blonde chicaaa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sto a small ass cell filled with beaners who kept farting every 5 fuckin seconds

 

chimichangas will do that to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

people in d block giving up thier meals for a few hits off of a bugler ciggarette is funny to me.

other than that, i got nothing really.

except one dude who had the ugliest DURTY SOUF graffiti style tattoo

shit was so whack

also he was asian and baller as fuck, but his black girl turned him in when she got pulled over in a stolen car. he was doin 15 minimum on his third strike.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First time in juvie, 14 years old, in for simple possesion of a nickel bag. shared a cell with a dude...he was puking his shit all up, all over the place..

"you ok man?"

"yeah, just gettin this shit out"

"what shit out?"

"crack"

"...oh"

 

every subsequent visit to the detention center yielded more fun stories

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

On the jail phone in the holding cell, which was being videotaped (very obvisously) via cc camera and watched by guards.

 

Guy: "What are you in here for?"

Me: "Drugs."

Guy: "Did you sneak any in?"

Me: "No."

Guy: "That sucks."

 

Then he proceeds to call his friend:

"Dude, I got arrested... the bail's $1000. Dude, don't worry about the money, I stashed a bag of 300 xanax ladders at John's house right outside the door to the garage, and they didn't get the speakers and shit we were stealing, just move that shit and get me out of here."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I see blood fart here ready to kill your guys' stories.

 

Not so much.

I am typically on the tail-end of a black out and just yell at people for spazzing out over small charges and then pass out.

 

Plus, all the ones that I remember fondly, they take story form and can't be summed up in a matter of a few lines.

 

I peed in the back of a cop car out of spite once though.

The cop was being a jerk.

He arrested me for being drunk in a park.

The other cop that was with him knew me well, and wanted to be my special friend.

He told the arresting officer,

"That isn't M****** drunk, wait a few hours and come back, then you will see M****** drunk. Let her have her fun for a little while."

Mean cop man wasn't going for it.

So on the ride to the station house, I tells myself,

"self, you don't have to pee, but you HAVE TO PEE."

I conjured it up and let it flow.

Giggling the whole time.

Mean cop man wasn't so happy with it.

Nor was I when I got out six hours later and my pants were damp and smelled like pee pee.

 

To be a teenage alcoholic again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest spectr

I ended up eating a quarter of some headies in the holding cell one time, I was fucking high as hell the next morning when I went in front of the judge. I couldn't understand anything he was saying and it took my lawyer about 10 minutes to explain it to me. Everyone in court must have known I was high as hell..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oakland Jail is the initial weapon the White Man uses against the people of the Yay to suppress the Hyphy Movement.

 

Thankfully the people of Oakland, Vallejo, Richmond, San Jose, Alameda, San Francisco, and even Sacramento will rise up to confront and overthrow this menace.

 

Praise be Hellah.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was in jail last weekend with a terrible headache from drinking, when fishing through my "empty" pockets found an errant loratab... and proceeded to eat it and go to sleep feeling better.

 

Thank you cop that sucks at searching.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Register for a 12ozProphet forum account or sign in to comment

You need to be a forum member in order to comment. Forum accounts are separate from shop accounts.

Create an account

Register to become a 12ozProphet forum member.

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×