October 24, 200618 yr Author he told us it was rudolph that he killed and xmas wasn't going to come this year. We cried, and my grandma got mad at him. wow :(
October 24, 200618 yr if i touch my wee wee to much it will turn green my cousin told me that if i touch my wee wee too much that i would never grow pubes and then never get with any girls because of it
October 24, 200618 yr Author I was told by my grandfather monsters lived in the manholes under the city. Seeing movie posters for C.H.U.D. didn't help much. I stayed away from manholes for most of my childhood
October 24, 200618 yr "You're such an asshole, I love you." Sorry, I'm not trying to get off topic. i hear this at least once a day from my girl too... when i was younger my extended family pretended to like me. my inside source (my cousin) would always tell me how much shit they'd talk about me when i wasn't around. and that they'd tell him not to turn out like me. :cool: same with me... ^^^ my mom used to tell me stories about what kind of scumbag my father was, but i never beleived her... then i met him when i was 18 or so... he had me conviced that he wasnt how everyone had explained him for a month or so and then he pulled some retarded shit ans showed his true colors... so i threw a brick at him point blank range a few times and he got some brain damage and my mom got to say "i told you so"... moms was never big on stories... she was more on the "because im your mother and what i say goes" tip...
October 24, 200618 yr When my mom would beat me she would tell me, "this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you." She was so full of shit.
October 24, 200618 yr My dad also told me the line that if you swallow seeds it will grow in your stomach. The people in toll booths have lizard tails, that's why they are in a booth. Grandpa would say that thunder was angels bowling. My brother told me that cops wear sunglasses because they don't have pupils.
October 24, 200618 yr My mom tried to beat the shit out of me with a fluffy slipper. I was trying not to laugh when she realized what she was hitting me with. Every couple of years I buy year new slippers as a reminder.
October 24, 200618 yr When I was 11 or 12 and my mom thought she could make me stop smoking cigarettes, she duct taped my hand to the kitchen table and made me chain smoke a pack of cigarettes. With each drag, she would smack my hand with a wooden cooking spoon. About six or seven dudes I skated with were in my living room, watching on and laughing. It was cool until about cigarette seven when I started getting ill. Then I started crying. Then I vomited all over the kitchen floor. My friends laughed and laughed. I didn't think it was funny. And never bought my mom wooden kitchen spoons as a reminder. Instead I make her pay for my cigarettes now and every so often bring up what a failure she was at raising me right.
October 24, 200618 yr Author ^^^ ::speechless:: in other news... Easter Bunny Santa Claus Tooth Fairey Leprachaun at the end of the rainbow Happy endings
October 24, 200618 yr oh my parents told me when i turn 14 they'd buy me a ticket to see "the fatherland" that never happened.
October 24, 200618 yr "If you work hard, live a decent life, and be sincere, you will be sucessful." Apparently I was supposed to translate that into, step on people, lie my ass off, and treat everyone like a shitbag, because I took it literaly and those fuckers lied. I've been struggling to break even since day uno.
October 25, 200618 yr My mom once told me that if i smoked weed I would die some day that day never came.
October 25, 200618 yr When I was about 13 I was smoking in my room, apparently my dad smelled something burning. He yells up "are you smoking in your room" and I reply "no just burning paper" which he replies with "well if you're going to smoke, smoke outback". The next day I was outside with my friend smoking a cigarette and my dad was like "what the fuck are you doing?" I replied "you told me it was ok to smoke outback". Lying ass dad...
October 25, 200618 yr i used to think that if you drank beer you would grow a beard and that if i pooed in the bathroom i would get that batman costum well i never fucking got it those broke dick pigion eaters
October 25, 200618 yr that scene in ace ventura when he returns her puppy "yeah shes just tiggling his legs" or any sex scene in a film "yeah there just play fighting"
October 25, 200618 yr my mom would always tell me to stick out my tongue if she thought i was lieing. she said it would be green if i was. so i would stick it out and then she would make the call. i can't believe i fell for that shit.
October 25, 200618 yr Nice try!!! Courts don't give "Criminally Insane" hospital stays to minors. Even if you were 18 when they sent you, you would have had to serve your full sentence. They don't give "good time" to nutbags. SOOOOO, what color was the dirt bike you found in the garage. i wasnt a minor jack. i was 17, doing my first >COUNTY BID< and i dont recall mentioning any good time Or not serving my sentence. anyway, im not gonna argue with you dood.
October 26, 200618 yr wow :( Haha, no... it was cool... I actually think it's really funny now that I look back on it.
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