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UGBOOTS ARENT COOL


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I know I said this stupid story before, but last year at the strip mall, we were driving through the parking lot and I screamed out the open window at this broad, "Hey, you! Genghis Khan called - he wants his shoes back!" She freaked out, but I hope she eventually got a laugh out of it.

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"Welcome To Assholeville Issue 3

 

Ok...

 

I wasn't even going to write one... but I saw something today that switched on the "Larry David" in me. If you don't know who I'm referring to, I suggest you rent the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm, immediately.

 

Moving along...

 

So... I'm driving around in Manhattan today, and I'm about to take a right on to 47th street when I saw them...

 

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

 

UGGS, MUTHAFUCKERS!!!

 

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???? How are these still finding their way on bitches feet? And when I say bitches, I do mean it...

 

 

When I first got signed (fucking eons ago... well actually almost 4 years.) in 2002, my A&R at Atlantic flew me out to L.A. to work on my album. He brought me to some bullshit high post event in Hollywood... and there they were.... my first sighting. It's 90 degrees and some skinny, trendy ass cornball bitch, has these fuckin, 1800's settlers Alaskan winter boots on. Being the ignorant east coaster that I am, I curiously asked my A&R what the deal was. He informed me that they were "UGGs" ...the new biggest thing, and that they had already been poppin' for a year or so, with the Hollywood elite.

 

Well... I thought they'd die down and burn out before they even got a chance to hit the east coast.

 

HA! stupid me!

 

Now, if these were cute on girls ....at all... ok... I could understand the trend lasting a little longer than most of you dumb boxes allow it to.

But these are fucking horrid.

 

 

 

Case in point...

 

Thank you "Becky" for that poignant example.

 

But wait... the FUNNIEST thing of all is...

girls do NOT keep these things lookin' fly.

They beat the SHIT out of them.

So they get to the point where they look like post apocalyptic Eskimo shit kickers. BUT you STILL wear them with your CUTEST outfit, Tiffany's bracelet, L.V. bag, and some bootleg ass Christian Dior sunglasses, out to the club. With NO fucking shame WHAT so ever.

(And can you imagine, after a night of clubbing and dancing and whatever, what those grimey feet must smell like?)

Wow.

I'm speechless.

 

Bottom line... these disgusting fucking abominations are DEAD!

This is Frumpy McFuckmuffin asshole attire.

 

Attempting to look like this...

 

But it turns out a little more like this...

 

 

I bit my tongue about this issue, for a LONG fuckin' time. And it wouldnt even BE an issue, had I not seen them resurfacing, yet another season (and SPRING of all seasons, on a 70 degree day).

 

Please... ladies... let them go. Make your peace with the UGGs, and move the fuck on. Unless you're a Gnome, Viking, Eskimo, or someone who works with Reindeers in some way... you should NOT have these on. Bottom line.

 

 

 

Oh... p.s.

 

If I EVER catch a man wearing these?

It's a fuckin' wrap...

 

wow...

U.G.G. = Ugly Girl Garbage

or now for men...

U.G.G. = Unbelievably Gay Guy" -

 

Apathy

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I remember reading something about some American company trying to sue some aussie company over the use of the name 'ugg boot' or something, even though they were invented in Oz.

 

They are good in the right situation, like getting up for an early morning surf in the middle of winter, but to wear them as a fashion statement is beyond ridiculous.

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