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The 300 Superthread


Weapon X

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Re: 300

 

The way they shot this movie is insane. No matter where you pause the movie you could take that and make it a print of it and hang it in your living room. Every single person in the movie is insanely ripped.

 

The preview where the dude puts the shield up catches all the arrows on it then takes his sword and cuts them off is insane...

 

This is to me is what the transformers movie is to Mams...shits gonna be insane...

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Merged all three threads.

 

 

Possibly the best review of this movie yet:

 

I just saw a movie that’ll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It’s called 300. I don’t know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could’ve called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it’d still rule.

 

It’s about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

 

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it’s sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, “I need some extra sauce packets” guess what? You’re getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

 

I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

 

TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN’T LIKE:

 

COOL THING ONE:

HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES

 

Who gives a shit if the music isn’t historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could’ve used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel’s Pretzel is telling you that you’ll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

 

COOL THING TWO:

FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS

 

Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.

 

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

 

NOT SO GOOD THING:

DUDE NUDITY (“DUDE-ITY”)

 

These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they’re serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

 

Any directors reading this – IT’S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

 

Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

 

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.

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Re: The trailer for 300 is up. Check it out.

 

 

i know this is my third post in a row but i just wanted to point out that this is a retarded creature. unless this thing is mocking humans for having eyes that are located in the upper half of their skull i dont really see the point of whats going on. this thing could see just as well if it had its hands at chest level...not to mention how does it even know that where eyes are supposed to be anyway? this creature is on the same level as whispering children in lackluster horror movies....i hate it.

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It's just something about that angle makes it looks stupid, cause it looks like some dude in a suit holding his hands up to his head. It looks fucking crazy from straight ahead, the way it's shot in the movie, cause it looks like this crazy fucking head with three necks and shit sticking out.

 

And they never show this in the pictures, I guess to keep the element of surprise, but that thing walks around on two ultra-skinny, really fucking gross old-man legs that look like it can't hold up it's weight. It's really good design, seriously. If I'd watched that thing as a little kid I would've had all sorts of fucking nightmares. The Faun is pretty ill as well.

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