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Guest R@ndomH3ro

things you don't want to hear your grandma say...

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Guest R@ndomH3ro

:shakehead:

 

The dildo story made me throw up a little.

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....but have unfortunately already heard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

while watching SNL - with steve martin - there was a skit where a woman he's about to bone asks "so, when does the viagra start to work?"

 

"oh, for me it only takes about 15 to 20 minutes"

 

 

 

 

 

to which grandma shouts out "liar! it takes between 1 to 3 hours!"

 

 

 

:shook:

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banned. and by that i mean ban yourself for posting this.

 

The weirdest shit my grandma has ever done is try to hook me up with an employee at her retirement home so I'd be forced to visit them both. Grandma might not have thought to notice what young girls do in this day and age but those eyebrows were completly painted on. Like woah.

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i remember my grandma bought her friend to a christmas lunch, some stranger and she started talking about her dildo... that shit was pushed way to far, i think i spewed up a little bit of turkey in my mouth

mmm turkey

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My Grandma once said "Mud, blood or elephant shit, I'm leaving this hospital today".

 

To this day i have no idea what exactly that means but two days later she died in her own home. What a machine.

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During highschool days i was working in this retirement home and this old man goes "HEY YOU WATCH THIS"

 

 

He then proceeded to pee his pants.

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while visiting my grandma and looking for an over sized t shirt to wear to bed, i also found a costco king size tube of ky jelly in her bottom drawer.

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Guest Ginger Bread Man

when my grandfather was ill and about to pass, i would visit him at the hospital. he would begin to recount stories and next thing you know he was on more tangents than a monkey is on tree limbs. i always found it amusing but sad at the same time. the funniest part is he was aware it was happening and would tell me, im loosing control of the airplane. now it makes me think how i will be when im of age to go.

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My Grandma once said "Mud, blood or elephant shit, I'm leaving this hospital today".

 

To this day i have no idea what exactly that means but two days later she died in her own home. What a machine.

 

i will use that phrase at least once today.

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"Go drive around the neighborhood and see if you can find the pieces of shit that stole my weed plants."

 

Grandma doesn't much care for police, either.

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i don't really want to hear my grandma say anything, she's dead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

not really but i thought that would be funny to post.

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Guest Ginger Bread Man

wow what an extreme account of sinilism

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During highschool days i was working in this retirement home and this old man goes "HEY YOU WATCH THIS"

 

 

He then proceeded to pee his pants.

 

That guy is basically my hero.

 

My grandmother never had sex.

Ever.

She found all seven of her children in ditches or boxes left out at the curb.

She is a saint.

This is what I tell myself.

Even though she sometimes forgets who I am.

And thinks I am trying to steal her soul.

That is just the prune juice talking.

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