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Metaphors for Crossfire Fun

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Hey hey Hey,


Ch.0. is down. Get your kicks here kids.




The U.S. is the big rich asshole in High School who had all the friends, but he was a jerk to everyone, and then everyone caught on, and was like, "You suck dude, get out of here. Go drink somewhere else!"


George Bush is the pre-9-11 kid who got to see the cockpit of an airplane, and got to sit on the pilot (Dick Cheney)'s lap and play with the controls


The New York Times is the girl who always says the big macho jock dude is an asshole, but she is secretly hot for the guy, and she's bulimic.


Louis Farrakan is the guy who picks fights with the mascot during a college football game.


Mitt Romney is the spoiled kid who tries to hang with the "bad" crowd, and must everytime prove how "bad" he is by doing keg-stands and talking shit to girls.


Eastern Europe is the party where everyone keeps fighting over the stereo, keeps drinking, and you can't decide if it was a great time, or everyone there was a total dickhead.


Great Britain is the guy who has a car, so you need him to get you to the party.


The U.S. is the guy who's holding the party, but midway through, he thinks he's been dissed by a gang of chicks, and that there are a lot of crashers here, so he wants to throw everyone the fuck out.


China is the party-crashers.


India rides with China.


Russia has a private party down the street that is way lame.


Hugo Chavez is the guy that shows up to the party and talks shit to everyone who was actually invited, and drinks all the free beer.


The Liberal Northeast (Don't forget California and Canada!) is the friend of the guy that threw the party that's always talking shit behind his back, and sticking up for the party crashers.


Africa wasn't invited because A. The guys were afraid that Africa would get all the women. B. Africa would not BYOB, and C. Africa has AIDS and no one wants to deal with that.


The Australians show up and everyone thinks they are a friend or came with someone, but they actually just moved in down the street and they won't share their beer.


The French don't speak to anyone, but whenever anyone makes a move, they sneer.


Denmark is there, and she seems like she has something to say, she nods politely, but when you go to make a point she dissapears.


Rush Limbaugh shows up and sweats, and makes a bunch of quasi-speeches that everyone totally digs, and then he excuses himself and drinks himself into oblivion.


Argentina keeps pretending to be this guy's friend, or the other guy's.


Japan has the "party within a party" thing going on.


Korea keeps competing for all the hot chicks that Japan is netting.


The party is over.


Egypt gives you a ride home, you tip well.


Disease is a touchy subject


Men are cyclones in a trailer park.


Women are trailer parks.


Congress is the Christmas Tree of a newly-wed couple.


Social Infrastructure is the dirty dishes of your lazy good for nothing room-mate.


The police are bouncers at a dive bar.


120z Prophet is pretty damn good for the internet.


Page breaks are the pauses you do to make sure everyone is listening.


Myspace is the opiate of the masses.





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