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Funniest things YOU'VE heard said by girls....


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Today at work I had like a five minute conversation about pussy and balls which started out like this:


Me: Man all these customers stress me the fuck out sometimes

Girl: You need to cry?

Me: A little, but that'd make a pussy.

Girl: You can't be a pussy.

Me: Nope. You can't be a pussy if you're gonna work in retail

Girl: You need balls.

Me: A great big heavy set of balls, but you can't just throw em around and put em on the table every time a customer demands this and that from you.


and so on

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fuckkk let me think


i turned off their Paul Wall bullshit and put on a Non-Phixion cd and they called it "Jungle Music"


uhhm last night i stopped over my boys and his little bro's friends were there..this one bitch was like "yeah so like this kid took me to the dance and was mad that i wouldnt get with him" i was like why the fuck would you say yes and goto a dance with someone if you don't find them attractive? fucking weirdos.


oh heres one from my mom cus i was in a bad mood, "maybe you shouldn't quit smoking cigs yet then"..i was like damn thanks for the fucking support..fuck her i did it anyway on my own strength


man ive heard so much bullshit i cant remember any of it, some golden shit too


you want more shit from my mom?


in 7th grade she found a pipe and said it was a crack pipe and that i was smoking crack.


around 8th or 9th grade, she said the sweat stains on my undershirts were yellow because i was 'doing coke'


around 10th grade she again found a glass piece and said it was a crack pipe


want to hear the best???


i get back from Puerto Rico, she's like come here I need to ask you something and shes like "I found a pill in your room" so I'm like thinking I haven't had no pills lately so I tell her to show me it...and its a fucking GENERIC TUMS with like 1567 written on it. That was by far the funniest one.

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my girlfriend farts funny... i should make it into a streaming audio.


this was from work yesterday...


"i like these family guy talking pens... i have a napoleon dynamite talking pen... THEY SHOULD MAKE A 24 TALKING PEN!!!!!!.... THEY SHOULD MAKE IT SAY THINGS LIKE " NEXT TIME ON 24..."... THEY SHOULD MAKE A 24 TALKING VIDEO PEN!!! SO YOU COULD WATCH CLIPS OF 24... LIKE... THE PEN TELLS THE WHOLE STORY OF 24!!!!... WITH MOVIES AND EVERYTHING!!!"


and so on so forth...


she said it with really big eyes... as enthusiastically as possible...


seriously. i dont know this girl... she comes into my job and starts yapping about the tv show 24 and will not stop exaggerating about how great it is. and shes done it on more than one occasion. its so sad.

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I used to know this totally crazy fucking slutty girl and she once confessed to me that she had a wet dream about ghosts fucking her. And yes she was stupid enough for it to be true. never really got over that one....



"Did I really throw a slurpee at you? I was a psycho huh?"

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