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iloveboxcars

working retail. ahh, memories.

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i was reading a thread on somethingawful and since i dont want to pay 10 dollars to contribute there, i thought i'd share acouple of my stories here and invite you to share yours as well. here it goes. i also did a search for "retail" which came up with one thread about piracy and another thread about something i dont remember.

 

 

about 5 years ago i worked at hollywood video. actually one of the better jobs i had due to how easy all of the work was and how understanding most of the customers were. me and acouple of my peons got bored fairly often because we were all pretty hard workers so the work would be done way before it was time for our shifts to let off. we did a lot of different shit to pass the time. for awhile we played football with some of the merchandise, the only thing that ended this is the district manager walking in on one of our games. the district manager was one hell of a cool guy though, i'd go over to his place often and have a few beers while talking about how great my store was. anyway..

 

every once in awhile customers dropped porn off instead of the actual rented video. some of the videos were never claimed.. these videos would usually just sit somewhere until this nasty dude named jason that worked there (one of those fat lying types.. he once claimed to own a ducati but didnt want to drive it to work because he didnt want to be hassled by the cops.. he walked or took the bus to work every day) too long of a parenthesis break.. the jason guy would take them home. we knew this because they always disappeared on his shift.. he always denied it though because he had a "great girlfriend" that would "give him head whenever he asked" .. she never seemed to want to come to the store though.

 

we also had splicing tools just incase a move came back and we could cut just alittle bit out of it to fix the video. cut to the chase - we started splicing porn into movies. random movies.. we never put these movies back on the shelf, we would all try to make the porn happen at the most hilarious times.. for instance, when someone looks into a window and instead of cutting to what they're looking at we cut to a facial, then back to the regular movie after a few seconds.

 

as all good stories go, a mishap. a terrible mishap. a scooby-doo spliced video was nowhere to be found. the store had so many scooby doo videos that finding that specific one would have taken acouple weeks. we all just kinda forgot about the video.. and we stopped splicing porn into videos as well, kinda scared that if more than one video was found with porn in it the store would be under investigation.

 

a few months later a guy walks in looking like he needs some kind of help. at this point i had completely forgotten about the porn spliced into the lost scooby doo tape, but as soon as i said "can i help you with something" and he raised the scooby doo tape it all came rushing back to me like a giant glob of semen racing towards kettie cat's asshole. i had to struggle to keep the smile from forming on my face. i knew this was going to be bad. real bad. a smile wouldnt have helped im sure. the guy was surprisingly calm though, he said he had rented this video and left it playing for his daughter while he was reading the newspaper. he said after awhile he heard the oh-so familiar sounds looked up and had to rush over to the tv and cover it, but it was too late. his 4 year old daughter saw a guy fucking a girl in the ass. and this wasnt a regular shot either. the girl was doggy style, the guy was hovering over her and the camera was right behind them, the girl had her head turned toward the camera and said "yes, fuck my asssss" before he could turn it off.

i apologized profusely but he said it was not my fault (although yes, yes it was). he said the only problem he had with it is he had to explain to his daughter alittle earlier than he wanted what sex was. i gave him several free rentals.. but i had never seen him return to the store. that was a pretty good splice though, it was right after shaggy opened up a door there was the familiar creak of the door opening then some static (that cant really be avoided) and then ass fucking. i cant really tell too many people about that, but there you go.

 

add your stories.

 

 

edit - misspellings.

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i worked one day retail at an american eagle. after that day of work, i walked to my car and had a message on my phone offering me an office job at a law firm. no thank you retail...

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however, i did love flirtin with the mad fine mothers bringin their mad fine daughters there. workin the dressin rooms was sorta fun.

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ilboxes>

 

that was fucking awesome. except, i don't think 4 year olds should see ass fuckng.

but hilarious all the same. you get props.

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FUCK having to check up on customers in the dressing rooms.

My old place of employment required us to check up after only 30 seconds, and then every 45 seconds.

Now that shit must be annoying as funk

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i just read the story. awesome.

 

"it all came rushing back to me like a giant glob of semen racing towards kettie cat's asshole"

 

hahaaaaaaa

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At my workplace some lady was trying to steal something and then the loss prevention guy caught her and she was begging him to let her go and he's like nope gotta come with me, and I was walking the same way they where and I swear on everything everytime she took a step she farted and she was red as hell saying sorry, excuse me and all this shit but man that was funny as hell.

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i lolerd.

 

that was evil, but really fucking funny.

 

 

No retail stories from me. The worst was me taking merchandise.

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yeah, working with the general public is fun.

 

let's see... i had one guy throw a bag and hit me in the face because his credit card came up stolen. he then tried to jump over the counter to get me because i wouldn't give his card back(i got $50 for recovering it from the credit card company). security ended up letting him go.

 

one guy called me racist because i was faxing this form for him and instead of handing it to him, i set it down in front of him.

"I'm a 6 foot tall black man, i don't understand why you didn't hand it back to me"

"well you were busy reaching into your wallet"

"i see how it is, the white man wants to take money from the black man but he doesn't want to give him anything back"

that was followed by about 15 minutes of him claiming he was going to get me fired and ruin my life forever. didn't happen.

 

one guy threatened to kick my ass because i wanted to charge him $1.50 for an envelope that he used. it wasn't worth the argument.

 

one woman told me i was going to burn in hell when the apocolypse comes and that's why she didn't believe in the greenhouse effect. ok.

 

i worked at this bookstore, similar to borders, where homeless people would set up shop everyday. they would come in first thing in the morning, get a stack of books and magazines and sit all day and read until we closed. while that alone wasn't a huge problem, it was disconcerting to see them only get up to go to the bathroom and smoke crack and do heroin. then there was the guy with explosive diarreah who didn't bother getting up out of his seat.

 

just last week an 80 year old woman handed me a package covered in piss. i wish i would of realized this before she handed it to me.

 

those are just a few i can think of right now, i know theres tons more im trying to repress from my memory. i've worked retail for waaaay too long.

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i currently work in retail

it has to be one of the easier things ive done so far.

nothing beats trying to sell people extra shit they dont really need, just to make ur store money

 

i havent been on the job long, so i dont have too many crazy stories.

the guy who comes in to deliver our merchendise is always complaining about how we're slow, and how his time is precious and hell get fired if hes slow...oh well

 

we always make fun of ppl who drop off resumes and whos resumes are crappy. We talk shit about how dumb most people are (truth) and how wed get with all the fine female customers. pretty basic guy stuff i guess

 

sometimes, if the cooler manager is in, we blast rock music, iron madien, kiss, metallica and the likes in our store.

 

people always complain about our music being too loud.

 

 

 

more stories to come as they arise i guess

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i worked at the disney store' date=' and one time i masturbated into this finding nemo doll and i put it back on the shelf after i was done[/quote']

 

nigga kill yoself

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me and a co worker had urine battles. one the stall one at the urinal.. and piss on the wall. i dunno it was fun/funny at the time. circuit city.

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when i was younger i worked at a cinnabon. some weird shit happened where a friend of mine was in the managerial position at the age of 17 (i was 15 at the time) and so he hired a bunch of his friends, me being one of them. my friend Daniel (names not changed because if someone finds this Daniel because of this one story i'd be fucking amazed) anyway - my friend Daniel got really sick of working there after awhile. he started doing rediculously fucked up shit. i dont know if they still do it like this, but when we worked there there was a tub of that cream sauce on the floor, its what we used to put on top of the cinnabon. my friend would walk by and spit in it, blow snot rockets in it. etc etc. (because of this, to this day, i cannot eat a cinnabon) no one ever really figured that out, i mean it blended right in. then after he noticed no one else would notice he started (and no, im not joking here) he started shitting in cups and leaving them next to the register. just slightly out of sight to the customer so they couldn't see he had shit in a cup, but close enough to where they could smell some shit.

 

 

eh i just realized there's no cool way to end this story. so there you have it.

 

he also worked at arby's and peed on the chicken tenders while they were in the freezer. i guess that didnt matter as much because that shit got deepfried.

 

nasty dude.

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I did some pretty nasty shit to food when I worked at a restaurant. It's funny, that's what I got fired for but I didn't actually do what they accused me of. My girls mom called the local police department and told them I was spitting in their food just cuz she hated me, and they all came in and complained. Fuck that, I only spit in the food of cops from my own city

 

Whatever, I got unemployment anyways...even though her sister tried to testitfy against me at the hearing and say she had seen me do it. Fuck, I HATE her family

 

Cinnabons are awesome though, we don't have em around her eunfortunately

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omg.

 

 

this is almost ruining cinnabon and arbys for me forever.

 

fuck

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I worked at Michaels for 2 weeks. Just so I could steal shit. I think thats the only retail job I ever had.

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Guest Ginger Bread Man

i did b dalton book store for about a year and a half. super easy work, not very good pay but hey i was young. came back years later when i moved to a new city and needed money ASAP and said fuck this shit. i quit after 3 days second time around.

 

hollywood video for about 3 weeks. all i did there was watch movies day in day out . easy job, i met a few people. wasnt to bad a bid

 

sephora has got to be one of the best jobs period. women galour, light work, very good pay. i would get any days i need off to travell around. i was there a year and a half

 

starbucks was the shit. worked there 2 years and i was moving up the corporate chain however co worker issues i didnt want to deal with was the reason i quit. i met soo many people here. some hella cool as people. everyday of the week i would have something different to eat. from maggianos, giordanos, chipotle, weber grill. fuck that was fun times. the whip its were the shit. we cuffed a whiped cream container and soooo many whip its its not funny.

 

franks nursery and crafts i worked at for a year or so and all i did was steal their paint. i mean ALL of it. as soon as shipment came in i was tossing it to the crash bins out back by the cases. i even walked out the front door with 10 cans of paint in my pants on a reg. anything i could get my hands on worth artistic value was mine...

 

these in no particular order

 

i have a few stories for later

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Guest R@ndomH3ro
i worked at the disney store' date=' and one time i masturbated into this finding nemo doll and i put it back on the shelf after i was done[/quote']

 

 

That is the most fucked up shit. I have a little daughter and she likes Disney stuff, If I bought her said Nemo doll and found that shit I would go to your store and burn that fucking place down with your dumb ass in it. Really, do the world a favor and kill yourself, you piece of shit.

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Agreed^^^

 

 

For you people who fuck with food you guys are fucking assholes I was a chef for a year you people have no pride in what you do.

 

NOW FOR MY STORIES

 

I worked at Guitar Center in the drum dept

 

I got to sit and play drums all day and network with musicians set up my ultimate drum set watch videos play whatever music I wanted on the stereo Sit and hit on girls with my Manager who was a chick and was a pimp (coolest girl ever and best drummer I have ever seen in my life ((you may see her as the drummer for destiny's child if she won the audition she went to this week))) I quit there because it was cutting into practices in the band I was in at the time. (yes i am an idiot)

 

Then I went to another music store smaller. With the sales skills I learned from guitar center in the first month I sold 13000 than everysingle person in the store which was the busiest store of theirs in the state I even sold more than the inside sales people who had accounts with schools and things. I made something like $53,000 in sales in my first month total. These older guys got jealous and said I was giving things away and stealing from the store the regional manager said he didnt want to fire me because I was selling so much but wanted to write me up for the complaints that were false I laughed at him and said if he writes me up for shit I didnt do then I was going to walk out right there. He said he already place the write up with the HQ so I gave him back the key to the store and left. I went back in a couple days later to get some drum sticks and mic cables the guy told everyone he fired me....

 

 

gayness....

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