_nightcrawler Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear. 2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it. 3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad. 4. Shave your pussy. Seriously, shave it bald. 5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody. 6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job. 7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return. 8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life. 9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy. 10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch. 11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches. 12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass. 13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later. 14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass. 15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave. 16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends. 17. Once again, seriously shave your pussy. 18. Just cause you get our period one night, does not give you any right to get it the next. 19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it. 20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do. 21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating. 22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends. 23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already). 24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after. 25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick. 26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite. 27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye. 28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak. 29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass. 30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is. 31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so. 32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound. 33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving. 34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout. 35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life. 36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice. 37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us. 38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too. 39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen. 40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it. 41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you. 42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a Porno instead of a movie. 43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex. 44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm 45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is. 46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels. 47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch. 48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your pussy! 49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck. 50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 30. If you swallow like you should' date=' do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.[/quote'] Haha 'a kiss for granny'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garlic prawns Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 like a bull dog eating mayonaise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lord_casek Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 like a bull dog eating mayonaise. that is comedy gold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madsencarl Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 legendary post. my fingers stink, ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skullnbones Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life. this is fucking sensational. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 anyone here actuallly ever pull of the fabled donkey punch? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kr430n5_666 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 STUPID, LIKE USUAL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r00t Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 fabled? it works Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willy.wonka Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 this is becoming a myspace bulletin.. more of these model sluts need to know... and the good girls as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r00t Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 this is becoming a myspace bulletin.. more of these model sluts need to know... and the good girls as well next time you see me, my girlfriends gonna give you dirty looks you know she reads my myspace hawaiian people are the nosiest people in the fucking world i swear to god Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite. YES!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrIot Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 next time you see me, my girlfriends gonna give you dirty looks you know she reads my myspace hawaiian people are the nosiest people in the fucking world i swear to god of course they are...nothing goes on in their native country eccept big waves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavicon Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 i'm gonna print this out and leave it on my girlfriend's dresser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavicon Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 ...after some editing though, some of these i don't agree with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpyD Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 hawaiian people are the nosiest people in the fucking world i swear to god I thought that was white people?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavicon Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 no, white people are the most unstable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyeBee Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 And the most curious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavicon Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 no, thats monkeys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flavicon Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 stereotypeing is fun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 danm spy...why you hating on our people i thought me and you were whites for life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 white people are the smartest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garlic prawns Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 white people are the best at sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 white people swing their hands too much when they walk. black people always look like they're fucking with a rubix cube when they walk. korean people just can't get help but call everyone a piece of shit. japanese people think the corniest shit on the planet is funny. thai people won't let you borrow anything. ever. irish people are probably some of the most crude people you'll ever meet. italians base their lives around being the sexiest people on the planet. i'm bored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
^ . ^ Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 irish people are great:huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 the last time i put it in a girls butt i got thrown off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 mexicans smell like beans and terminex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 black people smell like black people Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 blacks smell like ass and coconut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 THATS IT! the connection has elluded me since grade-school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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