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You Know You're A Drunk When.......

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You call an ex-friend at 3am to ask what he meant by that remark last July.

 

You once woke up with a new job.

 

You’d never steal a fellow drunk’s drink, but you do occasionally “adopt orphans.”

 

You have to go to court to find out what happened.

 

You only drink socially, except when you’re alone.

 

The arresting officer tells you that you have the right to remain silent and you waive that right so you can finish singing Enter Sandman.

 

You have a lot of respect for that 80-year-old guy at the end of the bar, but you know from experience that he’s a dirty fighter.

 

You got pissed off when you forgot whatever you were drinking to forget.

 

Your friends often substitute “Good night” with “Hey, you can’t sleep here.”

 

You’ve filed assault charges against a coffee table.

 

You think of drinking beer as “sobering up,”

 

Your bed looks a helluva lot like a park bench, and your bedroom looks a helluva lot like a park.

 

You miss the old days when you were younger than the cop that finds you sleeping in a dumpster.

 

To you "Last call!" sounds just like "Please don’t leave! We love you and you're charming wit!"

 

You freak out when you wake up in your own bed.

 

 

You play the same song 20 times in a row at top volume at three in the morning and are certain the neighbors don’t mind because, you know, it’s such a kick-ass song.

 

You watch Behind the Music and think “That’s really not that much alcohol.”

 

You shake the same person’s hand five times between last call and getting booted out.

 

You never blackout. You just take a lot of “loud vertical naps.”

 

You’ve apologized to people you don’t remember meeting for things you don’t remember doing in places you don’t remember going.

 

Instead of “Good morning,” the first words out of your mouth are “Have you seen my trousers?”

 

Lawn sprinklers are sometimes your alarm clock.

 

You get into a loud, enraged argument, then realize you’re alone.

 

You think that drunks are a lot like chess players, only drunk.

 

You feel a tinge of pride when someone refers to you as a “shameless alcoholic.”

 

You’ve discovered that teaching your dog to shoplift from liquor stores was not nearly as hard as teaching him to distinguish between Grey Goose and McCormick’s.

 

You think a wrong number is an adequate excuse to go on a bender.

 

You know a bottle of Jack under your bed is worth a million bottles in the liquor store after midnight.

 

You know that liquor is especially tasty when it comes from the secret hiding place in your roommates's closet.

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Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

 

 

You call an ex-friend at 3am to ask what he meant by that remark last July.

 

 

I get in the most heated beefs with ex's when I'm drunk :shakehead:

 

Suddenly everything I've ever wanted to say to them but had the common sense not to gets said.

 

Whatever.

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Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

 

YOU'RE

 

But some of those were funny.

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Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

 

I get in the most heated beefs with ex's when I'm

 

Suddenly everything I've ever wanted to say to them but had the common sense not to gets

 

Exactly.

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Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

 

trying to explain to your mother why your so psyched on your new type writer that you copped even though you already have a real good lap top computer and your eating sausages just on there own not even in bread or anything. oh and your stumbling and stuttering. and your typing about it all on the zero and probably not making a whole lot of sense and having to re type every word abotu 4 times to get it right.

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Re: You Know Your A Drunk When.......

 

You feel a tinge of pride when someone refers to you as a “shameless alcoholic.”

I like this one.

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You once woke up with a new job.

 

The arresting officer tells you that you have the right to remain silent and you waive that right so you can finish singing Enter Sandman.

 

You have a lot of respect for that 80-year-old guy at the end of the bar, but you know from experience that he’s a dirty fighter.

 

You miss the old days when you were younger than the cop that finds you sleeping in a dumpster.

 

You play the same song 20 times in a row at top volume at three in the morning and are certain the neighbors don’t mind because, you know, it’s such a kick-ass song.

 

You watch Behind the Music and think “That’s really not that much alcohol.”

 

 

:lol:

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You have to go to court to find out what happened.

 

You only drink socially, except when you’re alone.

 

You got pissed off when you forgot whatever you were drinking to forget.

 

You freak out when you wake up in your own bed.

 

You know a bottle of Jack under your bed is worth a million bottles in the liquor store after midnight.

 

yes to all of these....

ahhh, i laughed so hard...

i'm definetly a drunk

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Guest spectr

shit i actually had to go to court to find out what happened once that sucked since it was the cops bringing me to court and i guess i had been extremely violent with them the night before which also explained my horrible bruises and extreme amount of pain and broken bone.

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you know you're a drunk when you wake up next to some random dude with a condom in your ass and a sore penis

 

 

yeah i went there

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