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Raw fish

Suicidal Houseplants

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So, at one point last year, I was on and off dating this girl (please refer to my previous story). I forget what the exact situation was, I dont remember if we were at a good point or at the we arent talking to each other point... either way, it doesnt really matter. One night, she was either depressed or sick or both, so being the caring and generous individual that I sometimes am, I went to the store, bought some soup, some crackers and a nice flowering plant. This was pretty late in the evening, 11pm maybe midnight and this girl was at the time living 2 hours away. I get my stuff from the store and walk out to my car. I set the plant on the roof of the car and go to unlock the door. As Im doing this, the fucking plant jumps off the roof of my car and meets tragically with the pavement. The plant itself remains in the pot and is fairly intact. The flower however snapped clean off the plant. Well, ok, at least I can stick the flower in a vase or something and continue on with my night. Drive two hours, take care of the sick girl, give her the flower, so on and so forth (pretty sure I didnt get laid for all that effort)

 

I dont remember when I made my trip back home, it may have been a day or two later. However long it was, the plant sans flower was sitting on the floor in my car. Upon my return to the filthy man palace I call home, I brought the plant inside, gave it some water and got on with my life. I suck with being responsible around the house, so watering this thing on a regular basis wasnt really happening. It sorta got water when I remembered it was there. Anyway...

 

So, time goes by, its probably been around a year, and one day as Im watering this thing, I notice that its sprouted another flower... the damn thing is going to bloom again. Dope. So, I move it out of the forgotten corner of my living room and put it in my extra bedroom. I figure I will pay a little more attention to it, it will get better sunlight, and to top it all off, it has a little place to call its very own. The plant is sitting on a small table, happy as all hell, with two bright pink flowers that are just starting to open.

 

I wake up this morning and walk by the room the plant is in figuring Ill see how its doing, maybe give it some water, talk to it, admire it, whatever. Now, before I get to the end of this story, I have to say I was pretty happy that this thing was flowering again, I was stoked that it managed to survive a year of me not really paying attention to it. The plan was to take a picture of it when it was in full bloom and share its glory with the internet world via myspace (go ahead, break my balls). Finally, a houseplant I didnt kill.

 

As I walk by the room this morning, I notice that the plant is on the fucking floor. How the hell did it get on the floor? There is potting soil all over the fucking place. Fuck, what the FUCK! Not only that, but as is this plants legacy, the flower has yet again snapped right off. I was the only one home last night, it was fine when I went to bed, and now... this. This fucking plant has a death wish. The damn thing COMMITED FUCKING SUICIDE. Jumped right off the damn table. Again, it looks like the plant will be ok, but damn it, do I have to wait another year for it to flower?

 

First, my costa rican orchid dies, my mini christmas tree (potted) losses its will to live, and now, the suicidal flower...

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Damn. i don't know. I don't think you should have plants. You should spend that time making a robot instead.

 

A Girl Robot.

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