knkr Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 found this amuseing. sure some of you can relate. peas and mash. ========================================================== Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate ------------------ Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck,Tech Support ------------------ Dear Technical Support, 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself. ========================================================== Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellow Feets Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I found 2/3 of that pretty amusing. You get a C+. edit* grammar, ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 good for a laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 this was as gay as c : enter # # # Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 if you've ever worked in an office, you know exactly why shit like that exists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumPuncher Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 ^ exactly. this is what women forward to each other. Men forward thing like hidden goatsee links and 'Why a beer is better than a wife'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knkr Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 never worked in a office. dont plan on it. goatse is most *cough* ill leave it to yas. thought the metaphors where classic. more geek humor. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself): If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have tobuy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this, restart and drive on. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats. 6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads. 7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. 10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department. 12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunTimePartyTeam Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Originally posted by RumPuncher@Mar 14 2006, 07:59 AM this is what women forward to each other. Quoted post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Originally posted by RumPuncher@Mar 14 2006, 10:59 AM ^ exactly. this is what women forward to each other. Men forward thing like hidden goatsee links and 'Why a beer is better than a wife'. Quoted post Seriously. I should just start writing mass emails along those lines, but REALLY fucked up and dark so that when I'm laughing hysterically everyone else is all "uh....yeah....heh...heh............" Fuck you. Be uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 oh man i hate these things. Some stupid NERD girls on my msn forward these things to me. I'd block them, but I'm friends with their boyfriends. FUCKING NERDS!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunTimePartyTeam Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Yeah, nerds are so not cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 These are the same NERDS that talk about having a case of the Mondays and shit like that. Goddammit, I gotta do something about this anxiety. Someone can say the littlest thing to me; something of absolutely no consequence, and it'll fuckin' eat at me for days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunTimePartyTeam Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I had an ex girl that got my email after a few years apart. She put me on her 'forward dumb girlie stuff' list. I actually felt bad when I asked her to stop sending me junk unless it was a real message to me. But as I look back on it, I dont feel bad one little bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weapon X Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Originally posted by FunTimePartyTeam@Mar 14 2006, 02:14 PM I had an ex girl that got my email after a few years apart. She put me on her 'forward dumb girlie stuff' list. I actually felt bad when I asked her to stop sending me junk unless it was a real message to me. But as I look back on it, I dont feel bad one little bit. Quoted post Funny thing is, I bet she was hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. :haha: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend through the building. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building. A woman visits the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have Jobs. On the second floor, she sees a sign that reads: Floor 2 - These men have Jobs and Love Kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hahaha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the shitz Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Originally posted by mr.yuck@Mar 14 2006, 01:45 PM Hahaha. Quoted post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crave Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 8% of forwarded mail somewhat funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 the funny part is that i got this email forwarded to me not three seconds after i read this post... thats funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the shitz Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 maybe you work with someone from 12oz? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I'm pretty sure I've seen it over two years ago. somebodies awful slow on the draw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 maybe you work with someone from the government :five-o: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 haha...the funny thing is...right now I actually am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumPuncher Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Floor 1 - These men have Jobs. that's quality #1 ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Yeah. It makes sense because women love money. Even if its not the highest paying job there is still a good chance that they can get their hands on 50% which boosts their own income. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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