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knkr

Husband Issue 1.0

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found this amuseing.

sure some of you can relate.

peas and mash.

 

 

 

==========================================================

 

 

Dear Tech Support:

 

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower

and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

 

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such

as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable

programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation

8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running

Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

 

 

Signed,

Desperate

------------------

 

 

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:

C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should

automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed,

Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0

and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause

Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

 

 

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.

 

 

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a

supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

 

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited

memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider

buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I

personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

 

 

 

 

Good Luck,Tech Support

 

 

 

 

 

 

------------------

 

 

Dear Technical Support,

 

 

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which

I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently

conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to

try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

 

 

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several

other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

 

 

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a

virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same

time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other

they caused severe damage to my hardware.

 

 

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this

product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use

up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

 

 

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very

unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored

in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months

later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic

Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch

TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files,

and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

 

 

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring

ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to

be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my

Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

 

 

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which

can't be turned off.

 

 

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be

problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0

detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before

uninstalling itself.

 

 

==========================================================

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if you've ever worked in an office, you know exactly why shit like that exists.

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^ exactly.

 

this is what women forward to each other.

Men forward thing like hidden goatsee links and 'Why a beer is better than a wife'.

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never worked in a office.

dont plan on it.

 

goatse is most *cough* ill leave it to yas.

thought the metaphors where classic.

 

more geek humor.

 

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

 

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):

 

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

 

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

 

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have tobuy a new car.

 

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this, restart and drive on.

 

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

 

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.

 

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.

 

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

 

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

 

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

 

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

 

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

 

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

 

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

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Originally posted by RumPuncher@Mar 14 2006, 10:59 AM

^ exactly.

 

this is what women forward to each other.

Men forward thing like hidden goatsee links and 'Why a beer is better than a wife'.

 

 

Seriously.

I should just start writing mass emails along those lines, but REALLY fucked up and dark so that when I'm laughing hysterically everyone else is all "uh....yeah....heh...heh............"

 

Fuck you. Be uncomfortable.

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oh man i hate these things. Some stupid NERD girls on my msn forward these things to me. I'd block them, but I'm friends with their boyfriends. FUCKING NERDS!!!

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These are the same NERDS that talk about having a case of the Mondays and shit like that. Goddammit, I gotta do something about this anxiety. Someone can say the littlest thing to me; something of absolutely no consequence, and it'll fuckin' eat at me for days.

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I had an ex girl that got my email after a few years apart. She put me on her 'forward dumb girlie stuff' list. I actually felt bad when I asked her to stop sending me junk unless it was a real message to me. But as I look back on it, I dont feel bad one little bit.

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Originally posted by FunTimePartyTeam@Mar 14 2006, 02:14 PM

I had an ex girl that got my email after a few years apart. She put me on her 'forward dumb girlie stuff' list. I actually felt bad when I asked her to stop sending me junk unless it was a real message to me. But as I look back on it, I dont feel bad one little bit.

 

 

Funny thing is, I bet she was hurt.

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9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

 

 

:haha:

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A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a

woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is

a description of how the store operates:

 

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as you

ascend through the building. You may choose any item from a particular

floor, or you may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back

down except to exit the building.

 

A woman visits the Husband Store to find a husband.

 

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

 

Floor 1 - These men have Jobs.

 

On the second floor, she sees a sign that reads:

 

Floor 2 - These men have Jobs and Love Kids.

 

The third floor sign reads:

 

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

 

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

 

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

 

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and

Help With Housework.

 

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to

the fifth floor and sign reads:

 

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with

Housework, and Have a Strong romantic streak.

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the

sign reads:

 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men

on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are

impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

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