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Travis from oly and the alano club (olympia)

Date: 2011-07-17, 4:15PM PDT

Reply to:

[Errors when replying to ads?]

Check it out punk,you better have everything you stole from me.Im coming to get it back,Im not coming alone ,and Im not leaving empty handed.You stuck your face in my business,talked shit behind my back,and stole my shit.Your clean and sober and still steal,you truly are a fucking dirtbag.Well see how bad you are you punk fucking bitch.So go ahead ,call the cops,call your buddies,call the fucking president,Im coming to see you and there aint fucking thing you can do about it.My Motorhead shirt better be exactly how I left it boy.See ya soon thief,Im looking forward to it!!!!

 

Location: olympia

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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Rocked

Posted at: 2011-05-21 08:50:30

Original ad:

Clean fill

Need clean fill rocks are fine. not much. cannot pick up must deliver. will take off you hands for free.

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

Hello,

 

I have some rocks I need to get rid of. I have several different types of rocks ranging from 1/2" to 6" rocks. Just let me know what kind you want, how much you need, and when I can send my guy to deliver.

 

Thanks,

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

well i need them to fill a small whole in my backyard so bigger rocks i guess? 6 inch would be good. i only need like 2 wheelbarow loads so not too many. when can you deliver?

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

6" it is. I can have a truck there to deliver any time between 9-5 Monday through Friday. Where are you located?

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

do i have to be there for the delivery? i work every day so those times arent gonna work for me. if its cool could you drop them off tomorrow? just tell your guy to put them on the grass at the edge of my driveway next to the shed

 

heres my address:

 

517 *********** ln

coatesville, pa

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

No, you do not have to be there. I will forward this information to my driver and you can expect the rocks tomorrow.

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

great

 

 

The rest of this conversation is the following day. I looked up his address in Google street view to figure out what his driveway looked like.

 

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

Hey Brad,

 

Just wanted to let you know, we actually need to get rid a few more rocks, so my guy is going to deliver them to your house in about 15 minutes.

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

wait what how many more? i dont want any more i have nowhere to put them

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

We sent a truckload with about 8 tons of 6" rocks. Don't worry, all the rocks are free of charge.

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

8 TONS? what the fuck you better tell your guy not to deliver them

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

you got that? DONT DELIVER THE ROCKS

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

I just got off the phone with my guy, he said he just delivered the rocks. He told me you didn't leave him enough room for all 8 tons by the shed, so he just dumped them in front of your garage.

 

Best,

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

WHAT THE FUCK!!!! i told you dont delever them you fucking dipshit! the fuck am i gonna do with all those rocks? you better get rid of them by the time i get home man..... how am i suposed to park my fucking car?

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

I am sorry that we had to block your garage, but you should have left more room next to the shed if you wanted them dumped there. Unfortunately we lack the necessary machinery to load the rocks back into the truck so removal is not an option. Also, my driver said he accidentally backed into your shed and broke one of the windows. We apologize for this. Consider the free extra rocks as compensation for the damage.

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDING ME MOTHER FUCKER YOUR PAYING FOR THE SHED

 

I LEFT YOU PLENTY FUCKING ROOM FOR THE AMT OF ROCKS I ASKEDFOR. YOU DIDNT SAY YOU WERE DELIVERIG 8 FUCKING TONS OF ROCKS YOU PEICE OF SHIT!!!! USE YOUR HANDS I DONT GIVE A FUCK HOW YOU DO IT BUT IF I FIND 8 TONS OF ROCKS IN MY DRIVE WAY THERE IS GONNA FUCKING HELL TO PAY

 

FUCKING ASSHOLE

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

Brad,

 

If you insist on us removing the rocks then we are going to have to charge you a $500 rock removal fee.

 

Mike

From brad ******** to Me:

 

THIS IS SOME FUCKING BULLSHIT

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

I am sorry you feel that way, but without the $500 removal fee, we cannot remove the rocks. I realize you must be upset about your shed, so if you like, we can deliver another 4 tons of rocks as our way of apologizing for the shed.

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

NO DICKHEAD WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT MORE ROCKS??? DUMBASS

THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. I DIDNT ASK FOR 8 TONS OF ROCKS AND IM NOT PAYING SHIT. YOU OWE ME FOR THE SHED AND YOU GET THOSE ROCKS THE FUCK OUT OF THERE YOU FUCKING PRICK

 

From Me to brad ********:

 

If you aren't paying, then you have to keep the rocks. These are really nice rocks, though. I'm sure you will be able to find use for them. I have a pile of rocks in my backyard and it makes for a great conversation piece. If deer are a problem in your backyard, you can use these rocks to throw at them. They also make great paperweights. There are plenty of things to do with these rocks, so enjoy them.

 

Mike

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

im at my house now. where are the rocks?

 

From brad ******** to Me:

 

oh FUCK YOU

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Another from:

 

http://dontevenreply.com/all.php

 

Childhood Classics

Posted at: 2011-07-12 06:54:03

Original ad:

Wanted - CHILDRENS DVDS

Movies wanted for children aged 5 and up - will take all unwanted DVDs!

From Me to *********@**********.org:

 

Hey there!

 

I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of movies I've had since I was a kid. The movie stores won't take them, and it would be a shame for me to just throw them out. I'd love to pass them on to people who can enjoy them. Let me know if you are interested.

 

Mike

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

Mike - Which movies do you have and how much do you want for them?

 

From Me to Julia ******:

 

Julia,

 

Here is the full list:

 

Alvin and the Chipmunks

Alladin

Backdoor Creampies 2

Beauty and the Beast

Big Black Threesome

Fantasia

Finally 18 and Legal

The Lion King

Mattress Slaves 3

The Mighty Ducks

Toy Story

Wet Squirters 5

 

Please let me know which ones you want.

 

Thanks,

 

Mike

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

Mike...some of those titles are inappropriate.

 

From Me to Julia ******:

 

Julia,

 

Which titles are inappropriate?

 

Mike

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

I think you know which ones...

 

From Me to Julia ******:

 

Are you talking about Fantasia? I know, I thought it was a Vietnam war movie too. I assure you it has nothing to do with Asia and is completely appropriate for children. The only other title I think you are referring to as inappropriate is The Lion King, but I think you are confusing that with "The Scorpion King," the violent movie starring Dwayne Johnson. While the Lion King does have adult themes, it is nothing like The Scorpion King.

 

I hope this clears things up.

 

Mike

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

No...explain to me how these movies are for children??? Backdoor Creampies, Big Black Threesome, Finally 18 and Legal, Mattress Slaves 3, Wet Squirters 5. It sounds to me like you are trying to throw out your porn collection.

 

From Me to Julia ******:

 

Pornography? What a disgusting accusation! What kind of a person do you think I am? You have a really perverted mind if you think those movies are adult films.

 

You've really never heard of those movies? Where was your childhood? I'll find the plot summaries for you.

 

Backdoor Creampies - Cindy, a little girl with big ambitions, decides to open a bakery in her parents kitchen - selling pies to children who come to her backyard. Cindy learns that running a business isn't all fun and games in this hilarious tale of entrepreneurship.

 

Big Black Threesome - Barry, Billy and Bernie are three lovable black bears who have zany adventures during their quest for honey.

 

Finally 18 and Legal - A coming of age story about a young girl who becomes an independent woman.

 

Mattress Slaves 3 - Part 3 of the shocking documentary about slave labor in the mattress industry of third world countries. (Acceptable for kids, and in my opinion, a necessity to educate them on some real world issues. I never bought a foreign mattress again after this eye-opener.)

 

Wet Squirters 5 - The Squirters gang is back again in this heartwarming tale about a group of whales who try to find their long lost father in a vast ocean of wet sea critters.

 

Once again, I hope this clears things up for you.

 

Mike

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

You expect me to believe that all of those movies simply have unfortunate titles? Nice try.

 

From Me to Julia ******:

 

Sorry to disappoint your sick mind Julia, but yes, they are all children's movies. So do you want them or not?

 

By the way, I just found 3 more movies to add to the collection I am offering:

 

Toy Story 2

James and the Giant Peach

Walt Disney's Double Penetration Cockblasts 3

 

Mike

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

Okay I've had enough of this. You are a nut.

 

From Me to Julia ******:

 

Think of the children, Julia. They will never get to enjoy these classic films because of you.

 

From Julia ****** to Me:

 

Go to hell.

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Graff~N~Dance Br0

 

Graffiti artist wanted (down town reno)

Date: 2011-07-25, 7:12PM PDT

Reply to: job-qavc8-2513391703@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for someone who loves to do graffiti but doesnt want to get in trouble for doing it. We have a building in down town reno which we could like our logo on and "advertise here" wuth phone number.. You can ad your artistic ideas but everything will need to be approved by owner.. THIS JOB DOES NOT PAY. Just will help you get your art seen around town.. Will consider throwing in free advertising for the artist. Please email back with what you can do and some pictures of your work.

 

Thank you

 

And the response from some umad guy...

 

 

RE: Graffiti artist wanted ( (down town reno))

Date: 2011-07-26, 4:57PM PDT

Reply to: job-capss-2515068626@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Oh boy, you mean I get to have my art on a wall as compensation for my hard work? Where in hell have people got the idea that artists value vanity over provision. I've been designing professionally for over 23 years and have MANY design peers, not a ONE of them would trade their paycheck in for exposure. And Graffiti is a true artisan expression, not one of those buy-a-mac-become-an-overnight-designer. What is your business that needs walls decorated for free? I'm hoping it's a non-profit org or a homeless shelter. Otherwise, I hope it crumbles to the ground due to your greed and insane assumptions that art is free.

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  • 4 weeks later...

$1000 Best. Roommate. Ever.

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

 

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

 

A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.

 

I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

 

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!

 

A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?

 

I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you shit already!

 

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.

 

EDIT: Craigslist decided to hook my shit back up, and I'm tweeting now. Follow me. Or don't. It's up to you.

 

http://twitter.com/BestRoomyEver

http://www.facebook.com/BestRoomyEver

 

cats are OK - purrr

dogs are OK - wooof

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

 

 

 

PostingID: 2549849730

 

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/sha/2549849730.html

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A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?

 

 

 

 

:lol:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ummmm Really?

 

 

Qualified Exterminator Needed For Big Problem

Date: 2011-09-06, 5:22PM PDT

Reply to: comm-zacf3-2585639495@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

 

I need a big pest terminated, however, I don't know how go about finding that

type of exterminator... they're not exactly in the phone book. Any contacts or

connections would be appreciated. $1000.00 finders fee and $10,000 for an

actual contractor who completes the job.

 

Thank You.

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Healthy Users of Cocaine Needed for Research Study

Date: 2011-09-07, 10:34AM EDT

Reply to: comm-magjw-2575158456@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Healthy users of cocaine (age 21-50) needed for brain imaging study. Study requires 10 - 13 day stay on a research unit at the New York State Psychiatric Institute /Columbia University. Earn $1065 - $1375, depending on length of study. Call (212)543-5564 for more information.

 

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

it's OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist

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Healthy Users of Cocaine Needed for Research Study

Date: 2011-09-07, 10:34AM EDT

Reply to: comm-magjw-2575158456@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Healthy users of cocaine (age 21-50) needed for brain imaging study. Study requires 10 - 13 day stay on a research unit at the New York State Psychiatric Institute /Columbia University. Earn $1065 - $1375, depending on length of study. Call (212)543-5564 for more information.

 

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

it's OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist

 

... This is real?

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^^ yea it is but you legit have to stay at the hospital for two weeks without leavin hahahahaha and ride share man i used to kill that to mtl atleast once a month the dude used to let me ride for thirty bucks and just get shit pissed the whole way

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Woman stole our cat and had her euthanized without our knowledge (Parkview Ave, Bangor)

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 2011-09-14, 8:42PM EDT

Reply to: saltpine@aol.com [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Updated 9/15/11

Just wanted to let you know the outcome. The woman who stole Miskit called my father today and confessed. She told him she's "never done anything like this before" but she took her, went to a vet who told her the cat was "old and possibly had cancer" so she authorized him to euthanize her. Our entire family is in shock. My father is refusing to tell my brother or myself the woman's name. We want to press charges but our hands are tied unless he gives us the information. At the very least I want to spread her name and the story to the local rescue groups so she is blackballed from adopting.

I cannot believe that someone would knowingly steal someone's pet and then go kill it. I am in shock.

 

 

 

LUL^^^

 

 

 

 

 

found your drivers licence

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 2011-09-10, 9:38AM EDT

Reply to: comm-cyvuh-2591411919@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Hi there, did you loose your drivers licence on water street in augusta, well I found it, I wanted to return it to the owner and possibly save them the 50 dolar fee to replace it. I tried to FB this person but had no luck, well if its your contact me and Ill get back to you asap. Thanks PS this is a young ladies ID

 

^^ you think they would just mail it... wtf?

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  • 1 month later...

Oopsy? i saw you doing a painting last night - w4m - 25

Date: 2011-10-19, 12:09AM PDT

Reply to:

Reply To This Post

 

OOPSY!!(if thats you real name??) i saw you painting a piece of street art last night at around 2am..i love your stlye!! it takes alot of guts to put up big street art paintings..you were wearing a gas mask so i couldnt make out your face..i made sure not to scare you so i hid and watched..you amazed me with the effort you put into getting to the location that you painted.....i wanted to approach you but i realized how foolish that would of been seeing how it was 2am and you had just painted illegally..i would like to meet you..but if you find this you will obviously think im the police..but im not..im a fan..im 5'4'' 120lbs....my eyes are green and my hair is always changing..im always combing the streets late at night..i hope i find you soon(or you find me?)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Special Skaters

Posted at: 2011-11-08 05:25:19

Original ad:

Attention all ice skaters and hockey players! Volunteers needed to train children participating in the Special Olympics hockey team. Anyone with adequate skating skill can be used to help teach our athletes to skate. Please call 410-***-**** or respond to the email address above.

Judy

 

From Me to ************@**********.org

 

Judy,

 

I am writing in response to your ad regarding helping children learn to skate.

 

I was a legend in minor league hockey until my career was cut short by a career ending injury. I still love the game of hockey though and would love to pass on my skills to your wonderful children. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Mike

 

From Judy ******* to Me:

 

Mike,

 

I am sorry to hear about your injury. That is very unfortunate. Are you still able to skate? I only ask because we need someone to skate one-on-one with the children.

 

Judy

 

From Me to Judy *******:

 

Oh yes, I am still able to skate. I think you misunderstood me. My career was cut short because I was banned after causing another player to have a career ending injury. It was an unfortunate accident, but the league came down extremely hard on me. It really wasn't fair, if you ask me.

 

Mike

 

From Judy ******* to Me:

 

Yikes! What were the circumstances of the ban/injury, if you don't mind me asking?

 

From Me to Judy *******:

 

Not at all. It really wasn't a big deal. The guy was fine, but everyone turned it into this huge ordeal. During a fight, I broke his eye socket, fish-hooked his cheek apart and slashed his achilles tendon with my skate. He also suffered brain damage from blood loss, but that is more the paramedics fault than mine for letting him bleed out for so long. Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). Anyway, the pussies at the commissioner's office considered it "gross misconduct" and "assault" and gave me a lifetime ban. Can you believe that? I thought this was supposed to be hockey!

 

So like I said, I was a legend in minor league hockey. My nickname used to be "Murderin' Mike" (don't worry, I never actually murdered anyone. It was just a cute nickname). I won more fights than everyone else in the division combined. In fact, I've only ever lost one fight on the ice. But I won the rematch in the parking lot (thank you, tire iron!) I know everything there is to know about fighting and would love to pass on my skills to your kids. If you want them to be the best damn hockey fighters in the special olympics, I am your guy. With my training, the other teams won't stand a chance. The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams.

 

I am currently in between jobs so I can dedicate a lot of time to helping out.

 

Best,

 

Murderin' Mike

 

From Judy ******* to Me:

 

What do you think this is? The Special Dlympics are for the mentally handicapped. You know that, right? What you described is brutally violent and has no place in the Special Olympics. Frankly I think you deserve to be in jail. Thank you and goodbye.

 

From Me to Judy *******:

 

Whoa there. Don't be so dismissive! Do you even know anything about hockey? It sounds to me like you think hockey is just soccer on ice. Well I've got news for you, Judy, you couldn't be more wrong. In hockey, we don't fake injuries and have to miss half the season due to a pulled vagina muscle. We fight it out like men. Fighting is what hockey is all about. It is a tradition that dates back to the first hockey game ever played. If you want your kids to learn how to play hockey, they are going to have to learn how to fight.

 

I'll teach your kids how get away with everything without the referee seeing it. I'll show them how to make butt-ending, head checking, slashing and tripping look like an accident. They'll learn how to fight like hockey players. I have a whole set of moves I like to use during fights. My personal favorite is the "bowling ball", where you gouge both of the opponent's eyes and then jam your thumb into the roof of their mouth. I used that during a fight once and the guy actually started convulsing! It struck fear into the heart of the other team and we ended up winning the game.

 

With my expert training, your team will be the most feared team in the entire special olympics. Please reconsider hiring me.

 

Mike

 

From Judy ******* to Me:

 

You aren't coming anywhere near these children. Your attitude towards this whole thing is disgusting. Its absolutely disturbing that you find this kind of behavior acceptable. Especially for mentally handicapped children. I don't know what kind of insane league you played in but that is not the level of intensity that's meant for these children.

 

From Me to Judy *******:

 

Oh, I get it. You're saying that because these kids are mentally handicapped, that they don't deserve to be treated like regular people? Instead, you want to point out their disabilities and tell them that they will never be able to play hockey like normal people. When I saw in your ad that the kids were mentally challenged, I wasn't fazed. I didn't see kids with disabilities, I saw kids that I could turn into great hockey players. Do you not want them to be able to play hockey like everybody else plays it?

 

Mike

 

From Judy ******* to Me:

 

Give me a freaking break. You know that isn't what I meant. Don't pull that card on me. You expect me to believe that a violent psychopath like you genuinely wants to help the mentally challenged play hockey? Yeah, right! You don't give a damn about these children.

 

From Me to Judy *******:

 

Judy,

 

I am starting to think that you are the problem with this team, not the kids. You do not have the right attitude to be working with these kids. If you want to tell these kids that they shouldn't learn hockey the right way because they are mentally challenged, then that is just sad. It is a shame that you are taking away the joy of competitive sports from these kids. Competitive sports are great for kids - it keeps them from turning to drugs and violence in the streets.

 

Can I please talk to your supervisor? I would like to take your position and suggest that you be fired. You clearly do not have the right attitude to be helping mentally challenged kids.

 

Sincerely looking forward to taking your job,

 

Mike

 

From Judy ******* to Me:

 

Sure - her number is 1-800-GOTO-HELL

 

Sincerely done talking to you,

 

Judy

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TAG UP MY LIVING ROOM WITH SOME GRAFFITI

 

Date: 2011-10-26, 7:12PM EDT

Reply to: sale-fbhns-2670714824@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

let me know, get at me.. shoot me an email..

im looking for someone or multiple people who would like some space to show off their art..

i got a whole living room im willing to donate..

let me know if anyone is interested

send me an email

or text 7862698871

 

thanks

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