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Condi shoots Cheney over cartoon

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Washington (AP) -- The Whitehouse is under fire today after rumors of another high profile shooting, and this one was no hunting accident. Reports confirm that Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice shot Vice President Dick Cheney in the face late Tuesday night during a heated argument over a cartoon.


A source close to the Whitehouse had this to say, "they were both really tired and overworked, I think it was just a case of tempers flaring and an itchy trigger finger."


The two were up late into Tuesday night carrying over into Wednesday morning being briefed about the political ramifications of the new Abu Ghraib photos. As an unnamed Muslim Scholar was discussing the religious significance of men being shown nude, Condeleeza got up from her seat to pour herself a cup of coffee. At this point she looked over at the "notes" Cheney was taking on the meeting. In middle of the first page he had drawn what sources claim was a "picture of nude Rice riding a nuclear bomb into Tehran."


At this point reports are shaky but it is clear that the two engaged in an argument. Rice at one point said "do you think this is funny, Dick?Because I don't find it funny at all." Cheney told her to return to her seat and "quit bitching." Rice then side-cocked a nine-millimeter pistol and fired directly into Cheney's left cheek. She was heard as saying "this is for Harry, punk, who's gangster now?" Cheney took one nine-millimeter slug into his face and was rushed to a Washington area hospital where he is currently in stable condition.


The Whitehouse has remained tight-lipped over the incident, but several Congressmen have redoubled impeachment talks in light of it. One Democratic Representative said, "if he can't even hold his cabinet together how is he going to continue leading the free world? I think this calls his legitimacy into question." "This is symptomatic of the President's 'squeeze first, ask questions last' brand of politics, and I can't support it," Senator Chuck Schumer (D - New York) added.


Rice and Cheney have been contacted, but neither has responded.



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This issue had been building for a while. So say I'm surprised would be like saying I'm surprised my acid-loving roomate was arrested last night for being naked in public.


Condoleezza Rice's Lunch Missing




May 28, 2003


WASHINGTON, DC—National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice announced Tuesday that she is "extremely distressed" that her lunch is missing from the White House break-room refrigerator. "I'm not going to ask twice: Who ate my turkey-and-avocado sandwich?" Rice asked Cabinet members. "My name was written right on it—'C. Rice' in thick, red magic marker, so don't tell me it was an accident." Rice vowed that she will make whoever ate the sandwich buy her a whole new lunch.

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White House Had Prior Knowledge Of Cheney Threat


Aug. 2005 Briefing Warned, 'Cheney Determined To Shoot Old Man In Face'




WASHINGTON, DC—Government documents declassified today reveal that President Bush was briefed last summer of "a substantial risk" that Vice President Dick Cheney would shoot an elderly male in the face sometime in the next several months.


In a Presidential Daily Briefing given to Bush in August 2005, the CIA warned that the vice president was a potent threat to the senior population at large, and in particular "possessed the capabilities and intentions to spray a senior citizen with projectiles fired from a shotgun or other weapon." A second brief identified the population at risk as those "between 70 and 80 years of age," and warned that the vice president posed the greatest threat to "seniors in close proximity to the vice president when he is armed."


The brief, which urged the White House to take "the most thorough possible precautions to disable this threat to the faces, necks, and chests of the nation's elderly," was issued a full six months before the events of Feb. 11.


The emergence of the document is causing many to question whether Bush and his staff adequately understood or appreciated the the risk posed by Cheney.


"To learn that the president's own people advised him in advance of the strong likelihood that Cheney might spray a helpless geriatric victim with bird shot, and still he did nothing, brings to light very serious concerns about this administration's Cheney-containment policies," said Victor Steinberg, director of the Froman Institute, a D.C.-based organization that monitors vice-presidential violence.


Further investigation revealed that reports of potential Cheney violence have surfaced since the early '90s, but were given higher priority in the Clinton Administration. In January 2001, outgoing Clinton Administration officials made specific warnings to Colin Powell, emphasizing the vice-presidential threat.


In a statement released Monday, White House press secretary Scott McClellan pointed to the number of times that random Cheney attacks have been prevented or stopped by the administration.


"The president routinely deals with any number of reports concerning the vice president's assaults on our nation's elderly, such as ear-biting, clubbing, or in one case, the hurtling of a photocopier," McClellan said. "In each case, the president has seen that appropriate steps are taken, whether that means close monitoring of the vice president, adjustments in his medication, or the removal of heavy equipment from his offices, to ensure the safety of those around him."


"We assure you that protecting senior citizens from vice-presidential shotgun blasts was, is, and will remain the highest priority of this administration," he added.

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Originally posted by Milton@Feb 16 2006, 11:22 AM

Cheney took one nine-millimeter slug into his face and was rushed to a Washington area hospital where he is currently in stable condition.


shouldn't he be in VERY stable condition?

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