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YO, WE SHOULD START A ROCK CLUB!


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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Ok, so you fools need to get schooled on what a REAL book is. If I fucking hear another person raving about another emofest like "A Million Little Pieces" or some shitty war history book, I will fucking make your tits explode.

 

This is what's up: Matthew Motherfucking Reilly.

 

The sheer amount of asskickery present in just one of the pages in any of his books completely blows away anything you have ever read, including this post, and this post is fucking awesome. He doesn't even write very well, but just when you begin to notice the grammatical errors and the use of italics for emphasis, BOOM, someone's face gets blown off with a submachine gun, or a large building explodes and a lot of people burst into flames. He is fond of poetic musings such as "His head exploded like a ripe melon", "His head exploded like a burst balloon", and even "His head exploded like a can of tomato soup". Of course, he may be talking about a character in the novel, but deep down he's talking about you, the reader. Reilly makes your head explode about 26 times per chapter, and that's in the slow sections where people stop blowing things up and talk. I actually listen to Slayer while reading these books.

 

 

 

IceStation_USP.gif

 

For example, Ice Station, the first of his novels featuring Shane M. Schofield, aka: Scarecrow, an elite Marine who fucking shits on the entire universe, including black holes. In one particularly riveting moment in the novel, Scarecrow plunges of a 300-foot cliff into the frigid ocean in a damaged hovercraft, and then proceeds to blow up a nuclear submarine underwater using only a magnetic grappling hook. This is after he's battled several military squads, killer whales and vicious elephant seals.

 

 

 

 

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Area 7, the second book featuring Scarecrow. I'm gonna let Publisher's Weekly comment on this one:

 

"...the sheer frenzy of Reilly's approach can inspire awe. How many heroes, after all, can kill an enemy aboard the space shuttle in outer space, then return to earth and dispatch another foe by pushing him into a pool full of meat-eating Komodo dragons all over the course of less than an hour?"

 

 

 

I know you're already scrambling over to amazon.com to buy 700 copies of each of his books, but hold on, there's more.

 

 

 

scarecrow_5.jpg

 

This is it. This is THE asskickingest book in history. In just the first 50 pages, our hero Scarecrow manages to take out two elite paramilitary squads in Siberia, launch a nuclear missile from a submarine, blow up a 13-story building, and escape by attaching himself to a VTOL jet via the same magnetic grappling hook (the Armalite Maghook MH-12, awesomest weapon ever) he used to blow up the submarine in Ice Station.

 

 

That's not all. This book includes a car chase in which Scarecrow, driving a Subaru WRX, gets chased by:

 

-Three Peugeot Rally cars

-A Porsche GT2

-A Ferrari 550

-A Lamborghini Diablo

-Two 18-wheel rigs

-Two helicopters

-Three fighter jets

-An entire French navy fleet, including battleships and an aircraft carrier.

 

Not only does Scarecrow escape the chase, but he blows EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM UP. Including the aircraft carrier. It's far too awesome to handle, I know. I actually had to read poorly translated furniture assembly manuals so I could balance out the intake of awesome and restore sanity.

 

 

 

 

So stop being fucking pussies and pick up something worth reading for once.

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Guest imported_El Mamerro
Originally posted by 26SidedCube@Jan 20 2006, 10:02 AM

Mammero... no offense, but that looks like the shittiest grip of books I've seen in my life. Did you jack those off the library cart in jail or something?

 

 

Pffff. You don't even know the deal. Go read some Palahniuk or Eco or some artsy shit like that and wallow in your "smartness".

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Originally posted by El Mamerro+Jan 20 2006, 10:11 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (El Mamerro - Jan 20 2006, 10:11 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-26SidedCube@Jan 20 2006, 10:02 AM

Mammero... no offense, but that looks like the shittiest grip of books I've seen in my life. Did you jack those off the library cart in jail or something?

 

 

Pffff. You don't even know the deal. Go read some Palahniuk or Eco or some artsy shit like that and wallow in your "smartness".

[/b]

 

Never touched Palahniuk and I don't know that the fuck an Eco is, but you definately made me look like a 'literary snob' by naming 'intellectual' authors that I've never even heard of.

 

All animosity aside, did you guys read the print version of Transporter 2? There were so many explosions and sweet-tastic weapons! It was better than True Lies the novel!

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Guest imported_El Mamerro
Originally posted by 26SidedCube@Jan 20 2006, 02:02 PM

Never touched Palahniuk and I don't know that the fuck an Eco is, but you definately made me look like a 'literary snob' by naming 'intellectual' authors that I've never even heard of.

 

All animosity aside, did you guys read the print version of Transporter 2? There were so many explosions and sweet-tastic weapons! It was better than True Lies the novel!

 

 

I'm sorry, that didn't come out the way I meant it. Basically, my point is that whatever you read is total fucking shit, and Matthew Reilly isn't. This is not an opinion, this is a fact, because I am a moderator.

 

Also, you are gay.

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0312873077.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

 

I've been reading this series since it first came out many years ago. It's a fantasy fiction novel, which I usually don't read, but it's very good. This is book 11 of 12 and it was very fucking satisfying in tying up a bunch of loose ends and leaving the final book wide open to be fucking awesome.

 

 

 

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A very interesting read on the future of computer AI and how the human brain works. I like it. You should too.

 

 

 

6:25 am. more after I sleep.

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