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Krakatau

Road rage remedy

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Christmas makes roads suck, regardless of where you are. Road rage is common, and something you have to deal with. Here is a good way I found to deal with the fuckers: just hit them with your vehicle.

 

I guess some guy felt like I cut him off, so he jumped in front and cut me off reaaaallly hard, then bottlenecked until there was about a quarter mile between him and the car ahead of him, and we were doing about 45 down a busy highway. I try to pass and he speeds up to trap me in. Shit goes on for about four or five miles until I have had my fill and just decide 'Fuck it. Your ride is nicer than mine anyway.' and proceed to give him a nice little 'fuck you' dent to compliment his bumper full of hunting liscense stickers as we go down the road. He was trying to cut me off in the next lane over again, anyway.

 

Long story short, he shit himself and got all flustered not sure of how to handle it and the rest of my drive went smoothly.

 

Works well, and is more practical than playing 'angry mime' through windows at each other.

 

Any other recommendations? D-Cell batteries, maybe?

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this last year i drove a ton on highways.

call me a puss, but anytime anybody fucked with me like that the first thing i did

was take the next turn off and have a chill. then get back on

the road and the rest was smooth. not worth my time and it takes

a couple of minutes off your eta without things escalating.

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^^Probably a good call. I try not to act out of anger normally, but back to back days of sobriety in hopes of passing a UA kinda has me on edge.

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Originally posted by Krakatau@Dec 23 2005, 10:23 PM

^^Probably a good call. I try not to act out of anger normally, but back to back days of sobriety in hopes of passing a UA kinda has me on edge.

 

 

oh those days...best of luck mang.

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i get pedestrian rage.

 

every fucking day. i think it's because im a little stressed out at work, busy season and all.

 

but literally every day. i just fucking want to yell at people on the street.

 

"CAN YOU PLEASE TRY TO WALK IN A STRAIGHT FUCKING LINE, ASSHOLE!"

 

or

 

"CAN YOU NOT WRITE FUCKING TEXT MESSAGES IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE WHILE WALKING DOWN THE STREET, OBLIVIOUS TO THE 400 MOTHERFUCKERS TRYING TO WALK AROUND YOU ON THE SIDEWALK!"

 

or

 

"DO YOU REALLY NEED TO STAND IN LINE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME THAT YOUR BREIFCASE BANGS INTO THE BACK OF MY LEGS REPEATEDLY AND I CAN FUCKING SMELL YOU MOTHERFUCKER?"

 

or

 

"LET ME OFF THE FUCKING TRAIN BEFORE YOU TRY TO GET ON YOU FUCKING SEAT HUNGRY CHINK!"

 

or

 

"GOOD IDEA, COCKFACE. HOLD YOUR GIRLFRIENDS HAND WHILE WALKING SLOWER THAN MY FUCKING GRANDMA THROUGH A MOB OF PEOPLE. BUT MAKE SURE YOU STAND FAR APART SO YOU MAXIMIZE THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE THAT CAN'T WALK PAST YOU. THAT'S IT! GOOD JOB! FUCK YOU!"

 

and my favorite.

 

"OH GOOD JOB. DON'T ONLY STARE AT ME, LOOK ME DEAD IN THE EYES WHILE YOU NUDGE YOUR FRIEND SO HE CAN STARE AT ME TOO. YES, IT'S A TATTOO, FUCKFACE. YES, IT'S A BEARD, DIPSHIT. NON ASIAN PEOPLE HAVE THEM. YOU'VE SEEN US ON TV, RIGHT?"

 

/end rantola

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Yo iquit, do chinese people follow you into bathrooms to inspect your wang? or stroke your arm hair as you walk past?

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I started taking the anti-deppressant Celexa. It totally helped my road rage issues, but utterly killed my sex drive, personal ambition and socialbility. Now I sleep 16 hours a day, but am very mellow when I go out driving...

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Guest Sparoism

I don't have a license, but I consider myself an aficianado of road rage via working as a messenger.

 

I am not one of those assholes who thinks of himself as a "desperate, tattooed urban nomad who races the clock to get there in record time"...fuck all that. I leave that shit to the rookies. The idea is NOT to get killed, and the easiest way to do that is to simply follow the rules of the road while riding in a predictable fashion. It doesn't seem to slow me down, since I'm usually traveling faster than the cars around me...I don't care about my street cred or how important anyone thinks their delivery is. On more than one occasion, I've had to tell them that the best messenger is the one that gets their package there in one piece five minutes late. Badasses with something to prove don't seem to last long due to the fact that hospital visits, jail time, and repeated altercations with peds are not considered good business practice by most companies.

 

However, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I am nice, and I realize a lot of people come to the city from the suburbs, as I do. Unlike me, they aren't used to navigating heavily congested urban areas, and therefore will make serious errors in traffic sometimes. Most of these folks will apologize if you tell them what they did wrong, and to be more careful, etc.

 

The ones that get me are the ones who actually live in the city, and seem to think that they have a right to drive like shit because "I know these streets, man. I'm FROM here."

 

Big whoop-de-fucking-doo. Do you want an ice cream cone with your medal? Oh, I'm all out, so sorry....gosh, did you have to get off the phone and actually PAY ATTENTION when I started beating on the roof of your Benz? Can you hear me now? I know you didn't see me, that was well established when you did that four-lane sweep fifty feet from the intersection to make the right turn to get the parking space I'm now standing in. Oh, you don't talk to common folk such as myself? Well, that's fine...I'd just like a moment alone, anyway. That way, you won't see me cut the valves off of your tires...I heard the S-class series can go miles on a flat. Let's see how it does on FOUR flats.

 

I used to deal with this every single day about five years ago, but since the "New Economy" wasn't Bush-proof, I find people are a lot less arrogant nowadays, especially when it comes to their $80,000 car.

 

The other day, I got cut off by someone trying to merge into the left lane. I had been in front of them for a block or two, so they had seen me. Plus, they honked AFTER the fact...apparently, i did something wrong by taking the lane, so I decided to find out what I could do to please them.

 

I pulled up to the driver's side to see that the car was being driven by a woman who was, ummmmm...."morbidly obese." Let's put it this way- the bench seat in her car was not an option, but a neccessity.

 

So, I tried to help her out by saying, "You know, you could have fit in that lane if you lost some weight." I have never seen someone have a stroke, but I'll bet it looks a lot like the look she gave me....

 

"WHAAAAAAAAT???FUCKYOUYOUSTUPIDPIECEOFSHITI'LL..."

 

All in a day's work.

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long story short, dude was fucking with this poor women because he fealt she cut him off, and i decided to pass him out to get away from him..i get to the next light, window down, smoking a cigarette, etc...dude walks up to my window and tries to fucking punch me while i'm sitting in my car..."you think your cool, you little shit?!?! i'll fuck you up"...the whole time his fat wife is like cheering him on.

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

I have a very affluent friend who once got into a very similar situation as Krakatau's. Eventually he got rear-ended just the same way you did it to that guy.

 

The difference is, my friend stopped the car right in the middle of the road, and got out of the vehicle. The other dude stayed in his car behind yelling like crazy. My friend, who had just got out of tennis practice, calmly popped the trunk, grabbed his racket, and then proceeded to smash the living shit out of the dude's windshield and hood. After he was done and the racket was smashed to shit, he throws a stack of money at the guy's face, gets back in his car, and drives off.

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yesterday this dude stop at a fucking YELLOW LIGHT right in front of me. im the type of person to race through them even if it turns red beofre i enter the intersection, im guessing most of you do too. but this mother fucker stoped at the yellow light when it first turned yellow. that shit pissed me off so bad i thought about nudging him with the kid catcher i got on my truck. it would fuck mines up any so why not? becasue im a bitch thats why. end of story.

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i find the most annoying thing on the road is people who dont know how to merge...seriously at least half the traffic on the highways could be avoided if people knew how to merge...one time going to work some dude was in the right hand lane, sped up and cut me off, so close i seriously thought he grazed me, i honked my horn, he slowed down, started bitching, i (never being able to keep a straight face when people are bugging the fuck out) start laughing and give him the finger, he swerves over towards me pretending like he was going to hit me, only cut it too close and had to cut back hard in the other direction proceeding to smash into the gaurdrail, i was estatic.

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I was so fucked up when I first got my license, I did the most retarded shit. This dude was tailgating like 1 foot from my bumper so I SLAMMED on the brakes and came to a complete stop. To avoid me he ran off the road into a ditch (not fast enough to get hurt mind you, but fast enough that he was def unable to drive his car out.) I laughed and drove away. I drive like a pussy these days.

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^^^ hahah, that rules.

i used to drive a big diesel delivery truck and it was the pedestrians i hated. the students at the university were stupid as fuck, always stepping out in front of our trucks. not paying attention or looking to see if anyone was coming. i'd slip the truck into neutral and stomp on the gas, sounded like i was acelerating. hahah, i never seen the fuckers run so fast. for one of the top 3 schools in the country the student body was fucking stupid as hell.

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yeah i got the mad road rage issues. driving 5 days a week, 70+ miles will do that to you.

 

i have yet to actually hit a dude for cutting me off, but we'll see.

 

i can't stand it when motherfuckers try to speed up when they're behind u in the next lane over, when u try to make a lane change. fuck those bitches. i swerve my car at their escalating cars, and they end up backing off. then i make my lane change peacefully.

 

also, this happening the day after xmas on the way to the mall (you can imagine how bad the traffic was). some dude was in a left turn lane only, and i was in a left turn/straight ahead lane, and of course the left lane only was empty, but everhytihning else to the right of him was packed to shit. so he tries to chill in his open lane, and then when the light turns green he tries to cut over to my lane in front of me. of course i'm not going to let this happen, so i pull up, honk like crazy, and make him stop in the middle of the stree t (i was too, since there was mad traffic, nobody could make it all the way accross the intersection immediately). fuck that guy, i don't care if ur car is nicer than mine, u can go to hell before i let u try to pull some shit like that to me.

 

/sarcasm, will throw a glass bottle at u going 65mph

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