coco chanel Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 FUCKING BUMP :haha: :haha: :haha: edit: Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. Chuck Norris had a birthday party and invited every celeberty except William H. Macy. Nobody likes William H. Macy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOx Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 I just remembered I stole a set print of chuck norris wrestling with eddie cibrian when I worked at a media office about 3 years ago Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hulk hogan Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Chuck Norris invented babies because he got tired of eating the same old thing. lol. sticky edit: Chuck Norris is a world champion in Long Distance Shitting. He once propelled a shit more than 1000 yards, where it landed perfectly in a toilet, without even making a splash. The sport was outlawed, however, after a stray shit from Norris struck a hobo 10 miles away, killing him instantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fondles Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Hahahahah that same page has the Vin Diesel generator/top 30 AND Mr. T g./top 30!! ahhh work has become less boring. i'm supposed to be finishing this graphic in Photoshop...fuck that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 how do you guys explain this i am anxious to see how Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted November 10, 2005 Author Share Posted November 10, 2005 Those are some mean corndogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 in the eyes of a ranger, the unsuspectin' stranger had better know the truth of wrong from right. so when you're in texas look behind you, cause that's where a ranger's gonna be. dun dun dun dun don don don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeRVe54 Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 i spent a good half hour bothering/cracking up a chatroom copying and pasting some of this shit... too funny. where else can i find some stuff like this?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeCrOpHeLiAc Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 Originally posted by shameless self promotion@Nov 7 2005, 09:29 PM "FUCKIN' CHUCK NORRIS!!" Quoted post THis Isnt Chuck Norris... Its Ben Stiller Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crackhouserocks Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 funnest shit ive ever read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GEEB Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 I heard chuck norris could fly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kr430n5_666 Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 http://www.fecalmatterdiscorp.com/images/Bogom.jpg *too big - pmb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeRVe54 Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 that picture was absolutely awesome, but chuck norris didnt do that. that picture was absolutely disgusting, chuck norris must have done that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crackhouserocks Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 i just got word tha chuck norris roundhouse kicked someone over the phone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Double Ewe Tea Eph!?!?!? Could it be true!?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Chuck norris can project his image anywhere he wishes, its easier for his roundhouse kicks to be felt by your grandmother this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cloner Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 hah made me laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GEEB Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 A short story i wrote when very bored and very drunk...enjoy it. The classroom emptied, only Laura and Rachel were left. “Come on you two, Schools out!.� Yelled miss Merrill. “How could you? I thought we were friends!� Cried Rachel. “but—“ Before Laura could speak, “POW!� Rachel slapped Laura and then ran out of the class. Laura was stunned but soon after she ran into the hallway and dialed the nearest phone. “Ring!, Ring!, Ri—Hello?� “Uncle Chuck?� She called Chuck Norris. “Rachel, She slapped me!� Yelled Laura. “What!? How could she—Im on my way.� Hangs up. Laura Then runs outside to see Rachel sitting alone crying, Laura’s heart sank, She realizes that she is wrong. “Rachel, I’m sorry.� Laura sits next to Rachel. “I really shouldn’t have done that, I was stupid.� Rachel sniffling. “Y-You are?� Says Rachel. “Yea—POW!!� Chuck Norris Lands an Ultra powerful round house kick on to Rachel’s already ugly face. It seemed to come out of nowhere. “take that for slapping my niece you Pig!� Yells chuck Norris. “Uncle Chuck! I was apologizing, it was gonna be Okay.� explains Laura. Scratching his head. “Oh…well sorry.� He looks at Rachel-Unconscious. Then Like lightening “POW!� another spectacular round house kick, this time for Laura, It lands and Laura is sent into a state of unconsciousness. “ Never call the chuck if you don’t meant to, Bitch!� “and fuck yo couch!� Then as Mysteriously as he came, He left. THE END. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevefrench Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, dont be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Chuck Norris once had sex with a polar bear, with his orgasm he created the third ice-age, which is also known as the second coming of the robotic Vin Diesel. Rumor has it that the semen from Chuck Norris six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children. Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonnaise in a week. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris is the leading cause of childhood obesity in America. Chuck Norriss dick is so big, it has its own Dick. And Chuck Norriss Dicks dick is bigger than your dick. Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym. Chuck Norris once boned the Mona Lisa, which is why she smiles. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldnt find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour and a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, Always leave things the way you found em! One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on Earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalkers father. Chuck Norris did not shoot the deputy or the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the crap out of both of them. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it. Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30-mile radius. Rick James did not die. He got killed by Chuck Norris after he roundhouse kicked him and yelled "I'M CHUCK NORRIS BITCH!" Few people know that President Jimmy Carter appointed Chuck Norris as Secretary of Awesome in 1978. This cabinet level position was later rescinded in 1981 after Norris refused to give up his title. As well as being an actor, martial artist, and poet, Chuck Norris is also a world-renowned physicist. It was in this capacity that he once had a disagreement about steady-state theory with Stephen Hawking. Hence the Wheelchair. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO. While walking on water in the Pacific Ocean, Chuck Norris ran into his friend Katrina, and she tried to seduce him. Chuck was not pleased about this, so he round house kicked her into New Orleans. Chuck Norris knows how to cure AIDS, but will only reveal the solution if Ralph Macchio is publicly executed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.C.Shadow Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 When Vin Diesel hops in a pool he doesn't get wet, the water gets Vin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crackhouserocks Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 chuck norris broke jessica simpson's marriage up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Miller Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 i got this movie the other day at wal-mart for $5.50. but the transaction itself was a real hassle. the movie had the shrink wrap torn off of it, and this seemed to irritate the troll of a woman selling it to me. so now, picture a bitter old hag in her 60's, possibly 300lbs and about 5'3 picking up a phone and bellowing, "can i get a price check on chuck norris the octagon." at this point, my friend's cousin decided to throw a plush orange fish at the back of my head. certainly enough, it didn't come anywhere near my head and hit the hunchback woman in the tits. those kids took off trying to contain their laughter, and left me alone to deal with the cashier. to top it off. she fucking carded me because it was an r rated movie. carded for a fucking chuck norris movie. was it worth it? hell yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLIKBITCH Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 those who dwell on the saying "size doesnt matter" they have obviosly never had sex with chuck norris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLIKBITCH Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 http://www.chucknorris.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLIKBITCH Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 http://www.chucknorris.com/ funy shit, check it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLIKBITCH Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Originally posted by RiSC@Dec 9 2005, 12:13 PM Chuck Norris does not have AIDs, but he gives it to people anyways Quoted post Chuck norris spreads the bird flu as a part time job, thats it we need a thread on the bird flu, but i cant be fucked making it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Chuck norris is sending his book "AGAINST ALL ODDS, MY STORY" to everyone worldwide. the press has suspected this book will take the place of the bible koran and every other religious book known to man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Welcome to Chuck's Chat Room. Because of abuse the the chat room is now for scheduled appearances ONLY! NOTICE! The chat room is closed unless a scheduled chat has been posted below, please check back for future appearances. If you have questions you would like posted to a Q & A please Email. Scheduled Chats: NONE (as of 3-10-2005) --- Chat Room is Currently Closed--- GOD DAMNIT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guerillaeye Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 New Top Thirty Facts REVISITED Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 3536 8 Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 4138 7.73 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 2342 7.62 Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 211 7.61 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 4130 7.48 Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 3796 7.47 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 3966 7.46 The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 4118 7.43 To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 4302 7.4 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 2295 7.36 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 3889 7.35 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. 2799 7.33 When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 3264 7.31 Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. 3226 7.29 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 1114 7.27 Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. 1082 7.23 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 3212 7.23 As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. 1127 7.23 A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 2130 7.2 According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. 1068 7.2 Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. 3181 7.2 Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 2201 7.2 Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 3311 7.19 Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. 2912 7.18 Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 3001 7.17 The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 3209 7.17 If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down. 2395 7.17 Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. 3852 7.16 Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 3269 7.16 At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris 2907 7.15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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