Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Originally posted by Pfffffffffft@Sep 29 2005, 11:27 AM i have a fear of my pants touching the toilet or the florr as i hover over it like im waiting for the fat black guy to jump off the highdive. KURPLUNNNK!!! nobody likes public toliet water to backsplash on there rectum :shook: Quoted post I get the splashes all the fucking time. I have really stiff shits, very rarely do I drop a softie. It usually comes out in smaller, more dense clumps, which is the equivalent of a normal long turd folding up into several cannonballs instead of one smooth, elegant swan dive. The thing is, the further up I hover over the water line, the more acceleration the turd gathers on its way down and the farther up the splash goes. It actually helps to lower your ass closer to the surface to avoid the splashback. Another trick I'm fond of using is the pendulum technique. Through sheer concentration and ages of meditation I have learned to anticipate the exact cutoff moment of each turd. I estimate it in advance, and begin oscillating my ass back and forth a few seconds before. If the timing is perfect, the turd drops at the very apex of a backswing, which means it'll travel parabolically to the back of the toilet and away from my ass. By the time it hits the water, my ass will be at the apex of the frontswing, and the splash completely misses my anus. You feel like a fucking engineer when you pull it off. Sometimes, you'll time it just wrong, and the exact opposite happens: the turd travels forward, and the water splashes all over your nuts, which is just terribly unfortunate for everyone involved. Don't be discouraged though, a few tries and you'll master it in no time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 i'll try out your techniques, mammero. something i don't like is when my dick touches the front of public toilets on the top rim or the inside. i don't like sitting on the back of the toilet seat due to the added ass surface area contacting it. also sometimes there's fecal residue smeared on the back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coco chanel Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Originally posted by BUCK FUSH+Sep 29 2005, 08:34 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (BUCK FUSH - Sep 29 2005, 08:34 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-fatbastard@Sep 29 2005, 10:17 AM Can I just say, when i visited america I realised it has the worst plumming ive ever come across, I had never seen trash cans/bins near a toilet before to dispose of toilet paper because the crappy pipes can only handle minimal loads.... Yuck! Never had that problem in Australia. Never. Quoted post haha ever wonder why you were never invited back? :idea: Quoted post [/b] dude seriously get the fuck out of here... the worst toilets? go to india and walk in the streets those are luxurious toilets right there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tough Love Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 i usually hold my shits til i get home...i never need to shit when im out. i just fart Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoGotJokes Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 some of u people are whats wrong with the public restrooms. flush yer shit n wash yer hands. really, there aint shit funny about someones leftovers. i prepare my hand towels before i wash my hands, so i dont touch the towel crank. contaminations no joke? splashbacks r bogus. throw down a layer of that crappy one-ply and it will hold u down. no puns were intended in this post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 I feel HIGHLY uncomfortable in any toilet other than my own. Especially public toilets, i will avoid shitting in those things if at all possible. To the point where the only thing holding back the shit is my clenched butt cheeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wreck1 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 me and my buddy used to snap flicks of our shit in the toilet to see who could squeeze the longest ones out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CACashRefund Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 ^^Do i hear an idea for a 12oz contest? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODS-1 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 I will only shit in my toilet, or a hotel toilet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pfffffffffft Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Originally posted by El Mamerro@Sep 29 2005, 06:58 PM I get the splashes all the fucking time. I have really stiff shits, very rarely do I drop a softie. It usually comes out in smaller, more dense clumps, which is the equivalent of a normal long turd folding up into several cannonballs instead of one smooth, elegant swan dive. The thing is, the further up I hover over the water line, the more acceleration the turd gathers on its way down and the farther up the splash goes. It actually helps to lower your ass closer to the surface to avoid the splashback. Another trick I'm fond of using is the pendulum technique. Through sheer concentration and ages of meditation I have learned to anticipate the exact cutoff moment of each turd. I estimate it in advance, and begin oscillating my ass back and forth a few seconds before. If the timing is perfect, the turd drops at the very apex of a backswing, which means it'll travel parabolically to the back of the toilet and away from my ass. By the time it hits the water, my ass will be at the apex of the frontswing, and the splash completely misses my anus. You feel like a fucking engineer when you pull it off. Sometimes, you'll time it just wrong, and the exact opposite happens: the turd travels forward, and the water splashes all over your nuts, which is just terribly unfortunate for everyone involved. Don't be discouraged though, a few tries and you'll master it in no time. el mam..you are the man.. this post is golden... precise details on the technique. I estimate it in advance, and begin oscillating my ass back and forth a few seconds before. also known as The Alabama Cragdangle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumPuncher Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 page... you cant sit on the crapper while it's flushing or else there's a severe potential for splash-back I'm with iquit on this one..... it does more damage than good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumPuncher Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 oh...... I have shits that would scare ALL of you into not drinking. I'm not even going to descibe the vileness that has leaked out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 ^^Yeah, it's crazy what a bottle of Jameson can do to your insides in 12 short hours. Sometimes, you'll time it just wrong, and the exact opposite happens: the turd travels forward, and the water splashes all over your nuts, which is just terribly unfortunate for everyone involved. This gem will hold me over until the Burning Man thread becomes a reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fermentor666 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Originally posted by ARCEL@Sep 30 2005, 12:38 AM i'll try out your techniques, mammero. something i don't like is when my dick touches the front of public toilets on the top rim or the inside. i don't like sitting on the back of the toilet seat due to the added ass surface area contacting it. also sometimes there's fecal residue smeared on the back. Quoted post Toilet paper in the front, my man. Always toilet paper on the front. Think of it as a nest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fermentor666 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Also, if I have to shit, it's going to happen whether I am in public or not. I don't prefer public toilets but I'm not going to be a primadonna about it. The trick is to know where the better ones are, like George Costanza. Are you going to go in the large trainstations dirty, disgusting urinals, or are you going to go across the street to the large, fancy hotel's bathrooms where you get actual towels to dry your hands with and they have the little waste basket to put the towels in after you're done with them. Think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figarofigaro Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 hilarious thread public restroooms are prime territory for pulling the "upper tanker" i'm sure the poo rides for some time in there too, yuck. i think the worst is after a huge meal and i gotta practically run home to drop a deuce and ol girl is in the next room hearing the explosion of shit and farts. fucking apartments. i think its worse thinking about peoples reaction to shitting, than it actually is for the people to hear/smell. kind of like giving a speech, it seems worse than it is. haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duh-rye-won Posted September 30, 2005 Author Share Posted September 30, 2005 Originally posted by El Mamerro+Sep 29 2005, 11:58 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (El Mamerro - Sep 29 2005, 11:58 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Pfffffffffft@Sep 29 2005, 11:27 AM i have a fear of my pants touching the toilet or the florr as i hover over it like im waiting for the fat black guy to jump off the highdive. KURPLUNNNK!!! nobody likes public toliet water to backsplash on there rectum :shook: Quoted post it'll travel parabolically to the back of the toilet and away from my ass. Quoted post [/b] roflociraptor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODS-1 Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 It's impossible to find a bathroom in NYC. I seriously felt like letting loose on the sidewalk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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