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Celebrities Gone Wild!

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Everybody loves celebrity gossip. ‘Sept of course all the sane people out there that realized celebrities are just like everyone else but more pathetic cause they get paid way to much to do what kinder gardeners call “Pretend” and they think its work. But fuck those people. Celebrities are awesome and we love hearin’ all the crazy shit they do cause there to jacked up on coke and uppers to know what a Walmart is or how this whole “election thingy” works. Ohhh so lets get to the gossip!



DMX Slaps Berlin GAYS!

According to German newspaper BZ, two men in Berlin have filed complaints against the artist claiming that he assaulted them following an appearance at the Sage Club on Sept. 16. Oliver Osterode and Julian Schmidt, both 24, say they got into a scrap with DMX over alleged comments made while in they were all in the bathroom.


"I wanted to go to the bathroom and meet DMX,” Osterode told BZ. “I told him that I think he's cool, but Lil’ Jon is better.” Then he freaked out. He slapped me in the face, and then his bodyguards attacked us."


Osterode said he was left with a swollen eye, bruised ribs and other lacerations, while Schmidt reportedly has bruises on his abdomen.


First thing we need to do is take a second look into this “report” and find the real story. These two dudes follow DMX into a bathroom. Definitely gays! What you gonna talk to a broth while hes takin a shit? No your gonna wait outside the bathroom till a brothas wiped his ass properly then get his autograph. Keep in mind these guys names are Oliver and Julian! No these guys wanted something special. A little bump bump in a brothas trunk trunk if you get my drift. I think the story went something more like this:


Oliver: Hey Julian, you zee that big black man go into a stall where we first meet?

Julian: JA!

Oliver: Les do a little bit of da Bumped z’s grindizen!

Julian: ZJAH!


Oliver and Julian bust open the door and corner DMZ in the stall

Julian: Hey mista big boy, mmm hmmm zah you! I’ve got somthin’ special for you

Oliver: Zah!

DMX; Oh baby I’ve been waitin’ to try out some Berlin sausage!

Oliver: Zah we saw those big dick suckin’ lips and knew we were in for a treat

Julian: Here have a taste of my little John!

DMX: WHAT!? Little John where?


Here DMX goes into a hissy fit slappin, spankin and grouping everything in site


On to one of our favorite gossip factories good old PARIS HILLTON!


Paris Hilton is hedging her amorous bets by romancing her record producer, Scott Storch, and her fiancé, Paris Latsis, at the same time, sources claim. As Star reported in its last issue, Hilton, 24, has not only been seen kissing Storch, 31, but a source says the new couple, who spent a lot of time together during New York Fashion Week, is already believed to be hooking up. At the same time Hilton, who still wears the engagement ring Latsis, 22, gave her, is taking steps to keep his heart captive. On Sept. 17, she surprised onlookers in Beverly Hills by tenderly kissing her often-estranged fiancé goodbye on the lips as they sat in his car during a shopping trip.


So could this be the stupidest piece of news I have ever heard? Maybe. Hmm lets see people what is one thing we have all learned in the past few years about a certain Paris Hilton? Hmmm we know she’s famous....we know she’s blonde....we know she’s dumb.....but what’s one thing we really have learned above all about this certain celebrity? SHE’S A WHORE! A stupid slutty cum bucket here to serve anyone with a fast car and enough coke for her to forget her miserable existence and her eating disorders. Wow news people, GET THIS, Paris Hilton is getting with more than one guy in the same five minutes! Holly cow stop the presses! I bet if you went a surveyed a kinder garden class and asked “Who is Paris Hilton and why is she famous?” Every little kid would say “she’s a whore and cause she’s a whore”. DUH! I mean what numbfuck thought this was something amazing. Shit im sure that faggot Paris ok wait hold on. Does anyone realize that Paris Hilton found a guy name Paris and married him? I mean how much coke is this dumb broad doing? Really? She has got to put enough coke up her nose every day to support Andy Dicks habit for 6 years. Anyway as I was saying im sure Paris (her boyfriend) loves the fact that she will fuck anything that moves. HES MARRYING her isn’t he? Its not like hes marrying her thinkin she’s gonna be faithful! The world has seen this girl suck cock for Christ sake she isn’t exactly the girl next door kids!


Well enough of that hot beef hole lets go the opposite direction to a young virgin that wont stop calling me, Mary-Kate “I have a million dollars and I fuck black men in my spare time” Olsen.


Mary-Kate Olsen loves splurging on her beloved chocolate-brown Lab, Luca. "This dog is her baby, and money is no object. She has a thing for dog accessories," a source tells Star People. One of her favorite stops is The Wagging Tail, an upscale pet boutique in Santa Monica that MK, 19, often goes to with Luca by her side. "She recently bought eight dog harnesses made with leather and studded with rhinestones and semiprecious gems," the source says, noting that the bill topped $800.


The first thing I love about this “NEWS FLASH” is that Star Has “a source” giving them all this juicy MK Olsen dog loving hijinks. God what the phone calls to star must be like:


Operator: Star People Gossip Line...


Caller 1: Hey I got the new scoop on Courtney Loves new drug habit!


Operator: Old news... *hang up*


Operator: Hello, Star People Gossip Line...


Caller 2: Hey I just saw Austen Kooter spend $500 on anal nitrate


Operator: Hold on ill transfer you to our Fashion Section

Operator: Star People Gossip Line Hello?


Caller 3: I just saw MKO Spend$800 on dog toys!


Operator: Holly shit balls Martha Sterwarts ASS! When


Caller 3: Just today ohhh my god she was wearing the cutest sweater you would not believe


Operator: OMG what did it look like!?


And on and on. God. $800 on a fucking dog! Imagine if you were this tight twats boyfriend! Holly shit my Harness would be goddamn diamond studded with my name engraved in the fuckin buckle shit. Id be eating her ass with a golden spoon. Oh man people are so sad with there animals though. Ill bet shit takes that fuckin dog to some LA hair stylist and spends like three of my months rent on a “trim” to her dogs ballsack. Could you imagine having this much money! I bet they wipe there asses with $10 bills.




this is me trying to be funny writing for this little shit graff zine im puting together. tell me if it sucks and why it will acompany childish photoshoped pictures of the celebrities mentioned doing sillythings


blah blah blah

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HOLY shit. HOLY. Holly = a girls name.


Also: you suck. You are trying WAY too hard to be funny (ie: using 4 adjectives at once is a bad thing).

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to the guy who asked if this thread is still open... no, no its not still open, its closed, like your girls legs, like the bank after 5, like my baggie of trees, like michael jacksons child molestation case, likemy car doors right now, like big puns casket. and because its closed like that, its impassible for me to post here, impassible, not impossible, nohings impossible, since im obviously doing it, im overcoming what would be expecte dto be impossible. dont check your common sense at the entrance of channel zero my students, dont check your common sense at the entrance of channel zero.


i love you, bye

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Originally posted by ODS-1+Sep 28 2005, 03:50 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (ODS-1 - Sep 28 2005, 03:50 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'>Damn dude, your not funny at all.



<!--QuoteBegin-boogie hands@Mar 8 2001, 10:28 PM

in fact i think i love her.....nah, scratch that, i just want to hit it from the back while she calls me "senator".....







































thats funny...

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