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guerillaeye

It feels good to laugh...

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LITTLE MICHAEL ON MATH

 

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence

and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on

little MICHAEL.>< BR>>He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the

first gunshot."

 

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your

thinking."

 

Then little MICHAEL says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3

women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately

licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second

is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is

biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

 

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the

one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

 

To which Little MICHAEL replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with

the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

 

LITTLE MICHAEL ON MATH

 

Little MICHAEL returns from school and says he got an F in

arithmetic.

 

"Why?" asks the father?

 

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies MICHAEL.

 

"But that's right!" says his dad.

 

"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

 

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

 

"That's what I said!"

 

LITTLE MICHAEL ON ENGLISH

 

Little MICHAEL goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are

going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an

example of a multi-syllable word?"

 

MICHAEL says "Mas-tur-bate."

 

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little MICHAEL, that's a

mouthful."

 

Little MICHAEL says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

 

LITTLE MICHAEL ON GRAMMAR

 

Little MICHAEL was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he

needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need

to take a piss!!"

 

The teacher replied, "Now, MICHAEL, that is NOT the proper word to

use in this situation. The cor! rect wor d you want to use is

'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,

and I will allow you to go."

 

Little MICHAEL, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight,

but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

 

LITTLE MICHAEL ON GRAMMAR

 

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a

show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the

same sentence twice.

 

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father

bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in

it."

 

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little

Roger.

 

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out

beautifully."

 

She said, "Excellent, Roger!" Then the teacher reluctantly

called on little MICHAEL.

 

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she

was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

 

LITTLE MICHAEL ON GETTING OLDER

 

Little MICHAEL was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar

after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from

him said,

 

"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will

give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat"

 

Little MICHAEL replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

 

Little MICHAEL answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.

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a brunette redhead and blonde all run into a store at once, they run up to the man at the cash register and ask for a place to hide, he says sure and gives each one a burlap sack. soon after men run in with guns and ask if he saw the 3 girls. the employee says no, he hasnt seen anyone. they ask if they can look around and he says be my guest. they run across the burlap sacks and think they are shaped funny, they kick the sack with the brunette in it she goes "ruff ruff".. they say ok, it's just a dog, they move on to the next one, the one with the redhead in it. they kick it and she goes "squeel squeel".. they move on thinking there's a pig in there. they get to the bag with the blonde in it, kick it and the blonde goes "potatoes"

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Little MICHAEL was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar

after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from

him said,

 

"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will

give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat"

 

Little MICHAEL replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

 

Little MICHAEL answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.

 

hahahahahhahahahahaha

*

Ill post up some later *reserves

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Guest krie

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

 

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

 

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

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Originally posted by krie@Aug 23 2005, 01:50 AM

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

 

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

 

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

 

 

one of KRIEs last few post.

 

:(

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RIP.

 

 

 

Why do women have boobs?

 

 

 

So you got somethin' to look at while you're talkin' to 'em.

 

 

- Peter Griffin

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