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Fuck This Shit Thread - no homo


Frate_Raper
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Re: Shit The Shit The Shit The Shit The Shit Thread

 

My Saturday Night

 

Everything on my to do list a couple posts up was achieved.

So I'll start at my night in the city.

 

When I arrived in gay town I needed a place to eat.

Headed down to the Wharf for some quick cheap seafood.

I ordered a "Wipeout Burger." Grilled onions, bleu cheese, medium rare patty on a sesame seed bun.

It was cooked perfectly. I'm talkin delicious.

2 girls at the table next to us wave. I casually wave back.

By the amount of drinks on their table guys have been hittin on them all night.

Zero don't play that shit. I dont pay for shit unless I've seen you in the kitchen or in the doggy position.

We pay. Well kinda. Anyways we walk the fuck out of there and head back to the car.

Bunch of random black dudes gettin hyphy and "Turf Walkin" in the streets.

I laugh.

I'm pretty sure MLK, Frederick Douglas, and the BLA would've stopped freedom fighting if they saw these kids.

 

Got in the car.

We need to hurry to make it to the lounge so we can get in the club by stretch hummersine.

I fell asleep.

I wake up 20 min later to my two friends arguing on how to get there.

Luckily I'm a goddamn compass.

We find said lounge.

We start arguing with the crackhead controlling the parking lot.

10 bucks in the city isn't high at all compared to 22 but I'm a cheap ass.

Oh shit Hummersine starts leaving.

I make the mad dash to catch it and start banging on the doors.

My brothers party of 40 yells and cheers.

Seems like they're having a great time.

Sweet. My friends and I just made it.

On to the club.

 

We were suppose to get their before 11.

It was 11:30.

No matter.

The line was huge to get in.

No matter.

My friends didn't have proper attire.

No matter.

 

With the snap of the fingers a guy named Corey unhooked the velvet rope for us to get in.

I love the feeling you get to just walk pass everyone else who has to stand in a line.

Makes me feel like a somebody.

Inside I receive my special VIP wristband. Awesome.

I take an elevator to the VIP floor.

The door opens up and I'm greeted by Debo and hes holding a flashlight.

"Wristbands?"

I show him with confidence and walk past him.

 

Holy shit. The VIP floor is out of a fuckin movie.

Plush white leather couches, ambient lighting, private bar, private DJ, private rooms separated by white curtains, a view that overlooks some of the city, and hot tub for the bitches.

Tommy Lee co-owned a great location.

 

Bottle service arrives.

I ask my brother how much was it.

350 a bottle.

I nearly choked on my grey goose.

Fuck I could've paid 40 bucks at costco for this but I guess you're paying for everything else too.

So 6 bottles and 10 drinks for me I feel like smokin.

 

I head down to the second story for a little ciggy my niggy.

Crazy dance floor.

A little balcony is setup for smokers.

I start talkin to some beez who cant stop dancing even though shes smoking.

Tell her I got VIP stats and she could come upstairs with me.

She accepts. Score. Her friends were all dime pieces as well.

I head back up with my entourage of poon.

 

Guy at the elevator doesn't even question the wristbands.

Oh shit. When I was downstairs smoking someone must have let in the Asian hottie crowd.

Lens would've came in his pants twice to see this crowd.

I'm talkin model status.

And the hot tub was gettin put to use. Sweet.

 

I ask this one bird to dance. She accepts.

I'm probably the only flip in the club that doesn't know how to dance.

No matter.

After I cut a little rug I head to the private room with my chickadee from the smoke room.

I cut up a line or two for her.

She gets mad zooted and horny.

I dont do that shit anymore so I declined.

She was a little upset but that didnt keep her from kissing me.

 

Lips soft and wet.

I love it when girls where a ton of lip gloss.

I start fingering her underneath her black skirt.

Steamy.

Fuck it I'm mad drunk so I threw a slim fit condom on.

Jokes.

I didnt bother to take off my pants just a little cock through the zipper.

Thug status.

Sitting on the couch and having a coked up girl ride you while you're pretty sure you can be seen through the curtains is wild.

I love VIP status.

She finishes before I do.

I'm pissed.

"Nuh uh bitch you better keep going sweetie"

She does.

I eventually finish and am happy as hell now.

She writes her phone number on the back of a business card I made.

There is nothing business related about me.

She walks away into the night.

 

I look down at my pants.

Fuck the blacklight shows that bitches nut all over me.

I laugh but I realize I need to get to the bathroom quick.

No dice. Theres a long line for the bathroom.

So I stand in line for about 20 min explaining to people why it looks like I had a cat cough up milk on my pants.

The story is a hit in the bathroom line.

I get cleaned up finally.

Bottle service ended.

Fuck.

 

I casually make my way to the private bar and steal a bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey.

Headed back the the private room again.

After a couple of drinks one of the waitresses notices the bottle.

"Sir you're going to have to pay for that"

I did.

350 out the window.

I even tipped her cause I was so fucked up.

Wrote my number on the 10.

I hope she calls back because she was slammin.

 

Blur. I dont remember what happened here.

 

All I know is I just woke up in my bed naked with the taste of cigarettes in my mouth and a missing cell phone.

God I love VIP status.

 

 

How was your guys' Saturday night?

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