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The Helacious Dr. Dazzle

How to be the Funny Guy at the Office

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10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath, even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

 

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone that you were just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of fucking queers.

 

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during a meeting, put one finger in the air and make a noise like you're hocking up a loogie. Then spit the custard into a glass, hand it to the person sitting next to you and say "Beat that!".

 

7. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker". Then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good ass-fucking.

 

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and one hand down your pants.

 

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know", then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even correspond with their actual race.

 

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them all sweaty, then walk around shaking everbody's hands.

 

3. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is covered with shit, laugh and point at them and call them a fucking asshole.

 

2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell "It won't stop, help me!". Then when it stops, look down and say "Oh".

 

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Take it to the bathroom and stick it up your ass. Take it back to the person you borrowed it from and ask them to smell it. When they tell you it smells bad, tell them "It should, I had it in my ass".

 

Some funny assed shiiiit.

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.....no matter how many times i get forwarded this, it always kills me....r

 

 

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know", then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even correspond with their actual race.

 

 

...if only i had the balls to do some of these.....

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I cracked up laughing reading that stuff.. I think its some of the funniest shit i've ever heard!!

 

Man oh man...

 

Considering I used to work in an office building, I can just picture the responses that those uptight shitheads would have given me if I did something like that..

 

My god.

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