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KaBar2

Terrorist MONKEYS Now

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I read a story in the Houston Chronicle today, byline Patiala, India, where Indian authorities are maintaining a MONKEY PRISON. Apparently it is against Hindu religious principles to kill monkeys, because they may be living representatives of the Hindu "monkey-god" Hanuman. New Delhi and other Indian cities are overrun with hungry, mischievious monkeys who invade homes, steal food, bite people, destroy property and act aggressively. Since people cannot kill them, they often retreat inside their homes, keep the kids home from school and so forth. (I swear this is a true story.)

 

Now they have a monkey jail, where they have ten monkeys in a cell about 15x15 and 12 feet high. The sign outside says "These monkeys have been caught from various cities of Punjab. They are notorious. Going near them is dangerous."

 

The monkeys are captured using cages and tranquilizer dart guns. None of these monkeys have killed anyone, although there are cases of monkeys killing human children and attacking adult humans. The first inmate was captured at a vegetable market in the village of Sanam, where he was biting people as they shopped.

 

One monkey stalked a housing development in the Jalandhar district, stealing schoolchildren's lunches and opening up water tanks where he drank the water, bathed and took a shit.

 

"It only takes one bad monkey," said P.C. Atalia, the divisional wildlife officer in the Patiala district. "Rumors begin to spread from one house to another, and there is a panic. The way rumors heat up, you stop your kids from going to school, You lock all your doors."

 

(What's next? Stockpiling food and water, arming oneself with an assault tranquilizer gun...)

 

The jail smells. The cage is littered with peanut shells and black peas. Ten monkeys live there now, three new arrivals are in isolation "lock down." (Perhaps the squalid conditions are meant to serve as a deterent to monkey misbehavior...)

 

This place angers people such as Maneka Gandhi, an animal rights activist who is also the daughter-in-law of former Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi. She says bad monkeys can be rehabilitated, taught in sancturaries to live in groups and eventually be released into the forest. "You can't treat them the same way as humans, as bad and good," she said. "You can't just jail them."

 

The newest inmate at Patiala, trapped in a cage on Monday, is called Ayurvedic College Monkey (the monkeys are named after where they were arrested.)

 

On Sept. 7, a local newspaper ran a photograph of the monkey. The caption proclaimed "Team of forest and wildlife officials catching a hold of a terrorist monkey."

 

(No word if he is affiliated with any organized simian criminal groups.)

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Monkeys are always a good time. They should dress them like humans and give them beer. Also, add in some midgets for a even spicier mix. Midgets and monkeys dress like humans, can't be wrong.

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Oh yea, that makes total sense, you have got to make an example out of them. Otherwise, how will the other monkeys know that by sleeping, eating and shitting their a disruption to flow of traffic at the fruit and vegetable markets. Damn nature for being SO inconsiderate.

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Actually they were sent by the Rothschilds to create international mayhem, thus ensuring Jewish control over the earth.

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when i saw the thread title, i thought, Kabar's finally lost it. anyway it seems like it would be easier to take the monkeys to a remote area. or put them to work mining diamonds.

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Originally posted by the_gooch

isn't a monkey jail just another name for a zoo?

this was my initial thought as well.

 

and i agree with what suburbian said. all cultures have funny shit that they do.

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I wouldnt want those motherfuckers biting my kids.. Spreading all types of diseases and shit..

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...i heard about some terrorist giraffes that were haunting a village in africa by reaching their heads through windows and eating babies...

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i understand it's for their culture and everything, but i doubt that any of them are "living representatives" of their monkey god hanuman if they're biting children and attacking adults. they need to kill them rabies infested terrorists.

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Originally posted by phism

and they probably don't want you cutting down their trees and building cities.

 

keyword being "want"... Are monkeys really that intelligent? If so, they would understand that stealing from humans/villages is a bad idea..

 

/doubt it.

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Nekro

 

Well, I don't know if we can really trust the biased, liberal media in India, but apparently these are HINDU monkeys, not Jewish monkeys. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if these monkeys are really Hindu at all. They might be Jains, or even Buddhists. No wait. Can't be Buddhists, because they aren't pacifists. Hell, I don't know for sure. But they don't LOOK Jewish in the photo.

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hey, props on not killing the monkeys. shit, you ever gotten in a fight with a monkey? you'd die.

 

what happens when your neighbor's dog goes into your house a couple times fucks up your food and diseases it and frightens your children? it gets put to sleep. you'd put your boot in that fucking dog's mouth first off, i'll tell you that much.

 

the fact they have enough respect for the creatures so as not to kill them is enough for me.

 

in the catholic religion, they tell you that anyone can be the second coming of christ. what if a hungry jesus#2 came in your house all hagrid and ate your food and fucked with stuff because he was parting your dining room table or something? you wouldn't reach for the shotgun? and i know how much kabar loves arming every citizen in the world just incase said circumstance happens...

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Originally posted by phism

and they probably don't want you cutting down their trees and building cities.

 

^this would work, except, monkeys don't have conscious thought. instinct and emotions aren't enough to warrant us thinking about what they do and don't want (as far as cutting down trees and building shit where they live).

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Seldoon

 

Are you like ABSOLUTELY SURE that monkeys are not intelligent? We're finding out that chimpanzees can talk to humans in sign language with fairly complicated sentences ("I don't like bananas. Give me the cocaine.") Could be monkeys might have a more sophisticated view of the world than we know.

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