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What the heck is emo? Well my friend, I'm here to tell you everything you need to know. By the time you get through reading this poorly designed web site, you shall be a stuck up elitist know it all snob just like me! Let's begin:

 

[What is emo?] [How to dress emo] [How to act emo]

 

 

[What is emo?] I can't explain this in my own words so I will just paste information taken from other web sites:

 

Emo is a type of music. Short for emotional. However, a lot of people have taken it beyond the music and turned it into a way to dress. A lot of old school scenesters (ha ha) get really pissed off at this new "wave" of people that have jumped on the bandwagon and are dressing this way. Eventually the trend will die out but it currently is having its 15 minutes. More info can be found here.

 

[How to dress emo] This varies depending on where you live and if you are going for the indie emo look, the nerdy emo look or the dressy emo look. I shall go over all 3 from head to toe.

 

The indie emo look - (best for girls and guys 16-20)

 

 

# Dyed-black short hair with bangs short and cut straight across the forehead. Spikey in the back, slightly greasy. Really light blonde hair on girls often works too.

# Piercings. The more the better.

# Jewelry. The more the better. Beads, etc.

# Horn-rim/thick black frames/cat eye glasses (this works for all three types).

# Tight, fadded shirts with random slogans. It should look like it could have been bought at a thrift store but you didn't (but you really did). It takes a while to master that one.

# Dark denim jean jackets.

# Messenger bag covered in patches and pins (that you actually bought at shows).

# Tight pants, sometimes cuffed once or twice but never more!

# Black or blue converse shoes.

 

The nerdy emo look - (best for girls under 17 and guys over 21)

 

 

# Short hair. Style it messy, but not spikey.

# Horn-rim/thick black frames/cat eye glasses (this works for all three types).

# Thin, tight, solid dark color v-neck sweaters. I call them Grandpa sweaters.

# Band shirts.

# Messenger bag covered in patches and pins (that you bought at Hot Topic but you tell everyone you got them at shows).

# Dickies work pants. Blue, black or grey only!

# Argyle socks.

# Black converse shoes.

 

The dressy emo look - (best for girls and guys over 20)

 

 

# Black or brown hair. Flipped out on girls, mop top on guys.

# Horn-rim/thick black frames/cat eye glasses (this works for all three types).

# A silver necklace with a star charm.

# Scarves.

# A black or navy blue pea coat.

# Black messenger bag. No patches, 1 or 2 pins at the most (and only at the bottom of the strap).

# Heavy dress slacks.

# Doc Martens or clunky black shoes.

 

If you still are a bit clueless, take a look at

these. Or this. Another thing you need to be emo can be found here.

 

Also, to be emo you have to be really skinny. Why do you think so many of them are vegans. If you are not skinny, you have to lose weight before you can officially be emo. How many emo girls do you see walking around with a big tank ass? That's what I thought.

 

[How to act emo] Now that you know how to dress the part, you must know how to act the part. This is, in my opinion, the most important step of all! Follow my directions closly, because we all know nothing is worse than a poseur and nothing is better than getting scene points!

 

Before you worry about how you are going to change how you act in "real life", you must change your "internet life" first. Erase your PunkPrincess182 screen name and change it to something a bit sadder. Such as xsadxstarx. If you need help, a handy emo screen name generator can be found here.

 

With your emo screen name in place, you must type emo. Example:

 

this.is.an.example.of.typing.emo..this.kind.is.mostly.used.on.websites. &we cant forget about this kind. &thiskindwhichisannoyingasfucktoread. tYpInG LiKe ThIs iS nOt TyPiNg eMo. That's just typing retarded.

 

Then, put your new typing skills to use by having conversations with other random emo people you've met online. Where do I meet them online you ask? At make out club! But now moc clones are popping up all over the place. We also recommend: lipstick and cigarettes, lipstick party, mad rad hair, not popular and there are probably more we are leaving out. Let us know of any new ones. Anyway, at those sites you will find hundreds of guys and girls showing off their photography skills and name dropping talent. Another good place for meeting other emo people is at different emo bands message boards. Watch out for the poseurs though!

 

On the message boards, make a name for yourself. Become a "regular". Be sure to tell all the people that list the bands they like that they are not emo enough and that they should go away until they get some real taste in music! If they ask what you like, refuse to tell them. Give them a reason like "you are not worthy enough to step into my music world". Or anything similar.

 

Now lets change how you act in real life. First, you must go to as many shows as you can! I can not stress that enough. Whether you like the band or not. If you like the band, then you can enjoy it and get scene points! If you don't like the band, you can stand there bitching about how much the band sucks. Then people will come up to you and ask why. You can then talk about how the bands you listen to have so much more talent. Then you get to name drop! Now the fun begins because you can make up band names. However, they should still be very emo so you sound like you know what you are talking about, even though you don't. Go here for some ideas.

 

# [Emo tips] Now that you are emo, I have a few more tips for you: Talk constantly to your non-emo friends about being emo. Each time they ask you what it is, say something different. Make it sound all mysterious and secretive.

# Try and share your emo music with as many people as you can. Get really angry when they don't like it. Get really mad when they do like it and try to share it with other people.

# Like meat? Well stop. Being a vegitarian or a vegan is one of the most important requirements of being emo. Find out more here.

# When eating M&M's, only eat the red ones.

# Start a livejournal, deadjournal or a diaryland diary. Write in it about all the shows you have gone to and how they have changed your life. Lie if necessary. Be sure and put the song you were listening to at the end of each entry and occasionally post some poems.

# Remember: the fad of anti-fad.

# Buy a digital camera and take lots of pictures of yourself. Turn your head as you take them so only your ear or eye or part of your hair shows. Then open them up in photo shop and blur them even more. It makes them look artistic. Taking photos of random objects in black and white also looks artistic. Once you've done that, you can consider yourself an art student.

# Expect hardcore and straight edge kids to make fun of you. Tell them "your scene is dead!" and run away like the little wuss you are.

# Join a band or make a new one. You'll suck, but at least you can tell people about it and it might help you get that cute emo girl's e-mail address. Go here for the emo band name rule book. Or if you're really lazy you can use the The Emo Band Name Generator. Another one is here.

# Find out exactly how emo you are. Or find out your emo mood.

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Attitude

 

* Philosophy on life? Philosophy, what's that? If you can think about why you go through life depressed and unhappy, while pretending to be cool, you're not emo. To be emo, you have to think with the crowd, not think for yourself.

 

* The height of achievement for an emo boy is to live to forty while mooching off his parents and clutching their inheritance. This will allow the emo boy to go to emo concerts in the future and listen to the same old derivative music that got its start in the punk movement back in the 70's. Ah, we mean the 90's. If any emo music you listen to has its roots in anything before 1998, then you're old school and therefore not emo.

 

* Starting an emo band allows for an even bigger attitude. The following are the steps to starting an emo band:

1. You have to safely rip off the music of other emo bands you listen to. Originality is not emo.

2. You have to pick a good name. Mineral, Knapsack, Braid, Chisel and Castor have all been taken, but an ordinary name is good. It implies emptiness and unhappiness. Even better, combine it with something nonsensical like bands such as Pedro the Lion, Texas is the Reason or Seven Storey Mountain.

3. To score it big, a name like Fork the Big Bear or Penciled Black Earth Widgets might help you go platinum.

4. In the emo world there is no such as thing as being too ordinary, despite the fact that anything original wouldn't be emo. A common song like "Sucky Loser Girls" wouldn't work, but a better title like "She Says I'm Too Smart" or "No Friends - No Life: would be a hit.

 

* Perhaps the emo hit of 2002 will be "Short Fat Dweeb with a Right Hand Girlfriend" It's catchy, it implies hoplelessness, and most importantly of all, it corresponds to most emo kids.

 

o Guys: Write EMO love songs for your girlfriends. Write about how you miss the scent of her hair and her clam. EMO also really dig it when you give them a promise ring to symbolize your love. Just make sure it's not a 25 cent ring unless that's how you really feel. If you do not have a girlfriend, then you should write a songs for your cat.

 

o Girls: Write your EMO boyfriend love letters about how every other guy you have dated in the past has not made you feel the way you feel when you're with him. Talk about the emo names for your unborn children: Dexter, Nathan, or Davie.

 

* The trick is to act as if you are completely impoverished. Sure your parents make a considerable amount of bling bling each year, but act as if you cannot even afford a cup of water.

 

* Always walk slowly while looking at the ground, and speak in a light and painful voice whenever someone speaks to you. Always talk about your personal problems, and if you're truly emo, interject your personal problems with the lessons you found in your Jets to Brazil or Getup Kids lyrics from the CD you ripped off Kazaa because you are too poor to buy it yourself.

 

* In class, casually remark how prices are going up at the local thrift store, and you can't seem to buy that pair of third or fourth hand greasy tennis shoes on that shoestring budget of yours because you spend your money on bus fair and concert tickets so you can go see your favorite bands each month play the same music and take your money so they can produce more of the same stuff that you'll rip off Kazaa next year.

 

* In personal discussions, center your life around talking about how bad your parents treated you, and how you've been through numerous fruitless relationships and are looking for an emo girl because she knows what you're going through. No personal discussions should concern anything positive, enlightening, or worst of all, happiness. Remember, if you're happy with your life, then you're not emo.

 

* Your AIM screen name or email address should consist of some dramatic or superfical word surrounded by X's. The X's denote that you are either straightedge or 'hardcore'. If you don't know what either of those two words mean, then just take our word on the fact that if you want to be emo, your online handle must be surrounded by X'x. Personal favorites: XXsobbingKittenXX or XXtooEmo4YOUxx

 

* Emotions are the key to being emo. Act like your kitten just died, and you don't have a damn friend in the whole wide world. When people ask you how you feel, then you should reply with the following adjectives: morose, empty, bitter, lost, aloof, distant, sad, heartbroken, or my personal favorite "I don't know how I'm feeling".

 

 

 

* To get away with pretending that your girlfriend dumped you and you're all depressed, an emo guy has to be short, chubby, and wear thick glasses to make the impression that he was dumped for a jock. It especially helps if you wear wristbands or mark your hands with an X like you're straightedge, not to mention getting your ears pierced so you can give the impression that she dumped you for a guy that's straight and a jock.

 

* If you've got a guitar, sit outside one day while everyone's going to class and strum a lousy ballad while you whine about how your parents are cutting your allowance and you can't go to Wal-Mart anymore to spend money.

 

* As long as you project an air of coolness with your whiny depressive attitude and those preppy clothes that you bought from the thrift store, you're on your way to being an emo rockstar.

 

* Acting effeminate is all about being emo, since you're trying to find yourself while recovering from being dumped. And since most emo guys are actually straight, you shouldn't fret that you're acting all gay when you're really aren't. Remember, being emo is all about looking cool. And even if you don't score a babe, you'll still meet lots of girls who want to have you as their best friend, giving you the impression that you have lots of girlfriends when in reality they just tell you their problems because they think you're gay.

Every EMO couple should strive to look like this

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