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Guest WebsterUno

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

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Guest WebsterUno

Ask your momma!

 

I need a good laugh, bring it!

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Guest WebsterUno

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his butt

 

ok, heres another…

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a mushroom walks into a bar.

 

the bartender says 'hey, sorry, you gotta leave. we don't serve mushrooms here'

 

to which the mushroom reply's 'why not?? i'm a fungi..' (get it, fun guy?))

 

har har har

 

------------------

PRUDE - If I had nuts, you'd be on 'em.

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Guest WebsterUno

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling

 

hardy har har…more, more

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Originally posted by WebsterUno:

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his butt

 

ok, heres another…

 

My 5th grade teacher at our Catholic elementary school told our class that joke, but instead of "the cannibal" he said "Jeffrey Dahmer" (in light of current events...)

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Cover charge: $15.00

Round of drinks: $23.00

Table dance: $30.00

Another round of drinks: $23.00

Couch dance and tips: $50.00

A round of shots: $34.00

Another round of drinks: $23.00

Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00

Private dance and hotel room: $500.00

 

Sending her on her way and never having to listen to her bitching...

 

Priceless

 

There are some things in life money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.

 

 

 

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed."

 

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

 

Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire.

 

"Why that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly.

 

"No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!"

 

"And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.'"

 

"More Things You Will Never Hear a Man Say"

 

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.

 

2. No, I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

 

3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.

 

4. Her tits are just too big.

 

5. Sometimes I just want to be held.

 

6. That chick on "Murder She Wrote" gives me a woody.

 

7. Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.

 

8. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.

 

9. Fuck "Monday Night Football," let's watch Melrose Place.

 

10. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.

 

11. It's late, put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

 

12. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?

 

13. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?

 

14. Do these jeans come in lavender?

 

15. I love jogging dear, but I can't keep up with you, you go on ahead.

 

16. This shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it.

 

17. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder.

 

18. My butt's too big, don't lie, it's true. I know my butt's too big.

 

19. It's okay, I'll sleep in the wet spot.

 

20. I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.

 

21. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

 

22. Your mother's coming to stay with us again? Great!

 

23. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her.

 

24. No way, you weeded the garden last week, it's my turn.

 

25. Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines, I don't look at them anymore.

 

26. I understand.

 

27. This movie has too much nudity.

 

28. Damn, we're late for church.

 

29. No. I don't want to see your sister's tits.

 

30. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

 

31. Oversized T-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat chicks.

 

32. Put some panties on, for Christ's sake!

 

 

 

 

 

[This message has been edited by bobobi11 (edited 09-21-2001).]

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that stu pidass guy lives by my city, its a fake number.

 

but holding pecker is a real guy in our phone book.

 

[This message has been edited by T.T Boy (edited 09-21-2001).]

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why do women wear white on they weddings?

 

it goes well with the appliances.

 

why did the woman cross the road?

 

who cares why wasnt she in the kitchen?

 

what dont women wear watches?

 

the stove comes with a clock.

 

 

sorry girls, my girl told me them , so dont get angry.

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bad/racist australian jokes

 

q. why'd the koala fall outta the tree?

a. cos it was dead

 

q. why'd the second koala fall outta the tree?

a. cos it was nailed to the first koala

 

q. why'd the boy fall off the swing?

a. cos the koalas hit him

 

q. what do you call an aborigine in a car?

a. thief

 

q. what do you call an aborigine in a porsche?

a. a dead aborigine

 

q. what do you call an aborigine with a gun?

a. sir

 

q. what do you call an aborigine without a gun?

a. anything you fuckin want

 

q. what do you call an aborigine on welfare?

a. rich

 

an aborigine walks into a bar with one shoe on. the barman says "did ya lose a shoe mate?". aborigine says "nah, i found one"

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What is the difference between a fag and a refridgerator?

The refridgerator doesn't fart when you pull out the meat.....ewwwww!

------------------------

This ham sandwich walks into the bar and sits down.

The bartender walks over to him, and says, "We don't server ham sandwiches here."

The ham sandwich said, "Oh, I'll just have a drink."

BaDaChing.

 

[This message has been edited by Dirty_habiT (edited 09-21-2001).]

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Guest WebsterUno

hahahahaaha, you guys got me ROFLMAO

 

here…

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what

have you done wrong?

A: Made her chain too long

 

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling

 

 

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting

pregnant and calls the vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he

should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the

slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his

ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are

pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and

will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

the farmer hangs up and gives it some thought.

He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has

to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives

them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and

goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing

that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first

try didn't take effect, and loads them into the truck again. He drives

them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings

them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around.

"One more try", he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and

drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and,

upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he

cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his

wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. "No",

she says, "they are all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

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