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The Nonsense thread

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JUNE 30--Angered that her grandson ate too much bacon at breakfast, a 63-year-old woman chased the boy out of her Pennsylvania home and pinned him down on the front lawn, where she blasted him in the face with a garden hose, police allege.


Marilee Ann Kolynych was busted Tuesday evening on endangering the welfare of children, simple assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct charges. Her grandson, 9, was not injured during the attack.


In a Clifton Heights Police Department report, Officer James Press noted that the child “stated that he had been getting tortured by his grandmother…all day for an incident that took place during breakfast.” According to Press, the matter involved the child consuming more bacon than anyone else, which angered Kolynych.


A witness told Press that Kolynych chased her grandson around the yard before throwing him to the ground and “sitting on top of him beating him on his legs and spraying water at very close range into [the boy’s] face.” The child told cops that “the nozzle setting was on full blast.”


The child eventually broke free and “ran across the street, using a neighbor’s phone to call his mother, who was in the basement while the incident was taking place out front.” Even after the boy’s mother arrived outside, a witness reported, Kolynych continued to chase after the child.


Kolynych, free on bail, is set for a July 7 preliminary hearing.

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That's a relief -- at least for the loose-boweled postman who just couldn't wait until he got to a bathroom, dropped trou and answered the call of nature in a Portland resident's yard. It seems he'd been on probation since the incident occurred, and has just been informed that he gets to keep his job.


About a month ago, a neighbor, Don Derfler, noticed the postal worker acting strangely, and decided to keep an eye on him, discreetly snapping a few photos. Derfler caught the carrier defecating, and sent the photos to authorities.


"We trust people like the Postal Service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told a reporter from KATU in Portland. "To come on to our property and to defecate -- it's just wrong."


The postal worker had been on unpaid probation ever since.


After conducting a thorough investigation of the situation, the Postal Service announced it will allow the offending employee to keep his job, but they're putting him on a different route. Neither the postman's identity, nor his new route, have been released.

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