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The Nonsense thread


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I can fucking hear that sound      also-Are there real people behind the political spam texts?   earlier....    

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When we were in middle school, we found his mom's duffle bag in the closet with a huge black dildo. Next, we found a jar of Vasoline in his mom's bedside table with a giant scoop missing from the middle, like someone dipped and greased a baseball bat with it. The unfortunate part, for him, is his mom lost one of her hands to drugs when she was younger and had a stump about that size. Let your imagination run with that, we have never let him forget that. NEVER FORGET.

 

Then, we're in high school and he's living at his dad's. They're out of town for the week, and we find a briefcase under the bed. After some cleverness from another friend, we pot the combination on it. It was a porn emporium. Gimp masks, cock rings, nipple clamps, dildos, videos... anything you can think of, it was in there. We put the pics of his stepmom on a newsgroup (I know I'm really dating myself here).

 

Mind you, we're all about two hits of acid in... I pull out a huge studded dildo and smack his girlfriend across the face with it. Everyone laughed, so I did it again. Irritated, she bites it as I am swinging it at her and locks down on the head of it. About four seconds in it dawns on everyone in the room where exactly that thing has or could have been.

 

He broke up with her within three days, he said he couldn't get the thought of kissing her afterwards out of his head. Best part was, unbeknownst to him, we had taken this now teeth-indented dildo and hid it between the legs of a wolf statue up on a mantel in the family room. His stepmother and father found it about a week after their return home.

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