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st.nick

bak da fuk up

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Guest --zeSto--

did you see the special Islamic "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" that aired on Sunday night? I believe the State Department is using this as evidence to back up their claim that Osama was involved in the attacks on the United States:

Saddam: "Ok, we're back. Thanks to our sponsor 'Terror Airlines'. When you absolutely positively need to piss off a superpower, kill thousands of innocent people, and waken a sleeping giant to come after you, your family, your family's family, and your herd of concubine goats, choose Terror Air. Sitting in the hot seat, in more ways than one, is Osama Bin Laden. Osama, it says here one of your hobbies is goat fucking. How long have you been doing 'The Billy Goat Gruff'?"

 

Goat Fucker: "Well, Saddam, I started off with sheep. One of the great things about wearing a thawb is there's no zippers to frighten the animals when you sneak up behind 'em."

 

Saddam: "Yes, yes, that's true. I've enjoyed many a farm animal. Ok, this is for 125,000 rupees. Were you responsible for the cowardly attack on the USS Cole in Yemen?"

 

GF: "Hmm, Saddam, good question. You know, when I'm in the mood for dysentery, I like to head down to Yemen. See what targets of the Great Satan are lurking about. So, the answer is yes, I am responsible."

 

Saddam: "Final answer?"

 

GF: "Yes, final answer."

 

Saddam: "You're RIGHT for 125,000 rupees! Tell me, what did you think of the quality of goats in Yemen?"

 

GF: "I was pleased. They're not very smart goats, so they just stand there for as long as you need 'em to."

 

Saddam: "Very well. Ok, we're up to the 250,000 rupee question. If you miss this one, you go back to 32,000."

 

GF: "This is as nerve wracking as handling chemical weapons!"

 

Saddam: "Oh, I 'Kurd' tell you about that, ha ha ha! All right, were you responsible for the embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania?"

 

GF: "That's a tough one. Can I call a friend?"

 

Saddam: "Do you have any?"

 

GF: "Yeah, there's Quadaffi."

 

Saddam: "Ok, AT&T, when you're done calling people at supper to get 'em to change their long distance service, can you get Mohamar on the line?"

 

Mohamar: "Hello?"

 

Saddam: "Mo! This is Curly! I've got Larry here in the hot seat and he's working on pissing off the Americans even more than they already are."

 

Mohamar: "That old goat fucker!"

 

Saddam: "The very same! Ok, Osama, go for it."

 

GF: "Mo, was I responsible for the embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania?"

 

Mohamar: "Oh hell yeah. Don't you remember we were watching that movie 'There's Something About Allah.' You asked me and Curly if we wanted some popcorn. You fired up your AOL account -- Allah On Line -- and fired off a couple of 'instant jihads'. Hell, Lar', Curly and I thought you were in the Goat Chat Room . . . " [click]

 

Saddam: "Well, that was a quick thirty seconds. Mo seemed pretty confident that it was you . What do you say, Osama?"

 

GF: "Well, he did seem to remember the details. So, yes, my answer is yes, I was responsible. Final answer."

 

Saddam: "And you're RIGHT for 250,000 rupees! Well done. Ok, now we're going on to the 500,000 rupee question. How you feeling?"

 

GF: "It's a little nerve wracking. But, hell, it's no worse than going through the security checkpoint at Logan International!"

 

Saddam: "Oh you *rascal* you! You've got 250,000 rupees. We're going for a half million. Tell me: were you responsible for the 1993 World Trade Center bombing? Yes? Hell Yes? No? Quaker Oatmeal?"

 

GF: "Saddam, can we do the 50/50?"

 

Saddam: "Sure, let's do that. Can someone clear the desert sand out of the computer so it can take away two wrong answers? Well, look at what's left. There's 'yes' and 'Quaker Oatmeal'."

 

GF: "I don't know about this. You'd think that I would be responsible, but lots of people in New York eat oatmeal, so maybe that's the right answer."

 

Saddam: "You stand to lose a lot of rupees that you could be spending in Pakistan when they come get you if you get this wrong."

 

GF: "I know, I know. Ok, I'm just going to take a guess. 'Yes'? Final answer."

 

Saddam: "And you're RIGHT for 1/2 million rupees!"

 

GF: "Wow -- this is incredible. You know, when I hired that blind asshole, Omar Abdel Rahman, to mastermind the bombing, I didn't realize how incompetent he'd be. He could have taken out Crazy Eddie's or the Metro Library for all I know. Wow, Saddam, I was really just taking a stab in the dark."

 

Saddam: "Et tu, Brutus? Ok, here we go. One million rupees. Were you responsible for the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11, 2001?"

 

GF: "Absolutely not."

 

Saddam: "You seem sure about this. You want to take a minute to think about your answer? It's for one million rupees."

 

GF: "No. I'm sure of it. No. I'm not responsible at all."

 

Saddam: "Final answer?"

 

GF: "Final answer."

 

Saddam: "I'm sorry, Osama, that's not right. The CIA and the FBI have linked those attacks right to you."

 

GF: "What a crock of shit. I didn't do it. I swear on my own mother's grave right next to the brothel where she worked all of her life. Wait. Do you hear that sound?"

 

Saddam: "Yeah, that's the sound of an American B-52. You can tell when they release their payload by the throttling up of the engines . . . yeah, just like that . . .

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