BUCK FUSH Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 if she gave you head before this so called "dry sex," than you may still have some live and kicking "soldiers" still in/on the tip. please continue with said story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerCityRebel Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I feel like i am watching a soap opera.Bravo Milton i cannot wait till the next episode..Oh yes good work on the basehead.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skullnbones Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 this is dopest story ever. please carry on. and even once your actual real story is over please continue to lie and entertain us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 These idiots didn't even have rocks they were freebasing straight coke. I almost offered to cook it up for them but I didn't want to involve myself. I have just got off the phone with Jagermeister girl and it seems there was no actual sex, and I kept going back and fourth to the bathroom so I'm sure whatever soldiers were there were dead as can be. Plus I never actually finished the job when she was hooking it up, cause I was drunk and pretty numb. We "need to talk" so shes coming to visit tomorrow... Telo, it was exactly like that with a few "damn you're a soldier"s... And now volume whatever we're on. So its about 4:15 4:30 when I arrive at the "other girls" house, and I knock for like 5 minutes to no answer, so I try the door and its unlocked. I walk up the little stairs and into the living room and witness my friend and his bird in mid anal sex, shes literally biting a coach cusion and hes thrusting away. I say "Ohhhh shit" and start laughing hysterically and pointing. Eventually I'm persuaded to go "hang out" with vicky the virgin, so we talk for a while about nothing much, make out a little, but by this time I'm completely not feeling it as having no sex the night before and having no sex again so I tell her I have a girlfriend and I shouldn't be doing that and she gets sort of mad, but not really and we talk till about 5:30. So I go out into the living room and it looks like a scene out of a porno there is lube strewn about in huge bottles, some neon green vibrator on the floor and my friend and his bird are passed out naked on top of eachother. So being the kind considerate person I am, I go to the kitchen get a glass of the coldest water from the fridge and throw it on my boy. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen, he like woke up and had no clue where he was or what was going on, he looks at his bird in shock and says to me "The fuck are you looking at us naked for." Like I'm some kind of homo or something. I just die laughing tell him we should get going and to throw some clothes on and say goodbye. We make it to the courthouse around 6 and he goes in to check in and shit. I follow him in and we look at the list of who is supposed to be there. For some reason his name is not on it, which seems weird, but we go to check in with the clerk to find out this idiot had court May 6th not April 6th so we came all the way out here and had all this drama for no reason. So we haul ass and get home around 9. I have slept a grand total of 3 hours in 2 days, I now have a Mickeys Ice hangover, I feel like shit and I decide I will check my voicemails for fun... I'm stopping here to keep you in suspense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by Tesseract its a matter of trust and i hate being proven wrong. I know exactly what you mean which is kind of what bothers me about the situation. And no matter how transparent the "I'm gonna be in love with whoever will show me some attention because I fucked up the best thing I had going for me" is, it's still a little akward that she finds some junkie fag to be with. I mean I'm not saying that I'm great and any woman should be greatful to have me, but at the same time I at least have some things going for me in life. I don't know, whatever... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avils Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by Asickeronius "Look man........you can have the basehead beotch you fucking punk bitch....get out of my face!" :lol: and this ladies and gentleman, is now my new signature. word up asiconer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 wow man crazy weekend...i can just see a visual of u walkin into the court room after all this with that look of just goin threw sum shit on ur face..almost like a movie...kids 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarcasm Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Milton... Thank you for entertaining me on your own expense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 hahaha that is some funny shit, you shoulda grabbed a camera and taken photos or somethin watchin the bitch gettin hammered from behind hahaha funny story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gfreshsushi Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 i feel for you. the weirdness always seems to pile up into a very short time frame and it fucks with you for a while. sucks about the basehead girl, i fucking hate cokeheads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASH.UGT Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 GREAT STORY! i think you should write a book. is it today then u r going to tlk to this girl or tomorrow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PalestineOne Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Milton, I loved monopoly back in the day. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodney Trotter Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Bravo Milton the entertainer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Things actually sort of came to a head today so I guess I will finish up instead of holding the Brazilian Soap opera fans in suspense any longer. So I'm home, its afternoon, I'm dead tired/hungover and basically feel like shit. I ripped my favorite jacket, I got none there is still a huge wreckless driving/ we might suspend your liscense ticket looming over my head and I decide to check my voicemails. The first goes as follows... Hello Milton, you have TWO new voice messages... Message one, two fifty six am: :Sniff: Look Milton :Hiccup: I really don't know what to say to you right now, I know things are complicated and :Sniff: I don't want them to be like this. I just :Begin actual crying and crying induced voice: I want you in my life again, it drives me crazy every day I can't talk to you, I just I want my best friend back :Long Pause: I know I've been pretty fucked up recently and I'm sorry, I know thats why you're avoiding me, and I can't explain it all right now, I just wanted so bad for us to talk tonight like we used to before, you know, before everything fell apart.... I, I love you as your friend, please call me back okay... bye Message two, three fourteen am: Yo nigga (hes white as can be by the way) leave my girl the fuck alone if you know whats good for you. If I ever see you around here again I'ma fuck you up for real, this is my cell number, lose it. Bitch... So I being the rational and mature person that I am, dial the number right back, of course crackhead oner answers. The conversation is this: Him:Yo Me: Yo Him: Who's this. Me: This is Milton, I just got your message, that was cute. Him: I thought I told you to lose the number, faggot. Me: You don't tell me shit, you're a fuck up crackhead, I'm a grown ass man you don't command shit to me. I just wanted to let you know I got more friends in your city than you do. So since you wanna make threats watch your shit, lock your door, don't stay out too late. Him: Shut the fuck up, you don't know shit. Me: You should be trying to check your bird, not trying to check me, watch yourself... Good day. Phone calls were made to said house full of friends who just happen to be pretty well connected since they've been pushing for a few years. I let them know just to give dude a hard time until they hear from me, they are more than happy to oblige and ask if they should beat his ass right away or wait. I encourage them to wait a while and see what happens but to make sure he knows whats up. They asked who he was, because I didn't get into detail the night before so I tell them. As it turns out he gets his blow from some dude that my boy is good friends with and is now cut off, and he has class with some other dude my boy knows, small town I guess, whatever. This is going to be fun I bet. So I call the police station in the town to see when I have to go to court. Somehow, I don't really understand why at this point, but the officer who gave me a ticket happened to screw up all his paperwork last night and so they have no record of me getting a ticket at all. In fact they said that chances are I will never hear another word about the ticket, but that they will contact me if they find anything out. I go to sleep. Jagermeister girl comes to my house this morning around 11 we begin to talk. She pushes the relationship thing hard, telling me shes never been with a guy who wasn't her "boyfriend" at the time. And that she feels guilty about the other night but wants to be with me a lot and wants to take things to the next level. I assure her that I'm not in the position in life to be anybody's boyfriend right now, and that as much as I like her as a person I don't want to complicate things. She sort of agrees that as long as I'm not sleeping with anybody then she guesses thats close enough to a boyfriend. I try to get some, she promptly leaves. I am typing at 12oz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boring Bastard Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by Milton Things actually sort of came to a head today so I guess I will finish up instead of holding the Brazilian Soap opera fans in suspense any longer. So I'm home, its afternoon, I'm dead tired/hungover and basically feel like shit. I ripped my favorite jacket, I got none there is still a huge wreckless driving/ we might suspend your liscense ticket looming over my head and I decide to check my voicemails. The first goes as follows... Hello Milton, you have TWO new voice messages... Message one, two fifty six am: :Sniff: Look Milton :Hiccup: I really don't know what to say to you right now, I know things are complicated and :Sniff: I don't want them to be like this. I just :Begin actual crying and crying induced voice: I want you in my life again, it drives me crazy every day I can't talk to you, I just I want my best friend back :Long Pause: I know I've been pretty fucked up recently and I'm sorry, I know thats why you're avoiding me, and I can't explain it all right now, I just wanted so bad for us to talk tonight like we used to before, you know, before everything fell apart.... I, I love you as your friend, please call me back okay... bye Message two, three fourteen am: Yo nigga (hes white as can be by the way) leave my girl the fuck alone if you know whats good for you. If I ever see you around here again I'ma fuck you up for real, this is my cell number, lose it. Bitch... So I being the rational and mature person that I am, dial the number right back, of course crackhead oner answers. The conversation is this: Him:Yo Me: Yo Him: Who's this. Me: This is Milton, I just got your message, that was cute. Him: I thought I told you to lose the number, faggot. Me: You don't tell me shit, you're a fuck up crackhead, I'm a grown ass man you don't command shit to me. I just wanted to let you know I got more friends in your city than you do. So since you wanna make threats watch your shit, lock your door, don't stay out too late. Him: Shut the fuck up, you don't know shit. Me: You should be trying to check your bird, not trying to check me, watch yourself... Good day. Phone calls were made to said house full of friends who just happen to be pretty well connected since they've been pushing for a few years. I let them know just to give dude a hard time until they hear from me, they are more than happy to oblige and ask if they should beat his ass right away or wait. I encourage them to wait a while and see what happens but to make sure he knows whats up. They asked who he was, because I didn't get into detail the night before so I tell them. As it turns out he gets his blow from some dude that my boy is good friends with and is now cut off, and he has class with some other dude my boy knows, small town I guess, whatever. This is going to be fun I bet. So I call the police station in the town to see when I have to go to court. Somehow, I don't really understand why at this point, but the officer who gave me a ticket happened to screw up all his paperwork last night and so they have no record of me getting a ticket at all. In fact they said that chances are I will never hear another word about the ticket, but that they will contact me if they find anything out. I go to sleep. Jagermeister girl comes to my house this morning around 11 we begin to talk. She pushes the relationship thing hard, telling me shes never been with a guy who wasn't her "boyfriend" at the time. And that she feels guilty about the other night but wants to be with me a lot and wants to take things to the next level. I assure her that I'm not in the position in life to be anybody's boyfriend right now, and that as much as I like her as a person I don't want to complicate things. She sort of agrees that as long as I'm not sleeping with anybody then she guesses thats close enough to a boyfriend. I try to get some, she promptly leaves. I am typing at 12oz. You don't have to go to work through any of this? WTF? I'm so confused.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 No, the ticket is missing. The crack head is getting dealt with. Basehead bitch is getting ignored. Theres nothing else to deal with... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boring Bastard Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by Milton No, the ticket is missing. The crack head is getting dealt with. Basehead bitch is getting ignored. Theres nothing else to deal with... So you just get to kick back with your feet up and watch the Q-13 movie of the day? Lucky Bastard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASH.UGT Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 it would be nice if you ended up with Jagermeister girl. as for the crack head, i think hes bit of a paranoid gimp. please keep these chapters coming. :king: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by Milton I try to get some, she promptly leaves. I am typing at 12oz. Ok, you know how everyone sais, i'd hit that or wonk or shit like that?..this is some official 12oz stuff right there..everydecent story must end like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PalestineOne Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 milton bradley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerCityRebel Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Milton we must have updates on when the crackhead gets his head beat in.Any little info would be greatly appricated(don't know if i spelled that right).Also hopefully your ticket will never show up again..:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 Here are the pictures you requested (As close as I could come): Jagermeister girl: http://www.fbi.lv/gallery/albums/reklamas_rimas/Jagermeister_apbrendoti.sized.jpg'> My boy: http://www.chrismore.com/graphics/funny_pictures_from_work_091602/images/darren_cheech.jpg'> His bird: http://touring.edgingtons.com/MISAWA/23jul01/tokyo/Dscn2561.jpg'> The crackhead: http://www.comedycentral.com/gallery/chappellesshow/images/dogfood_big.jpg'> Ex-bird: I'm too mature to find a funny picture of a crackead homeless broad and that would make me look bad anyway... Vicky the Virgin: http://www.lovefifi.com/images/costumes-promos/costume-school-girl.jpg'> Court: http://judgemathistv.warnerbros.com/images/m_logo.jpg'> Sorry no anal sex pictures, they would have been edited anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodney Trotter Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Ha ha Keep us posted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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