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mental invalid

i need a good joke, whatta got for me?!

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okay i know there are some funny peeps on here...

 

 

the lady needs a good joke for her speech class...

 

 

ofcourse my mind is blank...

 

 

know any??

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offensive.

 

3 men are standing by the side of a cliff, a priest a rabbi and a misionary.

 

suddenly a schoolbus full of kids careens by and goes off the cliff..

 

the missionary exclaims "we have to save the children!"

 

the rabbi says "ehh, fuck 'em"

 

the priest says "but there's no time!"

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^:lol: What's the difference between sex and anal sex?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak...

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... it's long i always fuck it up..

 

 

3 dudes are at the entrance to heaven, st.pete wants to know how they died before he'll let them in..

 

 

first dude says "i came home from work one day and heard noises, when i went inside, the bedroom was a mess and my wife was naked, something was definitely up!! i searched around, when i looked out of my balcony, i saw a man running..i got so angry, i had a rush of adrenalin and picked up my fridge and chucked it at the guy..it hit him, but the throw was so difficult, it gave me a heart attack and i died.

 

2nd dude says "i was outside jogging, when suddenly i saw this man heave a gigantic refrigerator at me!! what the hell?? it hit me and killed me."

 

3rd dude says "well, i have to be honest, i screwed up, i was messing with this guy's wife, but he came home, and i had to hide real quick, so i picked the only place available: a refrigerator....."

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Why don't roosters have hands?

Cause chickens don't have tits.

 

 

 

A bunch of cowboys are out branding cattle.

While they're away, the half Samoan athsmatic

cook sees a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it's

that night's dinner he kills the it and cooks it up.

After dinner they all compliment him and ask

him where he got the meat. He explains that

he found it tied to that post. Suddenly they all

seem uptight and ignore him. He pulls one

aside and asks "What's wrong? Did I fuck up

the cooking?"

"No" responds the cowboy. "You cooked up the fucking."

 

 

 

Bwah.. those are the only ones I've heard lately.

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Guest im not witty

im afraid your not gonna get any class-ready jokes here. ive got one, but its worse than all of these so far.

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Originally posted by Spike

Totally tasteless

 

 

Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?

A: Cancer.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

i hate myself for finding this funny...

 

 

 

 

Why did Helen Geller's dog kill himself ?

-> Wouldn't you if you were called Mgghmfffghhh ?

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Oh, shit, in between me hitting New Reply and submitting it, I suddenly realised you wanted taste.

 

Is there such a thing as a tasteful joke?

 

Q: What's the best thing about fucking twentyeight-year olds?

A: There's twenty of them.

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Guest WebsterUno
Originally posted by mental invalid

though those may be funny...

 

 

im looking for something a little more tasteful....

 

i mean it is for class...

 

 

but thanks still..

 

I edited mine...tee hee

I know another good one...

but I dont want to fuck it up

and not tell it right...ya know.

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two muffins are in an oven, one says "damn it's hot in here!" the other one says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

 

 

Hold a dollar with your chin and neck and ask everyone in the room who you are.

 

your answer: Christopher Reeves at a titty bar!!

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Well, you can always claim you're a surrealist...

 

 

Q: What's the difference between a duck?

A: One of it's legs is longer.

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Guest

DUDE: I have the winner!

 

(fill in the blank with your target audience)

ie : teachers, economists, lawyers, writers etc. for the personal touch

 

 

So they say that there's 3 kinds of ______ in the world,

the ones that can count and the ones that cant.

 

 

got that? It can make the suits laugh the starch right off their collars.

plus you get to see all the people who can think in abstract terms look confused.

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So they say that there's 3 kinds of ______ in the world,

the ones that can count and the ones that cant.

 

 

 

 

so what about the 3rd kind???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

kidding......

 

 

 

im looking for less of an ice breaker opening and more of just a straight up, three guys walk into a diner type ish...

 

 

i know you got more!

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Guest

< reaches for spike with the red cane >

 

 

The CEO of a large company was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. A few days later when the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

 

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

 

The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

 

 

BA DUM CHING

 

dont forget to tip your waitress!

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Comedy Central Rip Off

 

A priest, rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar...

 

 

And that was just the first guy.. :o

 

 

I feel like an asshole for laughing at the dumb, deaf, and blind joke...but it was too much to resist..

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Guest im not witty

ok so 2 bums are walking down some train tracks. 1st bum goes, "this is my favorite spot on these tracks, one time i was walking through here and found a case of beer right here! i took it back to my shack and got wasted. other bums says 'awesome'.

they walk a little more, then the 2nd bum says 'this is MY favorite spot on these tracks, last week i was walking here and i found this woman, i took her back under the bridge and fucked her.

1st bum says 'awesome! did you get a blowjob?"

.."nah, i couldnt find her head"

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