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amotivational syndrome

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i've basically just lost any motivation to do anything lately. i used to be an exceptional student, productive, etc. etc. now it's really a battle just to get out of bed in the morning. even stuff i used to LOVE i've basically given up (i don't even feel like partying! this is crazy!) i am dead broke but have no motivation to get a job. i've resorted to digging around looking for change just so i can buy a 25 cent cigarette down the street and then walking arounf the projects all day until about midnight. i'm on the verge of losing my scholarship/flunking out and have basically no social life anymore, which is crazy cos i used to be known as mr. socialite party animal. i ralize the damage i am doing here, but i basically just don't have the energy/resolve to fix it. and i can't attribute this to anything like drugs; i only smoke like 3 times a month. anybody else been through this before?? how'd you get back on track??

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^^ i kinof agree. i basically wouldn't mind just being a homeless wanderer. or dying for that matter. i'm only 18 but i feel really old/tired and like i have lived a long and full life and should be going soon. i've always had this idea that i was going to die young. for some reason i absolutely cannot imagine myself as being any older than 30.

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that's really interesting man, you wouldn't believe how common that is.

I'll share my little experience with a similar thing. It's not the same as what you're going through, but my end result might still help you out in some way.

I used to be pretty energetic - bboying, going out with mates constantly, and generally filling my life up with a lot of stuff. At the end of last year I was all keen for shit. I was like "i'm gonna kill it, i'm so ready for everything". I felt healthy, energetic, intelligent, responsible, and ready to take control of my life after havingbeen through quite a few years of bullshit. Basically i felt I could conquer the world and there was no stopping me. I had plans and I felt I was ready to go through with them all.

At the start of this year a lot of things changed. I went to university, started a new relationship with a girl which turned out to be very stressful, met a lot of new people, made new friends and generally went through a whole lot of changes in my life. My home life has never been that great, always a lot of emotional stress going on, and this year it only got worse. I was getting up in the morning about 2-3 hours earlier than i was used to so i could make the trip to uni. Problem was I was still staying up till early in the morning, and getting bugger-all sleep.

I stopped any sort of drug-related activity a long time ago, so that wasn't an issue. But in general, i was still abusing myself. Not enough sleep, a poor diet, work, study, friends, relationships, family. . .it all just got to be a huge load and i fell in a heap. I started getting sick all the time, had no motivation for anything, and even though I tried top do things i just always felt shit.

I only woke up to what was wrong with me around July/August. I was basically loading myself up and wasn't prepared to take care of it all.

I got mega sick a couple of times and felt like i was loosing my minds. My memory went to shit, i thought i was going mental. I was scared as fuck, cos my bro has suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for abvout 6 years now, and i was scared of ending up like him.

So I made some changes, I got things back into order. I cut out all unnecessary things in my life. I quit going out 3 nights every weekend. I chilled out, took some time-out from everything and everyone that I could. I realised I didn't have to keep up appearances with people - if my mates were really my mates, then they would still be there for me in a few weeks time when i was ready to get social again.

I started eating better, sleeping more, not going out on weekends, not burdening myself with the problems of other people close to me. Basically I had to say to myself "I am the most important thing to me. Whatever I do, I have to do what is best for ME. Nothing else matters." It sounds selfish, but it's the truth of all our situations. We are in no position to deal with anyone else if we can't even look out for ourselves. I effectively cut out everything in my life that wasn't important to my immediate, basic future and survival. I took a break from work, dropped two subjects at uni that were an unnecessary burden, broke up with a girl who was giving me a whole lot of trouble and bullshit, and basically got my life back into order.

I'm still doing it now, still moving forward, and have nearly accomplished a bunch of things that i set out to do when i realised how run-down I was. Anyone and everyone has the will and power to change their own lifestyles for the better. If you can look at how you are living and say "I want to be better, I want to be able to achieve the things i set out to do" then you are a step ahead.

If you don't have goals that you want to acheive and don't feel motivated enough to succeed in them anyway, then i'll give you them. Your goal is to survive. To wake up and get your brain working again. To do the things which will make you get better.

Now here is your motivation - you will do these things because if you dont, then you will lose yourself. You will fall and not get up, and that is a hopeless state to be in. You know you have better things to live for than where you are at now, so do something about it man. You should be worth more to yourself than this.

I didn't pull out of my run-down state immediately after making these decisions. It's been hard work and i'm still a bit messed up. But just being able to think a bit straighter again is a massive motivation to keep going with what i'm doing.


I can't know for sure if this has any relevance to you or your situation bro, but i really hope it does, and I hope you can find some reason to improve your lifestyle again. You're heading in the right direction already, because you say you actually WANT to get back on track. So don't wallow in it, don't pity yourself, just get the fuck up and DO IT. You deserve better for yourself, everyone does, and the only way to achieve this is to get up and go get it for yourself.

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cam you obrought up some good points. lately i ahve been trying to eliminate unnecessary shit from my life until i get back on track. i just dropped a class that was fucking me, stopped going out, no mind-altering substances, more rest, etc. hopefully i can get back on track quick.

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oh and cam, can you give me some details on how your brother's chronic fatigue came about?? for the past 6 months or so i've kinda suspected that my situation is rooted in some kind of health issue.

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no worries man, i'll try to give you the info I can.

My bro is two years older than me. He always used to be really academic and active and hard-working. Played heaps of sport and kicked arse at school. He was one of those people that tended to be good at whatever he tried his hand at.

Anyway, back when he was in early highschool my whole family got mad sick with influenza and him and i both went to hospital. I got better pretty much straight away but he was a bit worse-off. Anyway, after that he sorta just went downhill. Most of the influenza symptoms wore off, but he was always really run-down and shit. We found out years later that it was because of a strain of a disease similar to glandular fever that he somehow contracted after being in hospital.

After this bout of ill-health he simply never got better. Always really run-down, he couldn't get out of bed, exercise in the least, like walking up stairs and shit killed him. He couldn't think straight, couldn't concentrate on any sort of study, couldn't go out and shit. After literally dozens and dozens of doctors truied to tell him he was "depressed" or "being bullied at school" or "taking drugs" or just a mental case, a specialist diagnosed him with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

It's really messed him about but the good thing is he is getting better now, about 6 years later. He's even been going out on the very rare occasion and he's all into music and stuff, got some turntables and learning to mix. But that's pretty hard work for him still.

So that's a very brief history of what he's been through. It's all very complicated, but right now he is going to a specialist and a physio who are working on separate problems he has with blood circulation, nervous system problems etc. that all seem to have come about because of this bullshit diease he's dealing with.


Now I know it would be nice to know what's wrong, to just have a name for what's wrong with you, but the key here is to keep an open mind and not jump to any conclusions. You gotta exhaust all options before believing you have a diagnosable illness. One thing I have found in my life lately is that my mental attitude, and my state of emotions and mind have a SERIOUS bearing on my physical well-being and health. So never be all "I'm like this cos I'm sick" because then sure as fuck you will be sick and it's down-hill from there. Someone's state of mind can make or break their physical selves.


But, if you are seriously worried about the CFS stuff, then you have to remember a few things. GET AS MANY OPINIONS AS YOU CAN. I can't stress this enough. Some doctors will just be arseholes to you, some will just jump to the conclusion of CFS, simply because they are lazy and not as well-educated as all their pieces of paper in frames say. And try not to mention things like CFS to them - let the doctor come to their own decision.

Not all doctors are cool about it. Some will call you mental and some will try to get you to do things like progressive exercise programs which are basically just a way of them saying "we think you are just some depressed crazy bastard so we're going to beat it out of you physically". When you are feeling down and exposed like that, there is nothing worse than people trying to put shit over you, so keep your head about yourself and get as many opinions on the matter as you can.


I believe these conditions are PREVENTABLE. If you go the way you are going, trying to sort things out and not giving into whatever is happening with you, then you are doing things right. Don't try to do too much. . .including things like exercise and emotional dealings. Sure, a little exercise is good, but over-exerting yourself is something you don't need. Another point - don't be scared. You are more than capable of pulling yourself out of whatever you feel you are falling into, so KNOW that fact, and know that you are powerful enoug to determine what happens to you.

Your emotions, state-of mind and attitude are always half-the cause of anything.

Keep an open-mind and a positive, determined attitude, and I know you will knock over whatever it is that is affecting you.

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