mapo returns Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 so im at eckerds buying a sobe drink and a pack of newports. i notice the cash register lady is named olga. for real. some 50 year old woman gets behind me in line buying halloween candy. she is dressed like a cat, with her costume showing off her huge, obviously fake tits, and sun-drenched body. the the following ensues.. me - 'do you have razor blades?' olga - 'yeah theyre over there....blah blah' me - 'im gonna put them in the halloween candy' olgas' jaw literally drops without even a hint of a smile. me - 'i was only joking..' catwoman - 'thats not even something to joke about' me - 'yeah it is!' another recent one was when i went to the mall and at a calendar kiosk was some redhead girl sitting down. i asked her if she had any 'columbine calendars'. she just shook her head no, emotionless. then i said 'that was a joke'. then she shook her head yes, emotionless. i think she was a robot. anyone got some similar stories of when someone didnt get the joke? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatbastard Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 this lady who worked at this store was selling some ribbons to help people with mental illness and i go to her "i used to be a schitzophrenic, but we're ok now" they looked at me puzzled. needless to say i didnt buy her stupid ribbon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamblersGrin Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 on some website a while ago i seen this dope t-shirt that was the "classroom shooting tour" or something to that effect. it was like a bands tour shirt. on the back it had listed all the school shootings across the u.s. of a. and listed the date, city of shooting, and how many dead and/or wounded. such a great idea for a shirt it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i11igul Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Originally posted by GamblersGrin on some website a while ago i seen this dope t-shirt that was the "classroom shooting tour" or something to that effect. it was like a bands tour shirt. on the back it had listed all the school shootings across the u.s. of a. and listed the date, city of shooting, and how many dead and/or wounded. such a great idea for a shirt it is. ohhhhh, ouch, thats low, please beleeeive id cop 2 or 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telo Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 LMFAO... i went to a local party store and asked if they had any Shells.. i was like.. "do yuou have any bullets? im trying to snipe your customers before they walk in".. he got real weirded out and i told him it was a joke.. he threw my change at me and told me to leave.. ahhh good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mapo returns Posted November 1, 2003 Author Share Posted November 1, 2003 haha i actually liked that shirt so much i remembered it too, coincidentally. it was at tshirthell.com i thought of another one i was at wal mart and the lady asked me if i wanted to spend $5 for some charity for cancer kids. i told her, 'i hate kids'. all the people in line liked that one though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old*824 Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 thats funny mapo. watch out though, under the patriot act they could prolly classify you as a terrorist and incarcerate you with no trial indefinitley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overtime Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 a friend of mine was working at stein mart, and there when you pay with a credit card, they need 2 forms of id. this lady was giving my friend "guff", and was all "why do you need to see 2 damn form of id's??" my friend said "its cuz you are black" meanin it as a joke, but she got written up anyway there are 2 eckerds in my town, and i work as a pharm. tech. at one, and i went to work up the street one day, and i went up front to purchase a beverage, well, i put my drink on the counter and i said "remember im an employee" her: "can i see your id" i look, dumbstruck, thinking this is a joke, well, as it turns out, she was being dead serious, and although i was wearing the eckerd outfit and my name tag and what not, she really did want to see my employee card. after putting my story on paper, and reading yours, i think that olga and barbara are sisters or cousins. retards are everywhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milton Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 I get this shit too much, I always say shit from movies, and then if the person doesn't laugh so I assume they haven't seen it, but 9 times out of 10 they have. For instance: Some chick: You're funny Me: Funny how? Funny like a clown, like I'm here to entertain you. Her: Looks all hurt, no no I mean, I just.. Me: I was kidding, have you seen Goodfellas? Her: Ya I love that movie. Me: Oh ya me too. Girl I know calls me to ask me to buy calenders or cookies or something from her brother/sister/younger sibling's school. Her: Hey, whats up? Me: Not much... Her: Do you wanna buy some Cookies/Calenders/books/wrapping paper from my sisters/brother/etc.'s school. Me: I'm not interested. Her: Thanks anyway, so whats new with you? Me: You call that a sales call? You are trying to sell me something... blah blah blah, the whole telemarketer scene from Boiler Room. Her: Well okay, um lets see, they're really good stuff and it helps support the school... Me: No no no, it was a joke from Boiler Room, have you seen it? Her: Ohhh ya, with Vin Diesel right, I've seen it a few times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamblersGrin Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 if i worked closed to pharmaceuticals i'd be like how i am now, on valiums and vodka/cranberry. edit that...the perc's (percocets) of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overtime Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Originally posted by GamblersGrin if i worked closed to pharmaceuticals i'd be like how i am now, on valiums and vodka/cranberry. edit that...the perc's (percocets) of life. you killin them diazepams? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamblersGrin Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 but what i hate is i take 2 two days ago, try to clear me body out, take 2 tonite and am almost there. ive one left but its almost throwin it away at his point. damn tolerances keepin a man down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 I screamed "fire" in a crowded theater once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overtime Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Originally posted by LENS I screamed "fire" in a crowded theater once. haha, you know that is illegal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
»§ÜGÅR« Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 you're all going to hell. good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaolinmasta Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Originally posted by E MARTYR the other day at hobby lobby i was coppin a can, and this little mexican mami asked to see ID and i pulled it out, and after she stared at it awhile i was like, "its cuz im white right... ugh huh"... and she like went off rambling about how it wasnt even like that bla bla bla... i was like damn bitch i was just playing... holla. do you know how you can tell when tease starts talking shit???!!!?!? the post consists of the following: mexican mami's tryhard wiggerish speech such as "damn bitch i was playing..." and explaining that he isn white to someoneone usually a mexican hunni Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 yo tease, when a bitch be talkin shit 2 you u just gotta flex your nuts and shit a little, u kno what i sayin nigger ? sheeeit :lol: :lol: :king: :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerryCurl Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 I was buying liquor at the store, and when the guy asked me if I wanted a bag I said: "Nope. I got one'a them at home, and all She does is drink and watch Oprah." He didn't get it but maybe you will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest keep Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 me and a few friends were having a few, well alot, of beers at hudsons one night and were talking shots, i got a round of abortions. we started joking about abortions and then it progressed to putting babys in blenders, and so on... then i look back and theres a group of about 6 or so older women staring at our table in horror. sooo we turned it up alot and got really fucked up with the conversation. they left really quickly, one of them walked over and says "you guys are fucking discusting" and threw a drink in my friends face. it was great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dazzle Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 I was in a liquor store the other night, and they were playing Hindu music. And I remarked "man, Indian music is so stupid", as one of the workers was not 5 feet away from me. They just did not get it...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phism Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 most of the shit i say is half joking and trying to be an asshole, especially in class, and i think everyone just hates me. it's cool. i've started to just tell everyone i'm always right, because it's not like that changes whether or not they agree with me, and it's not like i believe it. so i can just tell everyone they're wrong, and whether or not they listen to me perhaps shows character? i don't know, i really don't know my motivation for my behavior, i'm just a dick these days maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 ok, i do it alot. especially when i have been on 12oz all night, and i haven't had much to eat. ok, i thought of a good one. this one time, like 9 or 10 months ago i was in line at the store to pay for some food, and i had been stoned earlier in the day. this lady in front of me was talking about her traveler's checks having been to england and back several times. so i said "aanglund", trying to sound english. she just said yes, but the cashier looked at me weird. i laughed quietly to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Originally posted by mapo returns anyone got some similar stories of when someone didnt make the joke? millions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Æ° Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/...s/a267/a267.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 When I was in 7th grade, there was this kid a few years older with cerebral palsy in my school, with one of those motorized scooters. Smart guy, but all sorts of fucked up bodywise. Well one day during lunchtime, he was sitting on his scooter next to the basketball court looking all forlorn cause he couldn't play like the other kids. I then grabbed a basketball, stood next to him, and started doing all sorts of energetic dribbling tricks, while saying "DUDE, PLAYING BASKETBALL IS SO AWESOME!!! LOOK AT ALL THE FUN THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU CAN PLAY BASKETBALL!!!" Nobody really got what the hell I was doing, and I'm pretty glad they didn't cause I probably would've gotten my ass beat. Hahahaha, such a dick thing to do... thankfully I grew out of that phase. Sort of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 on the dick tip> also when i was in grade 7, me and my buddy patch(patrick)would stand at our bus stop waiting for the school bus every morning. in the winter the bus would pull around the corner and come toward us full of kids and we'd start snowballing the front window with reckless abandon. then we'd waltz on like we owned shit, and give a 'what's up lobes?' to the bus driver(we called him 'lobes' cuz he had magnificently large earlobes)and take our seats by this one kid that we picked on DAILY. since he sat near the front, this also provided a logistical attack point to spit at the back of 'lobes' head. which we did quite frequently when picking on the kid got boring. this went on for the whole winter, with many of the grade 8 kids(at the back of the bus)yelling at us to stop picking on lobes and the kid. later our beloved lobes left his position, probably from the duress we put him under, and we got a new bus driver that was too disgusting to fuck with. his name was earl, and earl had the most fucked up scalp you'd never want to see. like the crown of this motherfuckers head was super red, and then the outer edge was encroached on with a circular plate of extremely thick, but insanely dry skin 'plates'. this dude had the most bad ass scalp problem i think that has ever occured in humanity. anyhow..we didn't fuck with him, he was noticabley on the edge. as far as the kid we picked on, that stopped too when one day my buddy patch pulled out his swiss army knife and we sliced off the little steel jacket emblem that was on the front of his winter jacket. there was a big fuss over that and we both almost got suspended. thankfully after that the supreme dickness halted on my part. patch kept on being a dick, and later turned into a super tough guy that was still down with me, which was handy for ridiculous high school parties when thing got out of hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 as far as jokes, i pretty much resigned myself to the fact most people, other than my immediate family, girlfriend, and bros, don't ever catch my jokes, primarily becuz they are only funny to me, and created with this default built in. i'm also one for jokes that are really really dry/unfunny on purpose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KILROE Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 I remember freshman year...it was the last week of school and me and my best friend and this guy that we called Gimp (dont ask) we siting out in front of school laughing our asses off about something(probably high) and some little 6th grader walks by and my friend and gimp walk up to him laughing with big smiles saying give us your bike! and gimp wips out a knife laughing.....gimp and my friend walk away with no real intention in acctually taking the bike (they did that kind of shit all the time so we didnt think anything of it) later gimp got expelled for threating someone with a knife. expelled in the last week of school! how can they do that! I guess that kid didnt get the joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.yuck Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 Originally posted by GamblersGrin on some website a while ago i seen this dope t-shirt that was the "classroom shooting tour" or something to that effect. it was like a bands tour shirt. on the back it had listed all the school shootings across the u.s. of a. and listed the date, city of shooting, and how many dead and/or wounded. such a great idea for a shirt it is. here you go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamblersGrin Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 ahh...nothing says america like kids killing kids and putting it on a tshirt...17 bucks of mine are spent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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