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mapo returns

i was just joking..

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so im at eckerds buying a sobe drink and a pack of newports. i notice the cash register lady is named olga. for real.

some 50 year old woman gets behind me in line buying halloween candy.

she is dressed like a cat, with her costume showing off her huge, obviously fake tits, and sun-drenched body. the the following ensues..

 

me - 'do you have razor blades?'

olga - 'yeah theyre over there....blah blah'

me - 'im gonna put them in the halloween candy'

 

olgas' jaw literally drops without even a hint of a smile.

 

me - 'i was only joking..'

catwoman - 'thats not even something to joke about'

me - 'yeah it is!'

 

another recent one was when i went to the mall and at a calendar kiosk was some redhead girl sitting down. i asked her if she had any 'columbine calendars'. she just shook her head no, emotionless.

then i said 'that was a joke'. then she shook her head yes, emotionless.

i think she was a robot.

 

anyone got some similar stories of when someone didnt get the joke?

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this lady who worked at this store was selling some ribbons to help people with mental illness and i go to her "i used to be a schitzophrenic, but we're ok now"

they looked at me puzzled. needless to say i didnt buy her stupid ribbon.

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on some website a while ago i seen this dope t-shirt that was the "classroom shooting tour" or something to that effect. it was like a bands tour shirt. on the back it had listed all the school shootings across the u.s. of a. and listed the date, city of shooting, and how many dead and/or wounded. such a great idea for a shirt it is.

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Originally posted by GamblersGrin

on some website a while ago i seen this dope t-shirt that was the "classroom shooting tour" or something to that effect. it was like a bands tour shirt. on the back it had listed all the school shootings across the u.s. of a. and listed the date, city of shooting, and how many dead and/or wounded. such a great idea for a shirt it is.

 

ohhhhh, ouch, thats low,

please beleeeive id cop 2 or 3

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LMFAO... i went to a local party store and asked if they had any Shells.. i was like.. "do yuou have any bullets? im trying to snipe your customers before they walk in".. he got real weirded out and i told him it was a joke.. he threw my change at me and told me to leave.. ahhh good times.

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haha

 

i actually liked that shirt so much i remembered it too, coincidentally. it was at tshirthell.com

 

i thought of another one

 

i was at wal mart and the lady asked me if i wanted to spend $5 for some charity for cancer kids.

i told her, 'i hate kids'. all the people in line liked that one though.

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thats funny mapo.

 

watch out though, under the patriot act they could prolly classify you as a terrorist and incarcerate you with no trial indefinitley.

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a friend of mine was working at stein mart, and there when you pay with a credit card, they need 2 forms of id.

this lady was giving my friend "guff", and was all "why do you need to see 2 damn form of id's??" my friend said "its cuz you are black" meanin it as a joke, but she got written up anyway

 

there are 2 eckerds in my town, and i work as a pharm. tech. at one, and i went to work up the street one day, and i went up front to purchase a beverage, well, i put my drink on the counter and i said "remember im an employee"

her: "can i see your id"

i look, dumbstruck, thinking this is a joke, well, as it turns out, she was being dead serious, and although i was wearing the eckerd outfit and my name tag and what not, she really did want to see my employee card.

 

after putting my story on paper, and reading yours, i think that olga and barbara are sisters or cousins. retards are everywhere

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I get this shit too much, I always say shit from movies, and then if the person doesn't laugh so I assume they haven't seen it, but 9 times out of 10 they have. For instance:

 

Some chick: You're funny

Me: Funny how? Funny like a clown, like I'm here to entertain you.

Her: Looks all hurt, no no I mean, I just..

Me: I was kidding, have you seen Goodfellas?

Her: Ya I love that movie.

Me: Oh ya me too.

 

Girl I know calls me to ask me to buy calenders or cookies or something from her brother/sister/younger sibling's school.

 

Her: Hey, whats up?

Me: Not much...

Her: Do you wanna buy some Cookies/Calenders/books/wrapping paper from my sisters/brother/etc.'s school.

Me: I'm not interested.

Her: Thanks anyway, so whats new with you?

Me: You call that a sales call? You are trying to sell me something... blah blah blah, the whole telemarketer scene from Boiler Room.

Her: Well okay, um lets see, they're really good stuff and it helps support the school...

Me: No no no, it was a joke from Boiler Room, have you seen it?

Her: Ohhh ya, with Vin Diesel right, I've seen it a few times.

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if i worked closed to pharmaceuticals i'd be like how i am now, on valiums and vodka/cranberry. edit that...the perc's (percocets) of life.

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Originally posted by GamblersGrin

if i worked closed to pharmaceuticals i'd be like how i am now, on valiums and vodka/cranberry. edit that...the perc's (percocets) of life.

 

you killin them diazepams?

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but what i hate is i take 2 two days ago, try to clear me body out, take 2 tonite and am almost there. ive one left but its almost throwin it away at his point. damn tolerances keepin a man down.

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Originally posted by LENS

I screamed "fire" in a crowded theater once.

 

haha, you know that is illegal

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Originally posted by E MARTYR

the other day at hobby lobby i was coppin a can, and this little mexican mami asked to see ID and i pulled it out, and after she stared at it awhile i was like, "its cuz im white right... ugh huh"...

 

and she like went off rambling about how it wasnt even like that bla bla bla...

 

i was like damn bitch i was just playing...

 

holla.

do you know how you can tell when tease starts talking shit???!!!?!?

 

the post consists of the following:

 

mexican mami's

tryhard wiggerish speech such as "damn bitch i was playing..."

and explaining that he isn white to someoneone usually a mexican hunni

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yo tease, when a bitch be talkin shit 2 you u just gotta flex your nuts and shit a little, u kno what i sayin nigger ? sheeeit

 

:lol: :lol: :king: :D

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I was buying liquor at the store, and when the guy asked me if I wanted a bag I said:

 

 

"Nope. I got one'a them at home, and all She does is drink and watch Oprah."

 

 

He didn't get it but maybe you will.

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Guest keep

me and a few friends were having a few, well alot, of beers at hudsons one night and were talking shots, i got a round of abortions. we started joking about abortions and then it progressed to putting babys in blenders, and so on... then i look back and theres a group of about 6 or so older women staring at our table in horror. sooo we turned it up alot and got really fucked up with the conversation. they left really quickly, one of them walked over and says "you guys are fucking discusting" and threw a drink in my friends face. it was great

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I was in a liquor store the other night, and they were playing Hindu music. And I remarked "man, Indian music is so stupid", as one of the workers was not 5 feet away from me.

 

They just did not get it......

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most of the shit i say is half joking and trying to be an asshole, especially in class, and i think everyone just hates me. it's cool.

 

i've started to just tell everyone i'm always right, because it's not like that changes whether or not they agree with me, and it's not like i believe it. so i can just tell everyone they're wrong, and whether or not they listen to me perhaps shows character? i don't know, i really don't know my motivation for my behavior, i'm just a dick these days maybe.

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ok, i do it alot. especially when i have been on 12oz all night, and i haven't had much to eat. ok, i thought of a good one. this one time, like 9 or 10 months ago i was in line at the store to pay for some food, and i had been stoned earlier in the day. this lady in front of me was talking about her traveler's checks having been to england and back several times. so i said "aanglund", trying to sound english. she just said yes, but the cashier looked at me weird. i laughed quietly to myself.

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Guest imported_Tesseract
Originally posted by mapo returns

 

anyone got some similar stories of when someone didnt make the joke?

 

millions

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

When I was in 7th grade, there was this kid a few years older with cerebral palsy in my school, with one of those motorized scooters. Smart guy, but all sorts of fucked up bodywise.

 

Well one day during lunchtime, he was sitting on his scooter next to the basketball court looking all forlorn cause he couldn't play like the other kids. I then grabbed a basketball, stood next to him, and started doing all sorts of energetic dribbling tricks, while saying "DUDE, PLAYING BASKETBALL IS SO AWESOME!!! LOOK AT ALL THE FUN THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU CAN PLAY BASKETBALL!!!"

 

Nobody really got what the hell I was doing, and I'm pretty glad they didn't cause I probably would've gotten my ass beat. Hahahaha, such a dick thing to do... thankfully I grew out of that phase. Sort of.

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