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BOZACK

why i hate my roommate

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post your shitty roommate stories here.

 

i am convinced that my roommate (some random guy my school paired me with) is the biggest jackass at this university. allow me to list the reasons...

 

1. the guy is a fat meathead trying to be a fucking actor. i hear he used to play football but he sucked real bad and gave it up to (brace yourself) pursue a career as a broadway actor (can you say undercover fag). he also used to enter bodybuilding competitions in high school (how i do not know since he's a fat fuck). i'm talking body oil and thongs here. wait i'll be back i have to throw up real quick...

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huh, i was just bitching about my roomates the other night. Noiseaddicts. ILoveBoxCars knows all about the best way for dealing with noiseaddicts but he won't tell me how i can learn a good culling song damnit.

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1. used to live with a german guy in dublin. dude used to go to the toilet about 15 times a day (i shit you not). i have no idea what was wrong with him. he also used to wear leather pants.

 

2. also used to live with a polish couple. yes, polacks are the stupidest people on earth. way, way stupid. the guy (his name was karol. yes, karol) was fresh outta the army after 6 years, and had no idea how to be a civilian. he was a lost cause. complete moron who dressed in fatigues 24/7 (about 10 years after it went out of fashion)

 

3. lived with a couple in melbourne who were the biggest slobs ever. the guy was just a fat lump. one of those dudes that was the cool sporty guy at school and gave shit to "nerds". well, as is every nerd's dream, he turned into nothing. his girlfriend was supposedly studying law (she was dumb as dog shit) but all she did all day was sit in front of the computer chain smoking cigarettes. turns out after a couple of months (while i was listening in on a conversation they were having with a bank manager) that she was a fucking stripper. she was horrible and i can't imagine she made a dime while she was doing it.

 

and the list goes on......

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my roomate drinks every damn night, i dont drink, he smokes all the time, rolls blunts and what not not 5 feet from me and shit. He has like 10 people in our room when i am tryin to sleep, like till 5 am.

 

the other night i came back from rollin (skating) and he had thrown up on my half of the room, and i couldnt wake him up to clean it up, so i had to sleep next door.

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Originally posted by Mr. ABC

 

 

3. lived with a couple in melbourne who were the biggest slobs ever. the guy was just a fat lump. one of those dudes that was the cool sporty guy at school and gave shit to "nerds". well, as is every nerd's dream, he turned into nothing. his girlfriend was supposedly studying law (she was dumb as dog shit) but all she did all day was sit in front of the computer chain smoking cigarettes. turns out after a couple of months (while i was listening in on a conversation they were having with a bank manager) that she was a fucking stripper. she was horrible and i can't imagine she made a dime while she was doing it.

 

and the list goes on...... [/b]

 

Wow, suddenly my life doesn't seem so bad anymore....ha ha ha

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ok i am feeling better

 

reason #2

 

"Projectile Vomit"

 

one night my roommate decided to go to this frat party at like 7:30 cos everybody at this school likes to go out at 8 and come back at like 11 (ugh). all the booze at this party was really watered-down bright red jungle juice. well at about 10pm this my roommate stumbles in the room TRASHED (he said he had 5 cups of jj and he weighs like 220...what the fuck he should not be this drunk)

 

so i try to get him to sleep in the bottom bunk (usu. mine) so he doesn't fall off the top one & die. he says "i'm fine bleh bleh bleh" as he nearly falls over. i tell him "ok just dont fall out or throw up" to which he replies "dude i'm not a pussy like you" even tho i weigh about 100 and have a higher tolerance than him...

 

2:00am

i hear "THUD!!!" just what i predicted the jerk fell out of the top bunk and started fucking puking all over MY SHIT.

-my rug

-my desk

-4 banana republic dress shirts

-about 150 cds of mine

-my printer

 

the next day he did not even apologize even though he took it upon himself to throw away my rug and printer, neither of which he has replaced.

 

can't beat that.

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Guest

My roomate thought China was a democracy run by the Brits

untill just recently when they went back to Communism.

 

I was like "You're thinking of Hong Kong."

 

I have learned to never talk about politics around the house.

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reason #3

 

"I guess smoking is cool"

 

my roommate really tries hard to put on a show.

once this chick was in our room and my roommate was talking to her about smoking bud. he said he had tried it once and hated it because "it gave me the spins." DUH. well i guess he forgot that i was present during the conversation he had w/this girl cos one time i went to smoke in the park w/a friend and he wants in on the action. i say, feigning ignorance, "why doug, i didn't know you smoked." to this he replies "YEAH! I SMOKE TOO! i mean i'm not like a big pothead or nuthin but i smoke whenever i can get my hands on stuff." i tell him no you cannot come jackass. does anyone here smell bullshit besides me?

 

also i was trying to quit smoking cigarettes and he says "yeah quitting was hard for me too." again i say "i dint know you evr smoked." he says "YEAH MAN! i used to smoke like 3/4 of a pack a day!!!" whoah buddy what a gangster you are. well then his "friend" from outta town comes to visit and tells me doug has never smoked cigarettes. what is going on here i am so confused.

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Re: ok i am feeling better

 

Originally posted by BOZACK

the next day he did not even apologize even though he took it upon himself to throw away my rug and printer, neither of which he has replaced.

 

ok, some revenge techniques:

 

1: his toothbrush needs to be nice and clean to keep his teeth clean. make sure to give it a good rinse in the toilet on the daily. preferrably after that first morning wizz.

 

2: is he a fan of mayonaise? if so, grab your favorite porno mag and get to work. i'm sure you can figure the rest out.

 

3: any type of beverage in the fridge could use a little of your bodily fluids as it adds to the flavour. be creative

 

4: got access to capsicum spray? i heard about this one from a friend. spray the lightbulb in the bathroom, and give the toilet seat a squirt while you're at it. once he tuns on the light and sits to take a crap, after about 20 seconds he will be screaming in agony, and you'll be laughing hysterically

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Once my piece of shit roomate(which ironically WAS my cousin) burned a whole in my couch. The burn was equivalent to the circumference of a toilet seat. To make a long story short,the asshole looked me dead in the eyes and said he didn't do it. Roomates could be stupid fuckin' assholes,even your family members.

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Originally posted by BADMUTHAFUKA

Once my piece of shit roomate(which ironically WAS my cousin) burned a whole in my couch. The burn was equivalent to the circumference of a toilet seat. To make a long story short,the asshole looked me dead in the eyes and said he didn't do it. Roomates could be stupid fuckin' assholes,even your family members.

 

 

i too have lived with cousins, and also strongly advise against it.

 

i still don't talk to the fuckers. xmas is going to be fun this year!

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today my roomate freaked out over a solitary pubic hair that was stuck in the shower. then he threw about 4 cups of water at it while saying "eww oh my god that is so disgusting." i finally took a tissue and picked it off, then he spent the next ten minutes spraying tilex in there... last night he was sobbing for a half hour on the phone because he's getting a D in a class.... but aside from being a bitchmade homo with a mangina, my roomate is alright.

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1.) go to his "half" of the room and take a shit in his bed. then be like "i swear it wasn't me".

 

2.) write some stupid shit on his car his car and spray some laquer(sp?) on it. he will have to get a new paint job.

 

3.) spray "fart spray" on all his clothes (while outside).

 

4.) flatten his tires.

 

:king:

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Originally posted by suicidebombr

1.) go to his "half" of the room and take a shit in his bed. then be like "i swear it wasn't me".

 

2.) write some stupid shit on his car his car and spray some laquer(sp?) on it. he will have to get a new paint job.

 

3.) spray "fart spray" on all his clothes (while outside).

 

4.) flatten his tires.

 

:king:

 

ill poop on your head

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Originally posted by boner

today my roomate freaked out over a solitary pubic hair that was stuck in the shower. then he threw about 4 cups of water at it while saying "eww oh my god that is so disgusting." i finally took a tissue and picked it off, then he spent the next ten minutes spraying tilex in there... last night he was sobbing for a half hour on the phone because he's getting a D in a class.... but aside from being a bitchmade homo with a mangina, my roomate is alright.

 

 

watch your bunghole, your roommate is gay

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