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I Got Attacked By A Girl 2 Nights Ago!


Weapon X

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i tried to kick my ex out at 2am one time, and slammed my door. i heard the doorbell ring and opened it, and she proceeds to start hitting me with her shoes. i am trying to stop her but i am laughing too hard, and i finally just hold her arms until she stops...i think we actually stayed together that night.

 

i must like em rough or something.

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i was campin in like 98 or so, and this people were 4 wheeling through our campsite, we get out of the tents and start yellling at em, they stop. get out.. it's come guy and his hoe... bith totally faded... words are exchanged.... anyway... this hoe swings at my boy, she was i her 30s or so, he dodges it and backs up (he wasn't even saying shit), and she goes after him... she chases him for about 50 yards or so (he's really fast), she gives up, and for some reason or another thinks: "well, i can't catch him, so i should take off my clothes" :eek:

so this broad takes off her dress and stars walking back all naked and shit... her husband stopped talking shit, as we were all kind of caught off guard by her... so he grabs her and they start making their way back to their truck when some shit talking starts again, anyway, this cat w/ us swings at him and lands one on his jaw, they tussle for a bit... blah blah blah...

 

and milk does smell like shit the next morning.

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Originally posted by Weapon X

Now, for the revenge…I have to plan carefully.

 

it's called epoxy. this woman got my truck impounded because she didn't like the fact that i had left it in front of her neighbor's house after it broke down on the freeway. i left a note on the dash saying that i was coming back for it with a tow truck in a couple of days to get it taken to a shop, and she called the pigs and reported it stolen. i waited a few months and came back with three tubes of epoxy. after she and her family went inside and the lights were off, i glued her front door, back door, and all the windows on the bottom floor of the house shut.

 

they came and went through the garage for a month while they got their door and window frames replaced!

 

idea #2: just post her number on craigslist or other online dating service saying she wants to do a bunch of amateur bestiality porn with a stranger, or saying she'll trade light yardwork for sexual favors. she'll have to change her number in a matter of hours, guaranteed.

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Originally posted by Swiffer Jet

what is there to plan? just get a jar, fill it up with milk and put raw chicken in it. hide it somewhere in the bushes at her house with the lid open. mMm, smells great!

 

i like this thought ... a good variation if your a smoker, save your dirty bong water in a jug and dump it someplace good. tho the milk and chicken would be rank .... how nasty is bong water on the carpet ... one drop on accident and you can smell it for days. dump a good size bottle in a car, house anywhere and whoever it is will be hurting.

 

got the thought from my demented cousin. he was saving his in med. size water bottles for a while hoping someone would upset him so he could use it. dont know if he did or not ...

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Crazy Birds...

 

During about the 7th or so time my girlfriend and I were broken up, I happened to run into these two freinds of hers at a house party. It seemed cool at first we said hello and that, but after a few beers they see my friend and me talking to some girl and decide that I shouldn't be doing that so they walk over and start yelling and cussing at me and the whole thing, telling me how I'm such an asshole and how I don't deserve their friend. And how shes better off without me. So I make the mistake of saying "I bet she is, I hope she stays that way" and both of them start screaming and trying to hit me. I held one of them off and my friend grabbed the other one, it was no good.

 

I used to have parties at my house until this girl caught her boyfriend with another girl and started beating the shit out of him, breaking 2 lamps a picture frame and kicking a hole in my front door. I stopped having parties after that...

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Dude, I am digging this thread....

 

one night my gf and i went to this club in S.F. for some Paul Frank event. Blah blah blah, boring boring until I start knocking back some Jaeger shots. It then occured to me what a fun idea it would be to tear down a Paul Frank banner as a present for my gf.

 

No sooner do i have half the thing pulled off the wall, some short lil hoe comes up and sez "Hey! You can't do that! That belongs to Paul Frank!" I said something to her along the lines of uhm, shut the hell up slut or something like that. She gets all offended and starts getting in my face demanding an apology to which I say "fuck off!" or something equally inspired.

 

She starts slapping me and i don't know what the hell to do because i'mnot going to start boxing a girl in front of hella people. Luckily, my gf who is asian and knows kung fu (Yes, I date one of life's greatest cliches' folks), sees this from the bar, comes running over and it's on.

 

My baby grabs this bitches hair, twists it up into her fist and starts clocking her on the top of the head yelling "tell him you're sorry bitch! Say it! Say it!" Each "Say it" was punctuated by a crack to the skull.

 

It ended up with the both of us getting bodily thrown from the club so we went to a liquor store and got fucked up back at my car. Okay, I asked for it, no denying that but I was soooo proud of my gf for that. She stood by her man and came through for me when i need it most.

 

edited for minor grammar n shit

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oh, I need to drop a good revenge tip too....

 

If you have pepper spray, spray it on any door handle she may come into contact with (front door, car, etc...)

 

The stuff gets on her hand...no big deal right? Well, consider how many times a day you unconciously rub your eyes, nose, mouth, etc....

All it takes is for one nosepick, one rubbing of the eyes and WHAM-O!

Liquid fire to the retina baby!

 

I know some good ways to get someone nailed for mail fraud but it's rather long and more than a little complicated.

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Originally posted by ILoveUnicrns

i wouldve pushed her in a pond..if there wasnt a pond around i wouldve dragged her to where there was one and pushed her in it...then i wouldve told her it was an accident...i know youre not supposed to hit girls but i havent seen the rule that says you cant throw them in ponds

 

hahahahaha

 

this dude tells some bullshit stories but this was good...

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Originally posted by ILoveUnicrns

i wouldve pushed her in a pond..

 

you coulda pushed her into the stagnant sewerage filled pond that your friend with posaris(?) was already half submerged in while he anally plundered a 10yr down syndrome chick....

 

:huh?:

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When I get drunk at bars, I often coerce girls into slapping the shit out of me. Not by degrading them or being rude or anything, just by convincing them they'll like it. It's so ill to watch a shy or insecure girl unleash a monster backhand -- like revisionist feminism or something. Great ice-breaker too. It's pretty much uphill from there.

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if you really want to fuck her up you can make her give away her car. its mean but works...

 

go to a sporting goods store and pick up bear piss or moose piss in a bottle. its not called that but you get the idea. this is the scent bear and moose use to let others know they're in heat so they need to be able to smell it miles away. hunters use it to attract animals.

 

next... find the car, open the bottle and proceed to pour the contents into the air vents on the outside base of the windshield. as soon as she starts the car she fucked, and if she decides to turn the heat on, look out. :D her car is fucked, she'll have to give it away, because you just can't get that smell out.

 

 

and this works on more than crazy ex gf's..:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Originally posted by Evil Dee

It's all about not letting the chicks spin you out. Stay cool, calm and collected and their brains will implode.

 

After sitting on this advice all day, i've decided to retract it and instead offer this nugget:

 

Punch the bitch in the tits, kick her in the cunt and run away screaming. And don't ever fuck with a chick who knows karate again.

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Originally posted by Swiffer Jet

what is there to plan? just get a jar, fill it up with milk and put raw chicken in it. hide it somewhere in the bushes at her house with the lid open. mMm, smells great!

 

you got it wrong matey, you leave the lid on real tight... eventually the lid will pop off due to some chemical type shit.... for best results place jar in air conditioner or vent of some sort

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Guest imported_El Mamerro
Originally posted by Don't Panic

So first, I thought "Damn, who has one of those kid rides from walmart in their house?" After a second glance it became "What the fuck is Donald doing to that little girl?"

 

And then at third glance it was "How the fuck did this design get approved by a number of people?"

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