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Headlines, with ClueLeno

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I was recently watching a Conan O'Brien re-run and realized that he ripped off Leno, so I will to....



This is a list you'll want to get on. 'Congress acts quickly on do-not-kill list.' Try and get on that if you can."



"It says, '2 Guys Celebrating 30 Years…' I'm sorry, these 'Queer Eye' makeovers are just going too far."



What a prize...



"This made me laugh. This is an ad with me in it from 1985 at the Austin Opera House. Look at the quote -- 'The funniest comedian working today,' David Letterman. I'll have to call Dave and thank him for that lovely quote."



"'Romeo Phillon kisses Tiger, his pet in prison the past two years.' He's had a pet in prison for two years."


"Do you think the cat looks like he's been in prison?"

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"Here's the Simple Cremation Seminar. 'If all you want is cremation, you must attend this seminar.'"



"It's at the Carousel Bakery. Grandpa smells like cinnamon."



"I'm sure these are fine crackers -- they're made in China, but Chinese translations sometimes don't work real well. These are Julie's delicious KaKa crackers.'"


"'Take extra precautions with elderly in heat.' Yeah! Grandpa always gets a little frisky at this time of year."


"Here's the New York Times bestseller list, number one under hardcover fiction -- Living History by Hillary Clinton. (long pause) You see, the book is not supposed to be fiction."

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