Guest BROWNer Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 symptoms: bloated gut. gaseous movements. uncouth: farting in class. farting on someone's head or face. cupping it, then bringing it up to your face for maximum nasal permeationsz. solution: exit populated vicinity and release. don't eat a fucking load of bran or beans..or..... questionairre: do you fart in the populated area anyhow? this could include a movie theatre(the ultimate no-no?) do you fart on your girlfriends face? aside: i had a friend who had a friend..this guy apparently was going out with an extremely hot woman..anyhow, he eventually got dumped becuz one morning he woke her up by squatting over her face with a naked crotch, then woke her up and gave her the smotherey funk airbrush. class act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 hahaha, what the fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 the dreaded cinema fartsz! I blame the popcornz. Some foodsz just seem to bring out the gaszy fartsz. Maybe it's becuasze you end up eating a lot of air with every bite of poopcornsz. Movie Threatresz are just not safe anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinchedWaist Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 that shit is hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by BROWNer this could include a movie theatre(the ultimate no-no?) the ultimate no-no is elevators Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinchedWaist Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 how about the ultimate no-no being at my job receptionist, in a closed room all by myself so if any employees come in and i just let one go.....they all know who the culprit is. I hide under my desk in the fetal position and whimper until they go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 yea but you can exit the elevator with the quickness. the theatre you're stuck in the cloud unless you really want to get up and move and make a scene. i'll revise.. the ultimate no-no has got to be first date gas blastsz. unless the chick annoys you off and then its all good.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swiffer Jet Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by BROWNer cupping it, then bringing it up to your face for maximum nasal permeationsz. HOLLER! i don't mind if there's a fart smell in an air-conditioned room. but if it's the heater that's on...hell no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 if i am in a situation where my "special air" is going to conflict with my interests and/or intentions then i go to the restroom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 hahaha, special air.. it minorly irks me that i can't squeeze off. or if i really need to, then do, and think i'm safe from any interference, then somebody walks up fucking sits down right beside me... what do you say? usually nothing..heh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by BROWNer yea but you can exit the elevator with the quickness. the theatre you're stuck in the cloud unless you really want to get up and move and make a scene. i'll revise.. the ultimate no-no has got to be first date gas blastsz. unless the chick annoys you off and then its all good.. Elevators are uneasy places to begin with...even for two floors distance you get to inhale half the strangers special air...yikes. As far as first date: Heres a story. I was at a club with a friend, his girl..and her sister...after drinks and drinks me and the sis hooked. We went at the girls house. My friend and his girl went in the mutual sisters room, so we stayed at the couch..did what we did and then she went all over me and fell asleep...not exactly asleep though...it was the kind of cuddle sleep where you wake up and sleep all the time. As she was on me, her ass was pressing my special gas factory making want to fart like a dinosaur...my eyes kept closing only to wake up 1 minute later in agony...everytime i was feeling the gas armed...so i closed my eyes again...after 10 nap brakes..i wake up feeling RELIEVED...i still dont know what happened but i'm sure that couch has a hole...or burnt fiber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by BROWNer hahaha, special air.. it minorly irks me that i can't squeeze off. or if i really need to, then do, and think i'm safe from any interference, then somebody walks up fucking sits down right beside me... what do you say? usually nothing..heh... Hahaha, to bad you dont smoke man. You light up a cig and keep peoples noses with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 And the story i told reminded me of another classic one. That friend of mine that was dating the older sister was telling me his technique on fart case #349/gh8: Farting in Bed He'd fart with his hands over the blanket (making sure no gas leaks towards their heads) then he would lift the blanket on its lower edge using his foot to create a ventilation hole...and finally he'd pretend he's scratching his chest over the blanket using vertical scratch strokes forcing the special gas to escape from the ventilation... i was laughing for 3 days with that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PedroHammers Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 what about the "first time with a new girl in a bed" gas? i know i am not the only one that gets that, or maybe i am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PedroHammers Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 damn tesser, you touched on the subject while i was typing my reply. damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinchedWaist Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 hey, everyone farts, and if the girl is cool you guys can both laugh about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by PedroHammers damn tesser, you touched on the subject while i was typing my reply. damn. Hahaha, word!..its a tough situation for sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pilau Hands Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by BROWNer yea but you can exit the elevator with the quickness. the theatre you're stuck in the cloud unless you really want to get up and move and make a scene. i'll revise.. the ultimate no-no has got to be first date gas blastsz. unless the chick annoys you off and then its all good.. i don't know fellas, my vote for the ultimate no-no would have to be the packed commuter train car blast. that's just a slap in the face to anyone around you, and you can't move or do a damn thing. there's no where to escape to whether you would or not. plus there are so many people, it's impossible to look for the guilty party and shun them. SHUUNNNN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinchedWaist Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 I say fuck it as long as they don't know its you (silent killers) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by Pilau Hands i don't know fellas, my vote for the ultimate no-no would have to be the packed commuter train car blast. We got a winner! packed trains are definatelly an all around odor adventure. One time, 45 celsium outside, i had this short bald old stinkin' man right in front of me...i swear his scull smelled like death...The picture of the sweatdrips going downhill on his old rotten scullskin still hunt me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by CinchedWaist I say fuck it as long as they don't know its you (silent killers) I agree unless you're not the killer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by Tesseract The picture of the sweatdrips going downhill on his old rotten scullskin still hunt me. Dude! why didn't you say hello to me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by PedroHammers what about the "first time with a new girl in a bed" gas? i know i am not the only one that gets that, or maybe i am. definitely been there. no matter how well the date went...you can't wait to leave. second you walk out the door...let it rip. on this note...how about when you're having sex with a girl...and a big ole LOUD fart escapes. some of the worst ones have been when you're stuck in a car and someone lets it go. its kinda funny waiting for the smell to drift around the car and see each person notice it. all windows down quickly ensues after the detection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest im not witty Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 hahahaha. oh man, tangerines, keep me away from tangerines, when i eat them, the things that come out of my ass, can only be classified as weapons. WMD even... dear jesus. oh but what about this special air dilemna. when youre cuddled up with your girl naked, youve got your back to her, and shes spooned up close behind you with her arm draped over, her crotch or stomach right up against your butt...and then here comes the swellin' belly. pop quiz hot shit, what do you do>?:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinchedWaist Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 switch around to hug her and tell her how much you love her while it exits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by SteveAustin ..how about when you're having sex with a girl... steve wins. no doubt, sex and a smelly from either party is ultimate de-bonerizer/de-wetter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S@T@N Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by CinchedWaist switch around to hug her and tell her how much you love her while it exits. HAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHA Then while you're telling her you love her, fart LOUD AS FUCK and hold her there and laugh as she tries to escape believe in the devil <---- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinchedWaist Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Thats exactly when my cute girly farts come out (when my boyfriend tickles me or holds me as a struggle to get away, usually from extreme laughter). With practice we could work on farting in unison, perhaps coming up with melodies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iced_tea Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 oh man farting is the best. especially in the colder times when me and my friends are out skatin. rip one in the car turn the heat on and laugh at your bros in the back seat as they gasp for fresh air. being with the female on special occasions is trouble for farting though. i remember one time me and the special lady were up all night and like about 4am i got the worst feelin in my stomach. i had to shit so bad but i kept trying to hold it off which made me have to fart even worse. i thought i was gonna fucking explode. ahhh memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 yes, i do fart in public, just not at job interviews or when eating. i knew this kid in highschool... we were sitting in the library, and he walks up to this table of girls, turns around and farts, and even waits to push out sall the baby farts, then walked away.... very funny shit.... the kid ended up dying of a speedball overdose a year or two later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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