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TheWhiteRabbit

funny storys

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yo it was one summer day in like 1997 and me and two of my cousins were playing softball. well before we got to the field we had went to a mexican reastraunt and ate some spicy ass food!

well after about a hour of playing in the hot sun and our food digesting my cousin had to use the restroom. i mean he had to use the restroom, he starting stinking up hompeplate!!

well we told him to go home cause he stunk and there was no restrooms, but he said one more hit, one more hit!

well he got one more hit and blam he shit his pants and he had to walk home cause he road his bike to the field. well to top it off on the way home some girls stopped in a car to mack to us and they said, hey we are going to get some beer for a beer for a party do you want to come with us? well we went of course but my cousin, well he shit his pants and couldnt! hehe well after that day we nicknamed him poopy-pants

 

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i hate working and after 5 really good years with this girl out of no where she says i love you but im not in love with you! and bam its over!!

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haha nice.

 

Here's a story for you.

 

I met this guy about a year ago through my friend Leah. Leah really liked him but none of us could ever figure out if he was gay. He talked kindof with a lisp, had a really good eye for fashion, and always talked about interior decorating. On the other hand, he also mentioned some ex girlfriends and sometimes would talk about girls with 'nice boobs'. It was like the Pat skit on SNL, we were always trying to make hints to get him to say either way, but he just never did. She told me he got really wierd on her so she stopped hanging out with him. Leah moved to Italy and I never heard about him again until a couple months ago he came into my work and we struck up a conversation. He asked if I wanted to hang out so I gave him my number. So he calls me and I tell him to come pick me up from work so we can watch flix and I can check out his new house that he's redesigning. He picks me up and in the conversation there I find out that he's 30 years old, which wierded me out because I thought he was only 25 and he just looked older than he really was, but I was like no big thang, he's gay anyway. So after the movie he puts in some jazz romance and starts lighting candles and pours me a glass of wine. I was getting that 'I'm about to put the moves on you' vibe, so I was feeling uneasy. He sits down right in front of me and he's like "I have to tell you something." So I'm like wheew, big sigh of relief, he's going to tell me he's gay. I'm like 'oh sure jeff, you can tell me anything (hehe)'. He's like "well I don't want to, but I just have to. It's something I've been wanting to tell you every since we met" So I said "No seriously Jeff, you can tell me anything, I won't think any different of you!" So he hesitates and takes this huge breath and says "Well about a year ago, right before I met you, I was driving by your house and I looked up and saw you in your window changing" (record skips...) I'm like "what!?" All the sudden there's just this really bright pervert light shining right on his face, and he continues "You were topless, and I saw you standing there... don't you remember?" All the sudden I remembered, it was right after Leah brought him over to my house to hang out, and I was walking around my room trying to find a shirt and I looked outside and there was a red car (like his) parked outside my window and a guy starring straight at me jerking off. I closed the blinds really quick and heard the car speed away, I thought it was creepy as fuck, but I always just thought it was some stranger from the gas station next door. Needless to say I was feeling totally nautious at this point. I think he picked up on that so he continues even further "I mean I was just driving by, and you put your shirt on really fast.. It's just I think about this everytime I see you. I've always wanted to see you like that again." So, there goes the good old gay man thing he had going for him. I look around, realized I'm in the middle of nowhere, in a room of lighted candles, with a 30 year old psycho. I'm totally baffled "that was you???" "so you do remember?" he says with this total shit eating grin, like i remembered all along and was turned on by it or something.. I was like "i want to go home" so he gets all pissed off and starts telling me about how he had this great night planned for us and this and that. I thought for sure he was going to rape me and keep me in his basement or something. But by some grace of god he took me home, barely speaking a word the whole time. Then he called me that night. Three times the next day. Called me at work the next day, then again at home. and finally showed up at my work, and I told the hostesses to tell him I was busy. He left and I haven't heard from him since. I'm sure to keep the blinds closed now though and I never look at gay men the same.

 

ugh!!!

 

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PRUDE - If I had nuts, you'd be on 'em.

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uhhh i think this was a post for funny stories thats not as much funny as it is creepy

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my buddy and i were coming home from baja, and they have these checkpoints to make sure you are not running guns. well, we stopped at one, and this canadian was there and the mexican army dude was like "tengo armas?" and the canadian was all "NO! ..I.. NO ..SPEAKA ... YOUR..MEXICAN!" all slow and loud like this army dude was deaf, needless to say, that moron was there at that stop for a while. we laughed all the way home, which is a looong drive... oh, and we brought back like 6 cases of beer, which is illegal, youre only supposed to bring back 2 bottles of liquor each, and we were both under age, the customs guys didnt even check our ages.

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i was with my friend's 2 little brothers and one of their friends. they live on the other side of town and we went to the mall over there. im driving in the parking lot looking for spot right next to the door cuz its like a million degrees and were lazy. so im drivng up one aisle and see a spot on the other side. when i turned, i burned my tires all the way around and there happened to be a family with a baby stand by their car and i park couple spots down from them. we're walking and the bitch is talking shit about my driving. she's like, "youre gonna run someone over driving like that". i was just like i dont live a fuck. she says, "you would if you ran over my baby." i said,"no i wouldnt. i dont know you or your fuckin baby. i should have ran all you motherfuckers over." basically, i told her i didnt give a fuck about anything shes saying cuz i dont live over there. she keeps talking so my friend's brother jumps in her face like, "shut the fuck up you stupid bitch." like the whole time she was talking, he was saying shit like that. that may not be that funny to some of you but thats the only story i remember right now. i got a lot of funny stories.

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Alright here's mine:

I was at the Boston Library on a school thing and I was readin a book and takin stuff down, it's real quiet and at this point if I laugh again some teacher will kill me. Well low and behold the fattest guy I've ever seen in my entire life comes thundering through the ever so quiet library at top speed in one of those cart-type things. Only to stop at my table in which my back is turned and I'm trying desperately to hold my laughing in. Turns out he stopped and looked over at a kid about 4'9'' (he must have been hungry) then he jets off at record setting speed never to be seen again.

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Originally posted by Harpo Marx:

one of those cart-type things.

 

 

you mean a wheelchair?

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Originally posted by Trend:

quote:

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Originally posted by Harpo Marx:

one of those cart-type things.

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you mean a wheelchair?

 

nah yo he means a mortorized cart

like the one the old lady has in the beggining of the movie dumb and dumber

 

 

 

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"now how can i perfect this? livin' recless, die for my neclace"

-nas

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Originally posted by theFUME:

nah yo he means a mortorized cart

like the one the old lady has in the beggining of the movie dumb and dumber

 

Ya dude, that's exactly what I'm talkin about.

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Guest goreguts

Last winter we had a huge snow storm.Conveniently it fell on a friday night so we were real drunk and eager to start some shit. We attached a 20 ft. rope to my friends bronco and flew around the streets for a little bit. After my friend hit a curb and pulled a front flip straight on to his elbow it seemed safer to go to a large parking lot. This is the fucked up scenario. There were probably 20-30 people in this parkin lot with their sleds attached to their cars, having a fuckin' blast, whatever. At this point I'm real drunk and I tell my friend to pull his bronco next to a porta-potty on the side of the lot. We attached the rope to the potty and start dragging it around the lot going like 40mph pulling donuts. It was fuckin hilarious. Were obviously making a spectacle of ourselves, and most of the people there were cracking up, so my friend decides to drive up a curb going like 20mph and it knocked the potty on it's side spilling shit all over the place. We started zig-zagging around the lot where every body was sledding. Everywhere we drove there was a trail of brown shit following us. All the happy little sledders were heart broken to see there play ground destroyed by our bronco. The mood suddenly changed and we had a whole bunch of people yelling at us. This is real bad. We were driving close to a parked ranger and we pulled a quick 180 and the porta potty goes flying full speed into the front of the ranger! The potty seriously split open throwing shit all over this dudes windshield! Oh man this was too crude! Right then a cop car comes flying into the parking lot, so we jump out and cut the rope off the bronco. Get this the cop drives over and shine's his lights on somebody who was just sitting to the side watching! It didn't even occur to him that we had a split open porta-potty attached to us going like 40mph! We got away clean,and I went home and puked the night away!

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heeeeeeeey wait a minute.. i thought tow up was a girl.... if a guy was jacking off while looking at a topless girl, how does that make him gay?

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Some awesome stories are in this thread!!!!!

I like goreguts' story the best, totally insane.

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Originally posted by Ammo:

heeeeeeeey wait a minute.. i thought tow up was a girl.... if a guy was jacking off while looking at a topless girl, how does that make him gay?

 

she is a girl. she thought the guy was gay but found out he wasnt. read the story again.

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I got a fucked up story too kinda like the first one. Me and my homie were chillin. There wasnt shit to do and we didn't have enough money to hit the titty bar. So we decided to go to the local adult book store to kill some time in case some more of our friends stop by. So we head off to the store a few blocks away. The only times we been in there were to buy pornos and shit. But we didnt have enough for that shit either. They had a sign that said adult booths. So we got 2 bucks in tokens and check it out. We each go into our seperate rooms. We thought itt was hoing to be like Live Girls Stripping and shit like in the movies where you pay or else the window closes and shit. But it was just like a TV and you pop in a quarter for like 30 seconds. So I was like this is pretty wack. But I noticed they had some video games outside the booths. They had this game 'Lethal Enforcers' where you get a gun and shoot lowlife pieces of scum. I liked that game so I was like fuck it I'll spend my tokens on this shit. So I'm playing, and I'm all into the game. Then some dude about my age looking totally normal and shit pulls up and starts playing too. I thought nothing of it cause I'm blastin mothafuckas and shit. Then I die, and he says "You gonna play again?" and I'm like fumbling through my pocket trying to find a token instead of a quarter. So he pops in a token for me. So I'm like "thanks man". Then I die again and he pops one in again. I'm playin and he goes "hey can i ask you something?" I'm kinda like yeah whats up?"All of a sudden I'm realizing this shit. Then I was like what the fuck. This fools probably gay and trying hit on me.So I say "I think I know what your gonna ask me and I aint into that shit" So he was like "sorry sorry man". "You cool you aint mad" and shit thinking I was gonna beat his ass on some gay bashing tip. But I was like Nah man. I just wanted to get my homie and get the fuck out of there.

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a while back I had this new airgun I got as a joke present. I was on the roof shooting it at my friend, and we hear this knock on the door. We open it and a full swat team comes in, and I have two cocked police issued shotguns in my face. They put us on the ground and searched us and kept the guns on us. Then they pulled me up, slammed my friend against the wall, and searched my whole house looking for this gun. I told them where it was, and the whole time I was screaming it was fake. They take me up the stairs, with two guns on me, and go up to my room. I see it and I reach down to show them and they are like screaming and pushing me and yelling and shit...real power trip. So this asshole SWAT guy picks up the gun and the batteries fall out. He gets all pissed off and pushes me down the stairs and starts telling me he would have blown my head off and I would have made front page news. They were like, we kill people, we don't hesitate anymore. So we got in this huge argument with the police and then the chief calls and tells them they can't be there anymore. They had squad cars all down the block. This lady comes down with a police escort and it tuns out this crazy woman called and said there were two kids with automatic M16's shooting at people... She got her whole family on the floor and had one of those "OH MY GOD HE"S GOT A GUN!" muffled conversations with the dispatcher. Now I dress slightly gothicly, without being gothic by any means. I wear black ben davis's...band shirts...labeled as a hardcore kid. The whole time, with guns to me I am getting yelled at like you damn columbine kids and this and that about how we are gonna destroy the world. Anyways, the lady moved away, and the neighbors never looked at me the same....

 

 

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http://www.angelfire.com/ri/misc01/images/animatefrink.gif'>

WITH AN EDGE SO STRONG IT CAN'T BE BROKEN.

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