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Zack Morris

Minor Threat and the straight edge conspiracy

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Minor Threat and the straight edge conspiracy


"Youths oppress my people,

women rule over them.

O my people, your guides lead you astray;

they turn you from the path."

(Isaiah 3:12)

After weeks of undercover investigations I can exclusively reveal to you that the straight edge heavy metal band, Minor Threat, were in fact a group of dangerous subversives who hoped to seize power and install a nazi-communist dictatorship. Basing their philosophy on the teachings of Mao Tse Tung and Adolf Hitler, the band devised their own agenda which was to abolish religion and alcohol. The members of the band also failed to live up to the high personal standards they advocated, as it is now widely known that some of the band were marijuana addicts.


The 'X'

The straight edge movement was founded in 1980 by Ian MacKaye (shown right, with his band Minor Threat). Their emblem was a swastika with the end bits removed from the cross. This was to symbolise that they were nazis, yet also communists as the 'X' also represents the hammer and sickle, which adorns the sinister red flags of communist nations, but without the metal bits. So it stands for two handles.


The straight edge lifestyle edict

They advocated a lifestyle that meant abstinence from sex and drugs, which is to be commended, but also asked their members to refrain from drinking and pipe smoking. This meant that they would refuse communion in a church. Jesus' miracle at the wedding (see John 2: 1-11) was a sign that God likes people to have a drink, so the teachings of the straight edge movement run contrary to ALL Christian philosophy.


Ian MacKaye: potential nazi-communist tyrant?

Ian MacKaye formed Minor Threat to seize power and install a nazi-communist dictatorship. And also to fund his marijuana habit. Once in power, his straight edge government would have abolished contraceptives and drugs, which could only have been a good thing, but would have also outlawed religion and church wine. The detestable practice of skateboarding would have been compulsory for all teenagers and we would have been forced to have skinhead haircuts. In this respect, their philosophy was similar to that of Adolf Hiter and Chairman Mao of China, as they wanted everybody to be the same, but they would have eliminated any "undesirables". Probably.


Credibility blown by mind-bending marijuana addiction

Thankfully this did not happen as Ian MacKaye's credibility was destroyed when it was discovered that he was injecting the lethal drug, marijuana. The photograph on the right shows this pathetic man after yet another one of his "fixes". The straight edge movement is being kept alive by a group of foolish fanatics, but is too unfashionable for most teenagers, so hopefully it will die out soon.


This story illustrates once more just how evil rock music is. I implore any parents reading this site to go through your childrens' CD collection and to publicly burn any offensive material.




Copyright © British Conservative Catholics ® 2001. All rights reserved.


go here for even more wonderful articles and conspiracy theories against the church http://free.freespeech.org/shockingtruth/

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A few months ago we got a new neighbour next door to our flat. Very soon we heard unnatural sounds emerging from the wall into our bedroom. We found the reasons of these sounds in the unholy doing of our neighbour and his friends: he is a sissy gay faggot. He likes to be used and abused in unspeakable ways by other men, especially very young man and boys. We also found out that he grows his breasts by using female hormones.


"I have to say that I am pregnant in my fifth month and I confess my daily sins to my husband and then get a proper spanking on my vagina, breast and butt, to keep me on my way to God. "


HAHA this site is hellarious, go to it now hahahahhahah lol.

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oh man, thats pretty fucking nuts, but they arent a big influence on anybody but a few crackpots.

you want insanity, try taking a look at http://www.capalert.com

ChildCare Action Project (CAP): Christian analysis of american culture. These people still exist....its scary to think about but they do.

they have reviews of most current movies, which are rated on the "WISDOM' index. WISDOM stands for: Wanton Violence/Crime (W), Impudence/Hate (I), Sex/Homosexuality(S), Drugs/Alcohol (D), Offence to God (O), Murder/Suicide (M). Even on the most harmless movie, like Atlantis, you'll see a breakdown like this:


Wanton Violence/Crime (W):


€ disaster imagery

€ many disaster deaths. some by explosion and fire (unseen)

€ assault with firearms

€ gunfire to control

€ firearm threat

€ physical assault

€ attempted murder (five)

€ beating/brutality

€ long battle sequence with unseen deaths with gunfire to kill

€ great fall with no consequences which would likely kill


Impudence/Hate (I)(1):


€ deceit by treachery


Sex/Homosexuality (S):


€ female sensuality

€ implied nudity

€ tale of homosexual kiss

€ adults in underwear

€ sensuous dress

€ sexual innuendo

€ camera angle to force viewer on private parts


Drugs/Alcohol (D):


€ smoking


Offense to God (O)(2):


€ God's name in vain once and without the four letter expletive

€ healing by crystal touch

€ walking on water

€ levitation

€ much crystal magic


Murder/Suicide (M)(3):


€ defensive murder



these people are nuts. they even have sections about ABC/Disney's "gay agenda". Cause we all know how subversive disney is to traditional "family" values.

the thing that scares me, is that these people have support, and aren't dismissed as too conservative. These are the type of people who organize people in order to stop teaching evolution in schools....

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IM sorry to break it to you guys but i am 100% convinced that that first thing is just a joke... The whole site sounds legitimate, but.... There is no complete adress, it sais you can buy merchandise form their shop, but it only gives the name of the street on the adress, not the exact place, then it procedes to say that people should stop sending them razor blades in the mail...


Yeah if you just look you can tell its fake, the letters are fake and everything, just some goofball... But it is damn funny.

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Guest young republican

Pitt & Johnson: Manufacturers of anti-masturbation equipment and chastity preservation tools

"They grope in darkness with no light."

(Job 12:25)


The British Conservative Catholics are proud to announce that Pitt & Johnson, the "manufacturers of anti-masturbation equipment and chastity preservation tools" are back in business.


It is quite obscene that in the twentieth century youths are still pleasuring themselves by indulging in this sickening habit. Many teenage boys are addicted to it and our so-called "political leaders" simply do not have the spine to tackle the problem. We should all be grateful to Pitt and Johnson (pictured on right) for their efforts to address what is now a very serious problem.


In 1831 Benjamin Pitt and Charles Johnson founded their company in an attempt to eradicate the filthy practice of masturbation. By producing an item known as the "ring" (a metal hoop with spikes on the inside) they almost achieved their goal. It was a huge success with the aristocracy and bourgeoisie. Masturbation rates fell by as much as 54% nation-wide.


However, their noble work was undone by sinister forces. The working class hordes complained about the high price and were too tight to put their hands in their pockets to purchase an anti-masturbation ring, choosing instead to waste their money on filthy rags and poor quality food. The rise of evil socialist organisations and a maligned trade union movement undermined the efforts of Pitt & Johnson. The abolition of child labour was one of the most pernicious laws introduced. Working class children now had more free time on their hands and consequently the masturbation rate soared.


By 1887 Pitt & Johnson abandoned their moral crusade and ceased producing anti-masturbation equipment...until now! Reviving the legacy of their great great grandfathers, George Pitt & Bertrand Johnson have announced they intend to eradicate masturbation by producing a new range of equipment.


These items have only just been released on the market. Tests in Albania have shown that the electronic anti-erection ring is 100% successful in curing masturbation. The anti-masturbation pants are priced at an affordable £34.99, so poor people have no excuse for letting their sons indulge in detestable practices.


Parents should be fully aware of the dangers. Masturbators quickly become addicted and this leads to a search for ever increasing thrills. The mental and moral degeneration that masturbation causes means that youths are more likely to be brainwashed by the propaganda of the Atheist Movement. Christian doctors and scientists agree on the harmful side effects of masturbation which are:




the desire for a greater thrill which leads to drug addiction



It was with great difficulty that I produced this article. Even thinking about this horrible practice made me nauseous. I hope you are now convinced that masturbation MUST be eradicated!



"I got the anti-nocturnal emission bed sheet for my son. I had a fiddle with the wiring to give him a strong spark, the little bugger had a wet dream and his bed caught fire! My other son can't walk since the anti-erection ring gave him a good blast. At least it taught them a harsh lesson!"

Bruce Slatter, Canberra Australia


"When my son had an erection I watched as he was blasted with the anti-erection ring. When the sparks started flying it reminded me of that scene in 'Return of the Jedi' when Luke is being zapped by the Emperor. The irony of the situation was not lost as he screamed, 'save me father!!!'"

Karl-Heinz Stirner, London UK


"Buying the anti-masturbation pants made a drastic improvement to our son's life. No longer does he stay indoors playing with himself. He is a much healthier boy now who spends most of his time outdoors with a group of friends who beat up blacks and homosexuals."

Mr & Mrs Bishop, Texas USA

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That's site's crazy Ese, but awesome, because you can find out what a movie has in it as far as nudity/sex goes!!

I'm looking at American Pie 2, it's hilarious...

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I found this to be extremely humorous, it's from that capalert.com website...


From AMERICAN PIE 2 vulgarity listing:


Impudence/Hate (I)(1):


--50 uses of the most foul of the foul words

--72 uses of the rest of the three/four letter word vocabulary

--public urination

--"golden shower" (human urinating on human)

--image of trombone mouthpiece being shoved into rectum then the instrument played

crotch hit

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AND HERE'S ONE ABOUT--------------->


CATS & DOGS (!!!!!!!)


Impudence/Hate (I)(1):


--two uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary

--dog urination


--"We kick b---."


I love this website!!


[This message has been edited by Tofu (edited 08-16-2001).]

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As we all know abortion is one of the most heinous crimes one can commit. It is murder! Killing is morally wrong and there are no circumstances whatsoever when it is justifiable. I don't know how abortionists can live with themselves after they MURDER innocent babies. They should all be executed for their sins.


Here are 5 facts about abortion and abortionists:



the evil operation was invented by the Nazis prevent "undesirables" being born

the procedure is supposed to be carried out using a suction device, however most abortionists still prefer to use the traditional knitting needle method

once the foetuses are removed from the womb they are eaten by the abortionist

abortionists spend a year in an abattoir to refine their skills

all abortionists are atheists and probably communists too

Proper Christians, ie. Catholics, have always objected to the abhorrent procedure of aborting foetuses. However, this has caused a problem, as sometimes Catholic parents give birth to babies that are defective. For evil atheist mothers this is no problem. When they are told by doctors that their unborn child is faulty, they simply pop along to an abortionist who gets rid of the offending foetus. No great decision making is involved as these wicked women have no morals.

With the option of abortion not open to true Christians, they are forced to bring up a defective child. However, all this is set to change. A doctor in Birmingham has come up with a procedure of dispatching deficient babies without aborting them. Thus not violating any Catholic edicts.


I interviewed Doctor Leonard Prime (left) and he told me all about his methods, which are quite ingenious. He is a committed Catholic and, like me, loathes abortions. "Whenever women used to come to me and asked for an abortion, I would recoil in horror. I would shout at them and call them agents of Satan. How could they even consider this horrible operation? Do they think nothing of killing innocent babies?"


But Dr Prime realised that some women did have a point when they had unsatisfactory babies in their wombs. Since being sacked as a general practitioner, he has devoted more time to this issue and has come up with a solution. Unlike despicable abortionists he does not murder innocent unborn children, but waits until they are born so that he can decide whether they are too evil to live.


"After reading about the life of a great Austrian leader in the 1930s, I became convinced that certain types of people should not be allowed to live: the lebensunterwenlebens. Now if a woman comes to me I agree to get rid of their faulty child. However, I only dispose of defective ones, not the perfectly healthy ones. By 'defective' I mean physically disabled and mentally retarded babies. Sometimes I get rid of children who the parents feel might grow up to be a communist, Jewish or homosexual and those that show precocious atheistic behaviour."


I felt uncomfortable at this point. It is fine to kill babies if they might grow up to be communists, Jews or homosexual; but physically disabled and mentally retarded people? They are not evil. "Some of them are evil", asserted Dr Prime, "I have devised a test to find out which ones are sinners. I ask whether they are disciples of Satan, I tell them that staying silent implies guilt." At this point I objected, babies cannot speak so they will all be guilty. "I thought about that", Dr Prime continued, "but God would not let me murder an innocent, he would use the Holy Spirit to put the words into the child's mouth". Fully reassured, I commended the doctor on his work. I asked whether any babies had spoken when questioned about their loyalty to Satan, but Dr Prime said no.


Out of curiosity I asked Dr Prime how he got rid of the babies. "Quite simple, just drown them in a big bucket in my back garden."





Copyright © British Conservative Catholics ® 2001. All rights reserved.



the guys that made this are hilarious as fuck..I am still reading things on here..not even porno sites keep me entertained this long.

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the danger in our world today doesnot lie within hate groups, gangs, and drug users. its these people who should be watched...

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Originally posted by Zack Morris:

The 'X'

The straight edge movement was founded in 1980 by Ian MacKaye (shown right, with his band Minor Threat). Their emblem was a swastika with the end bits removed from the cross.


This is some of the most funnist shit I have read in a long time. Good lord,..some people just have way to much time on their hands.


For those who don't know....the "X" came from the marking that kids under 21 would get at the bars punk shows were at. Eventually the straight egde kids just started marking them selves with X's on their hands before going to the shows... It just caught on.


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Originally posted by Zack Morris:

.n this respect, their philosophy was similar to that of Adolf Hiter and Chairman Mao of China, as they wanted everybody to be the same, but they would have eliminated any "undesirables". Probably.



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