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Guest WebsterUno

women, men and alchohol…hehe

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Guest WebsterUno

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a

woman's personality based on what she drinks.  Though interviewed

separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

 

Drink: Beer

Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.

Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

 

Drink: Blender Drinks

Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.

Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

 

Drink: Mixed Drinks

Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.

Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

 

Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)

Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.

Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more

years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

 

Drink: White Zin

Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no

clue.

Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...

 

Drink: Shots

Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and

naked.

Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

 

Then there is the male addendum .... The deal with guys is, as

always, very simple and clear cut.

 

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

 

Good Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

 

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image

to

help him get laid.

 

Whiskey: He doesn't give two shit's about anything but getting laid.

 

Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something.

 

White Zin. or Blender drinks: He's gay.

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Guest Remy Martin

hahhahahahahah...thashitsfunny...

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Guest WebsterUno
Originally posted by Remy Martin:

hahhahahahahah...thashitsfunny...

 

oh yeah…try this on for size!

 

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and

listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God

bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa."

The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her

prayers, which went like this:

God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma.

Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her

say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock.

Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his

office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the

clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at

the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch

and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to

me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

 

[This message has been edited by WebsterUno (edited 08-16-2001).]

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Guest Remy Martin

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

thasshitsfunnier...

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Guest Are2

2 peanuts were walkin down the street and one of em was assaulted

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Guest beardo

what does snoop doggy dogg wash his clothes with?

 

 

BLEEAAATTTCCCHH!!!

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ha ha beardo.

 

 

Recently a magical mirror was discovered in NYC at an antique shop. The mirror is all knowing and all truth telling. How it works is you say a fact into it, if it is true it will tell you straight up that what you said is true. However, if the statement is false the mirror will suck you in and keep you in it's eternal hell.

 

Three best friends, a blonde, burnette, and a redhead decide to travel to NYC to test their theory's on life.

 

The burnette steps up to the mirror, takes a big breath and declares "I think I am the most beautiful girl in the world" POOOF! The mirror swallows her whole in a split second.

 

The redhead steps up to the mirror, takes a big breath and declares "I think I am the smartest woman in the world" POOOF! The mirror swallows her whole in a split second.

 

The blonde, extremely nervous, steps up to the mirror. She takes a big breath and declares "I think.." POOOOF! the mirror swallows her whole in a split second.

 

 

 

 

------------------

PRUDE - If I had nuts, you'd be on 'em.

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Guest --zeSto--

My letter styles are more complex and my bombs are bigger than ...POOOOOF!

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haha Prude... not bad...

 

I'll be back later with some chilling dead baby jokes... maybe even some real humor

 

bump

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Q: Whats the Difference between a Dead Baby and a Trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

 

Q: Why do dogs lick their penis?

A: They can't make a fist.

 

Q: Why do pedaphiles love halloween?

A: Free delivery

 

Q: Whats the title of Christopher Reeves next movie?

A: SuperMan Gets A Good Parking Spot.

 

Q: Whats sicker than driving over a baby?

A: Skidding

 

Q: How can you tell a female midget is menstruating?

A: She keeps tripping over the string.

 

Q: What do you say to a woman with no arms or legs?

A: Nice tits

 

Q: What do fat people do in the summertime?

A: Stink

 

Q: What do you do with a one legged dog?

A: Take it for a drag

 

Q: Why don't blind people go skydiving?

A: It scares the shit out of the dog

 

http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'>

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Guest --zeSto--
Originally posted by knowlej:

Q: Why do dogs lick their penis?

A: They can't make a fist.

 

hahaha...

along the same lines...

 

Q:How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

A:Blow him.

 

a girl told me that one.

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A woman visits her accountant to file her taxes. He asks her, “What’s your occupation?”

 

The woman says, “I’m a hooker.”

 

The accountant balks and says, “Oh, that’s too crass. Let’s try to rephrase it.”

 

“How about ‘prostitute’” the woman suggests.

 

“That’s still too crude,” he says.

 

They both think for a minute, then the woman blurts out, “Let’s say I’m a chicken farmer.”

 

“What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?” the accountant asks incredulously.

 

The woman answers, “I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'> http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'> http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'> http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'> http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//biggrin.gif'>

 

http://tradedforwheat.com/meshugenah/images/hvdance2.gif'>http://tradedforwheat.com/meshugenah/images/hvdance2.gif'>

 

webs, check your mail http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb//icons/icon14.gif'>

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Guest WebsterUno

mail checked, now click that link I dropped.

Trust me…

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here's a funny pick up scenario:

 

guy: know the difference between a whopper and a blow job.

 

girl: i don't know, what.

 

guy: want to go out to lunch?

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Guest cracked ass

Swiped from somebody from this site, long ago...

What's the best and worst thing about fucking a six-year-old?

Best: Hearing the pelvis crack

Worst: Getting blood on your clown suit

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