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l0rdka0s

my darkest hour and the longest most painful 6 months of my life

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well i know i havent made a decent thread ever but i think maybe some of you might take this into consideration.

 

About 6 months ago my life went into over drive chaos mode. Imagine this, within one week I lost my best friend of 6 years, and i mean a true friend. Someone who stuck with me through all the shit that i have talked and the mean things i have done to people, he was still my friend. Then I lost my job of a year and a half, the longest job i have ever held down in my life, with the best pay and the easiest tasks. Then on february 14th, 2003 my heart broke forever when i told my gf i wanted to break up and she said "okay". Im not exactly sure thats what she said but i know she was sure as hell straight faced about it.

 

Well this isnt the worst part. First let me go into depth about my friend leaving. I know youd say big deal right??? well heres the situation. I may have mentioned this before maybe not but they were all from another country which was not friendly of the US after these beauracratic sacks of shit passed the homeland security act of 2002. So my arch nemisis of all time and the one thing i hate the most, big government, fucking took my best friend. In addition i got so depressed when they had to leave the country that i couldnt go to work for two days and then got fucked there well needless to say it all came down.

 

I dont know but ever since then nothing in my life has gone right, in addition to breaking up with my girl who i was with for three years and i think i had fallen in love with, i had to move out of her aprtment. So i was without a place to stay. Anyhow, I end up having to stay with a bipolar asshole who thought everyone was out to get but in reality this cat was out to get everyone else. yo he was a hustler from hell, and was keeping me fucked up almost 24 hours a day thinking that would solve my heartbreak, along with a steady flow of telling me how to get girls to fuck me.

 

well after about two months he got damn tired of being the only shady fucker amongst the throngs of people i intrduced him to so he bounced. so i again was without a place to stay and a job.

 

Moved back in with the rents and started a new job a month later well about a month after that i got throwed one night and beat the shit out of a bouncer at a bar and caught an assault charge. I spent like 2 weeks in jail and lost my job.

 

I in my life have never ever been so depressed and out of touch with reality. The day me and my girl broke up i tried to kill myself because i too am bipolar but refused to accpet it a year ago when i was told. Well its like the worst part to all this shit that you didnt want to hear about is that i can never make it right with the two people in my life who cared about me the most because they are both gone. One lives in toronto and cant come back to the us for another 9 months, and the other one is right down the street but seems so far away because shes got someone else now. Who she found two weeks after we broke up.

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cmon man.. keep your head up. i know this is dumb, but your problems are only temporary. sure, in the short term its like nothing can fix it.. but if you can make it thru day by day you'll realise after a while that things aren't that bad.

 

dont know if you read any of my first posts back in 01, but i had similar problems.. and now im on top of the world. look at me.. weeeeeee

 

"suicide is a permanent solution to a part-time problem"

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i dont know.....i hear a bullet through the temple is quite orgasmic...like nothing u will ever feel again in your life some say....hahahahhaaha jk

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Guest T E A S E R
Originally posted by mr.pescado

i dont know.....i hear a bullet through the temple is quite orgasmic...like nothing u will ever feel again in your life some say....hahahahhaaha jk

 

:lol: hahahhahhahaha

 

D- youre a weird guy man. atleast you can trick semi fine bitches into sleeping with you.

 

:o

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Hmmm....here's what i did when i kept getting arrested every time i went outside, maybe it will help you. Focus on one thing. Get a new job. focus on that. Go to work and go home. Do that for a while. Then go back outside and start from scratch. I've had to do that many times in my life. Make it an adventure.

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Guest WebsterUno

suck it up man...whenever I think

I hit rock bottom, or that Ive had the worst

day in my life...I think of the kids Ive

seen in a third world country. Ive seen

some first hand...not pretty. SOme of you

have heard me say this before...we

here in America are spoiled. We think

we have it bad when they squirt the wrong kind

of milk in our coffee, or when someone

forgot to throw ketchup in your happy meal,

or when mommy cant give you a lift to the mall.

Truth is...there are people suffering from far worse.

I feel for your pain man, but its not as bad as it can

get...trust me. Ever had to do somethign youy didnt

want to do for a few bucks? Ever had to squat

in a dirty shithole cuzz you had no choice? Ever

had to eat out of a garbage can???

http://www.kdavies.dircon.co.uk/pics/04.jpg'>

http://www.valleyskeptic.com/childrenslow.jpg'>

http://bolivia.freeservers.com/images/homelessboywithchurango2.jpg'>

http://www.foodforthepoor.org/graphics/woman_with_child.gif'>

 

we all have our bad days...but when you do..

think of how bad someone else has it, then

think about how bad you have it.

 

 

*believe* :lick:

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Guest T E A S E R

webs is right. theres always worse...

 

today while pasisng out flyers, i saw like 6 blind people going to college. man thats got to suck. they cant see for shit, got people all up in their way, so many obstacles that id let get in my way and make me give up and yet they keep on keeping on.

 

very admirable.

 

keep youre head up mang...

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i've been there just having a mental breakdown and never thinking anything is going to get better.. it will get better. sorry about you losing your friend. but just know that your friend wouldnt want you to be this sad and depressed, he'd want you to go on with your life and be happy right?

 

 

 

~after the darkest nights always comes a brighter day~

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Guest WebsterUno

Sorry, I shouldnt be so harsh.

Ive had many a breakdown myself.

Where I felt like nothing was going

right, and Im serious, I thought about

other people with worse situations

than mine. It made me feel better,

like there was someone out there with

more to worry about, ya know?

I should have told you to just cheer up.

But what good would that do? Maybe,

hopefully, I sparked some thoughts in

your head that werent there before,

and now I got you thinking more positive.

maybe.

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Man that sounds rough, but I've had it pretty bad as well. I won't go into it, because this is your time to shine. Heh. I hope things look up, they always do.

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i'm really sorry that your life is "falling apart." i'm sorry about the bipolar shit too. are you on medication?

i am bipolar too. and also did not believe it in the slightest for a long ass time. a LONG ASS TIME. i didn't realize that "self-medicating" was a fucking sign....

but i've realized in my short span of life, that there are gonna be countless ups and countless downs, and sometimes, the shit jsut doesn't work together. sometimes it's just all downs. for a long while. where everyday that you're living is a day you wish you could just die to avoid it. but it can and will get better. please trust me on that. i don;t really want to explain my fucking life story or anything, but life has this way of working itself out... it just does.

it's also important to realize that the past is in fact, the past. and that living life in the here and now is the most important thing to do, even if the here and now suck complete ass.

also, you really gotta try to look at the little things in life when you are really fucking depressed. like the way the wind blows your clothes around when you're waiting for the bus or something. or noticing that brand spanking new bomb on such-and-such street that is just killer to look at. i mean people, compainions, friends, and lovers are great and wonderful in the journey of life.... but life is what you make of it.

 

plus, medications help too, especially if you are diagnosed with some shit.

 

i hope you have faith in yourself and situation, and that shit pulls through ok.

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If you really feel that depressed, go see your doctor and explain how bad you feel and request anti-depressants. In a month or so, shit will look a lot better.

In the meantime, you need to start making better choices. If you make a poor choice, you are going to get a poor outcome. If you don't care about the outcome, then by all means, just do whatever you want. But if you are unhappy with the ways things have been going, you need to make some changes.

 

I'd start by taking responsibility for my own life and my own happiness. It's not anybody else's job to make you happy. That's YOUR job.

 

If you place a whole bunch of importance on a relationship with just one person, you are making a mistake. People change. They move away. They die. You need to be more adaptable than that.

 

Grow some self esteem, and remember that to have a friend, you need to be a friend. 86 the ulterior motives--it puts people off. Just be yourself and be friendly and let nature take it's course. You should have your own agenda, your own goals and your own high standards. Work on your own shit and FOCUS ON YOURSELF. You cannot control what other people do/don't do. It is a complete waste of time to even worry about it. Just get busy on your own list of stuff to get accomplished. Eliminate anything that is harmful to yourself, harmful to other people, illegal in any degree, or an affront to your own moral code. Develop a cheerful, open, honest demeanor. Get rid of negativism, bitterness, hatred of any kind, and any idea that anybody "owes" you anything. Nobody owes you shit. If you want respect, you must earn it. If you don't earn it, they are in no wise obligated to respect you. Since you can't control what anybody else does, it stands to reason nobody can control you, either. Don't let people manipulate you or make you feel like you "have" to do anything you don't want to do, unless you are already okay with it to start with.

 

Obey the law. If you choose not to obey it, be prepared to get arrested and/or jailed. Don't blame anybody else if you get busted. You are obligated by society to know what's illegal and what's not. Don't expect any mercy, either. If you break the law, the State is perfectly justified in punishing you, so if you don't want to get punished, avoid breaking the law. Simple. I don't like paying tickets, so I try to drive within the speed limit. I know that if I speed, I could get ticketed, so I try hard to not speed.

 

You get to decide for yourself your own personal code of ethics. "If it makes you feel bad, it's probably a good idea to avoid that." Personally, I believe in loyalty and faithfulness. Not everybody does, of course. It's a lot better than the alternative, though, in my opinion.

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damn kabar, voltage, and whoever was on the 3rd world tip (can't remember your sn, sorry) you cats are all the way correct, harsh reality like a mother fucker, but all the way proper.

 

robo...take everything these cats said, imagine adam sandler's (or insert your favorite comedian's) voice, and go from there.

 

i, as i'm sure so can everyone else, can relate to the shit you're going through, it happens. such is life homie. keep your head up. even if you don't feel like you're the shit, pretend that you are and don't let anyone else tell you differently. have confidence in yourself, even if you have to fake it for a minute, and you'd be surprised at how differently people will start to treat you. you can't expect love, in any capacity, from anyone if you don't have it for yourself.

 

before i write a novel, just remember to laugh three times more than you cry and you'll get through this shit. your boy gets to come home in nine months (or so i gathered from your post, my apologies if i misinterpretted) so if nothing else, everytime you feel the "depression" getting really bad, think of how dope it's going to be to see him again. you'll get through this homie, you will. it sucks donkey dick now, but you'll get through it.

 

in closing, read the "fucking with telemarketers" thread and have a laugh. come up kid, come up. peace.

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Guest WebsterUno

I hope youre feeling better.

Take the advice that was given to you.

Your homies will be back, and girls

are like busses-one comes along every ten minutes.

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damn d- didnt know you had it so rough. i know we aint to good of friends and i give you some shit but know you can talk to my ass about shit if you want. hit up my phone or even stop by.

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Guest -MOE LESTER-

go join al queda and bomb up the US government for taking your friend

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