Spruce Lee Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 bump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spruce Lee Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hour 1: Uncle Jesse watched some SportsCenter while Jack Bauer cooked him breakfast. Hour 2: Jack Bauer cried. And cried. And cried. Hour 3: Uncle Jesse went to France, bought Jack Bauer a beret, came back, and made him wear it. Hour 4: Jack Bauer begged for the fight to be over, but Uncle Jesse said no. Jack Bauer got all hot at Uncle Jesse's "take charge" attitude. And his tight black jeans. Hours 5-16: Jack Bauer crapped his pants continually for 11 hours. He didn't stop once. The whole time, Uncle Jesse was busy egging Jack Bauer's parents' house. Then, when the caught him, he told them he was Jack Bauer. They were so elated, until Uncle Jesse yelled "PSYCHE!!" and stole their rosebush. Hour 17: Jack Bauer is forced to write a list of 100 things he loves about men. Ok, actually he wasn't forced. He did it voluntarily. Hour 18: Uncle Jesse counts all of his VHS tapes. He has 87. Jack Bauer counts his VHS tapes. He used to have 87. Now he has 0. Hour 19: Jack Bauer's parents file for divorce...from him! Hour 20: Uncle Jesse wins the Olympics. Again. Hour 21: Uncle Jesse punches Jack Bauer when he isn't looking. That is, Uncle Jesse punched Jack Bauer when Uncle Jesse wasn't looking. He has a knack for anticipating the presence of uphill gardeners, even when he can't see them. Also, he has Spy Tech accessories. Hour 22: Uncle Jesse goes to Space Camp. Jack Bauer tries to go, but NASA has a policy against jagoffs. Subsequently, Zack Morris, Vin Diesel, Matthew McCcCcCcCcCCougenheeney, and Chuck Norris are all denied admission as well. Hour 23: Jack Bauer pleads with the referee to stop the fight, but the referee thinks he's a lost little girl. Child services is called. Hour 24: Child Services arrives, just as Uncle Jesse is playing with the parachute from gym class. He didn't need 30 other kids to help lift it up so he could run underneath it. He did it all by himself. Before Child Services took Jack Bauer away, Uncle Jesse covered him for the 1-2-3. Then Uncle Jesse bought some High Karate cologne, and Mr. Sketch markers. Winner: Uncle Jesse hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyeBee Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Bump this thread...made me laugh then' date=' still makes me laugh now[/quote'] As the original bumper of this thread I would like to again state how hilarious it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Some1 Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Agreed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spruce Lee Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 more from that site: Tomorrow, I'll probably go to Atlantic City. I'll come back and tell Becky to get me a seedless watermelon. When she asks why, I'll tell her I'm pregnant. She's dumb, so she'll believe me. If she doesn't, I'll pee in the closet and tell her she did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dELiSs Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 john stamos is handsome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transparent Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 this is a riot cant believe ive never seen this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avancier2 Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I always hated kimmy I would have fucked her in the ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodtimes105 Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AyeBee Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Bumping this again cuz it's still one of the funniest things I've ever read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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