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Poop Man Bob

What Would Uncle Jesse Do? ++WWUJD++

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http://www.wwujd.com/

 

 

http://www.wwujd.com/index_files/Uncle-Jesse-Head-2.gif'> What Would http://www.wwujd.com/index_files/Uncle-Jesse-Head-2.gif'>

peepants #1 peepants #1Uncle Jesse Do?

 

 

he touches my bathing suit area http://www.wwujd.com/index_files/Uncle-Jesse-Head-4.jpg'>

 

 

What Uncle Jesse Would Do

Have you ever found yourself in a situation wishing that you were sweet like Uncle Jesse? Considering the fact that you are yourself, and not Uncle Jesse, chances are that you have. This section was designed with such circumstances in mind. In an effort to embassatate the sweet-i-tude that is Uncle Jesse to the entire world, we here at "WWUJD?" have, in fact, tested Uncle Jesse in a variety of situations to see how he would react.

 

Situation #1: Your child comes home from school complaining that a bully has been harassing him and taking his lunch money at recess...

 

What Uncle Jesse Would Do: Uncle Jesse's child is the one beating up on your child. This is because Uncle Jesse has raised his child not to be a big wuss. If you were a better parent, maybe you wouldn't have these problems. Try getting a motorcycle, and getting better hair...that might help, but your kid will still probably get the crap kicked out of him by Uncle Jesse's kid.

 

idrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurine

 

Situation #2: You come out from getting your haircut (by your barber named Alejandro) to find that someone has tipped over your motorcycle and torn your leather jacket in the process...

 

What Uncle Jesse Would Do: This, this, and this.

 

idrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurine

 

Situation #3: Your fiancee wants you to get married someplace lame (like Nebraska), rather than someplace sweet (like a chapel shaped like a giant sideburn in Graceland)...

 

What Uncle Jesse Would Do: Uncle Jesse would go to Graceland and marry himself. You, however, will probably get whipped into going to Nebraska...cause you're a big wuss.

 

idrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurine

 

Situation #4: Your partner in advertising goes behind your back when making a presentation to important clients by incorporating little, dancing puppet cats into said presentation...

 

What Uncle Jesse Would Do: We had trouble finding someone dumb enough to double cross Uncle Jesse...so we called Steven Segal. He was busy eating a sandwich, but said he'd help us out when he was done. We finally picked him up from his tent in the woods and sent him into the meeting with Uncle Jesse. When Steven Segal pulled out the little, dancing puppet cats, Uncle Jesse went ape-shit. He picked up Steven Segal and smashed his head in a briefcase. Then, he threw the briefcase down the elevator shaft. Then, he drove his 1969 Mustang (named Sally) down to the bottom of the elevator shaft and rolled back and forth over Steven Segal like a hundred times. Then he went back upstairs and fought in the Civil War, and he won.

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Uncle Jesse Doing Stuff

http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/Mt-Rushmore.jpg'>

Here is Uncle Jesse embracing our forefathers

 

http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/Uncle-Jesse-and-David-Hasselhoff.jpg'>

Uncle Jesse and David Hasselhoff (partying like sweet dudes do)

 

http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/civil-war-1.jpg'>

Uncle Jesse fought in the Civil War (he won, by the way)

 

http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/declaration-of-independence.jpg'>

Uncle Jesse signed the Declaration of Independence

 

http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessedoinstuff_files/uncle-jesse-and-yao-ming.gif'>

Uncle Jesse is taller than Yao Ming

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Interview With Uncle Jesse

We here at "WWUJD" were fortunate enough to spend a few hours with Uncle Jesse in between his busy schedule of combing his hair and rocking out with the Rippers. We asked some pretty tough questions, here's what Uncle Jesse had to say...

 

i bet uncle jesse gels his pubeshttp://www.wwujd.com/interveiwwithunclejesse_files/Uncle-Jesse-22.jpg'>

 

WWUJD: Uncle Jesse, how are you?

 

Uncle Jesse: Uh, let's see...I have sweet hair, tight black jeans and a motorcycle...I'm fucking sweet!

 

WWUJD: What would you say has been your greatest accomplishment to date?

 

Uncle Jesse: Many people would expect me to say something about "Full House," but let's face it, my greatest accomplishment to date is obviously having better hair than both Olsen Twins, combined.

 

WWUJD: Who would you say have been your role models in your life?

 

Uncle Jesse: Obviously, Elvis. He should be everybody's role model. Aside from his work with the homeless and the Ethiopian refugees in Taiwan, he was an incredible person. He could play the guitar, even on the toilet! And one time, I heard that his wife wouldn't make him a peanut butter and banana sandwich, so he went into the bathroom and combed his hair in front of the mirror for like 3 hours. That showed her. Aside from Elvis, I'd have to say Sammy Davis Jr. and Judge Dredd. Plus, I'm your role model.

 

WWUJD: What was your favorite part about working on the "Full House" set?

 

Uncle Jesse: Beating up on Bob Saget. Usually, I'd just do it for kicks every now and then, but then Bob went and told the producers. So, after I whooped them for sassing me, I found Bob and tied him up to the back of my Harley. Then I drove his ass around the set, while he cried. I video taped the whole thing, and sent it in to "America's Funniest Home Videos," but it didn't win...so I went to their set and kicked all their asses. Then, I combed my hair.

 

WWUJD: Seems like you're really into your hair, would you care to explain why?

 

Uncle Jesse: Uh, maybe you didn't see my hair. It's f*&%ing sweet. I mean, I can go from an incredible mullet, to a semi "Butt Cutt" and still look sweeter than you, or your entire family, ever will.

 

WWUJD: Is it true that you talk to your hair?

 

Uncle Jesse: Every now and then, I give the boys a little bit of a pep-talk. They need to hear that they are doing a good job up there, that keeps them in check.

 

WWUJD: What advice would you give to people who maybe aren't as fortunate enough to have such breathtaking hair.

 

Uncle Jesse: I'd say buy a bullet, rent a gun and just put yourself out of your misery.

 

WWUJD: Ok, Uncle Jesse, we just want to finish up with some word associations. I'll say a word, and you just say the first thing that comes to your mind, ok?

 

Uncle Jesse: Shoot...

 

WWUJD: Rippers.

 

Uncle Jesse: I have sweet hair.

 

WWUJD: Joey Gladstone.

 

Uncle Jesse: Big homo whose hair isn't as sweet as mine is.

 

WWUJD: Rock and Roll.

 

Uncle Jesse: My hair is sweeter than it was 10 seconds ago.

 

WWUJD: Olsen Twins.

 

Uncle Jesse: If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have hair.

 

WWUJD: Ok...one last one, Jay Leno.

 

Uncle Jesse: Look how tight, a.k.a. SWEET, my jeans are!!

 

WWUJD: Alright, thank you for your time, Uncle Jesse.

 

Uncle Jesse: Have Mercy

 

uncle jesse fathered my childrenhttp://www.wwujd.com/unclejessesfavorites_files/Uncle-Jesse-14.jpg'>

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Uncle Jesse's Favorites

 

Food: Gyros

Movie: Judge Dredd

Song: "Hit Me Baby One More Time"-Britney Spears

Video Game: Tie between Contra and Rampage

Olsen Twin: Ashley

Hairstyle: Whatever he is wearing

Professional Wrestler: Honky Tonk Man

Trance DJ: N/A because Trance is lame

Place to rock out: South Korea

Celebrity to party with: David Hasselhoff

Animal: Hippopotamus

Popsicle Flavor: Banana

New Kid on the Block: Donnie Wahlberg

Ninja Turtle: Raphael

Car: 1969 Ford Mustang

Beer: Pabst Blue Ribbon

State: Graceland

School Subject: Recess

Kid: Nicky

Laundry Detergent: Cheer w/ colorguard

 

 

 

 

Uncle Jesse's Least Favorites

 

Food: Danny Tanner's Chicken Parmesan

Movie: Groundhog Day

Song: "In Da Club"-50 Cent

Video Game: Everquest

Olsen Twin: Mary-Kate

Hairstyle: Whatever you are wearing

Professional Wrestler: Aldo Montoya

Trance DJ: N/A because Trance is lame

Place to rock out: North Korea

Celebrity to party with: Hugh Jackman

Animal: Comet the dog

Popsicle Flavor: Apple

New Kid on the Block: Joey McIntyre

Ninja Turtle: Leonardo

Car: 1987 Chevy Astro Van

Beer: Natty Ice

State: Nebraska

School Subject: French

Kid: Alex

Laundry Detergent: All

 

 

 

Click the good-looking Greek to go to the website.

http://www.wwujd.com/unclejessesfavorites_files/Uncle-Jesse-8.jpg'>

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Guest krie

i like highlighting your thread's and seeing what hidden msgs u have

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http://www.thedukesofhazzard.net/img/jesse01.jpg'>

 

sheppard to lost sheep

lost sheep here, over.

you boys keep yer eyes peeled for some long haired fella riding a motercycle. crazy cooter sez he came round the garage looking for daisy. sez he was callin himself uncle jesse.

*-CUE BANJOS-*

in a cloud of dust the general lee speeds down a dirt road after the imposter jesee, forcing him to launch off the ramp and into the "hazard carwash"

* cut to tight shot of fake jesse spitting out water with his greasy hair soaking wet and flattened*

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:lol:

The civil war one, and the declaration of independence got me laughing. Great post.

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Originally posted by Poop Man Bob

Uncle Jesse: Uh, maybe you didn't see my hair. It's f*&%ing sweet. I mean, I can go from an incredible mullet, to a semi "Butt Cutt" and still look sweeter than you, or your entire family, ever will.

hahaha, fucking bump. I'd Chupapprove it, but i'm far too lazy right now to go find that picture.

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Uncle Jesse's Diary

 

February 1, 2003--

 

Dear Diary

 

I woke up today with a cramp in my left calf muscle. I told it to go away, so it did. I got out of bed, and went to the video store where I rented "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory." Great movie. Becky said she didn't like it, but I told her that she did. I got on my computer and played Snood for a while. No, wait...I didn't...cause I'm not lame. Instead, I rocked the shit out! I sent Becky to Wal-Mart to pick me up some Skittles and some motor oil. While she was gone, I messed up the kitchen on purpose. I had some Cap'n Crunch and headed off to the mall. They were having a Dungeons and Dragons tournament. So, when everyone wasn't looking, I took a chain and tied them all up to the back of my hog and drove away with them. Then, I left them at Danny Tanner's house and told him to cook them dinner. He did. Then, I told him to cook me dinner. At first, he said he didn't want to...so I threw him off the roof of the library four times. Then, he wanted to. I went home to find that my dinner was cold, so I made Becky sit there and blow on it gently until it warmed up. It tasted like crap. Then, I went up to bed and beat American Gladiators for Nintendo four times.

 

Your Friend,

signature.gif

 

idrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurine

 

March 16, 2003--

 

Dear Diary,

 

Today I was extra sweet. I got up, and I watched Judge Dredd 3 times! Then, I had a brief pep-talk with my hair follicles, just to keep them in check. I had a hard time figuring out what to wear this morning, so I opted for the classic tight black jeans, cowboy boots, and white V-neck t-shirt with the ridiculously big, silver, cross necklace. And then Joey Gladstone came into my room mumbling something about Popeye, so I punched him in the head and made him bleed from his ears. Then I sat down and did my taxes. Actually, no...I've just decided that I'm never going to pay taxes because I'm sweeter than the government. I have better hair than everyone in the government, including Martin Van Buren. Then I took Nicky and Alex to the barber, and he gave them Lego haircuts...so I took that blue stuff that the combs were soaking in, and I rubbed it in his eyes. That'll teach him. I came back home, and Danny Tanner was all vacuuming the living room, so I put on his shoes and stepped in some dog shit and then walked across the floor. I thought he was going to cry. And then Stephanie Tanner came into my room when I was rockin' out to Sammy Davis Jr. and started whining about being in the fourth grade. So, I picked her up by the ankles and swung her around my head. Then, I went and ate a gyro and some Mountain Dew. That hit the spot. Then, I came home and looked at myself in the mirror and said "boy, I'm glad I'm really friggin' hot!" Then, I said my prayers and went to bed and dreamed about Danny Tanner driving his car off of a bridge.

 

Your Friend,

signature.gif

 

idrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurineidrinkurine

 

May 20, 2003--

 

Dear Diary,

 

What a day. I don't think I've ever been sweeter than I was today. Oh wait, I've been sweet all my life. When I got up this morning, Becky wasn't making me breakfast. I told her she was wrong for not making me breakfast, she apologized and got to cookin'. Her waffles tasted like crap. I told her she was wrong for making me bad waffles, and she apologized for that too. I was still hungry, so I went to Chipotle and got a burrito, but first I watched Judge Dredd 4 times. It got sweeter every single time I watched it. My burritos were sweet too. I was riding my hog home from Chipotle and I stopped into Paramount Studios and told them to make 3 more Judge Dredd movies. They will be released in theaters in 2004, 2006, and 2008. I actually told them what the movies would be about too. The first one would be about a sweet dude with sweet hair who rides on motorcycles and rocks out all the time. The second one would be about a sweet dude with sweet hair who parties with David Hasselhoff all the time. The third one would be about a sweet dude with sweet hair whose wife doesn't cook good waffles...so he sends her to jail! Those movies are going to be super sweet. I also suggested a complimentary comb with each ticket purchase, but then I realized that giving everyone combs would make everyone think their hair was sweet--which it isn't. So, instead of combs, they will get a swift kick in the ulna. That'll show em. After my sweet idea for the Judge Dredd sequels, I went home and rocked out with my guitar, cause that's what sweet dudes do.

 

Your Friend,

signature.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.wwujd.com/contactunclejesse_files/Uncle-Jesse-11.jpg'>

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O<span style='color:6BB1BD'>h no you didn't! :l:lol:l:</span>

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bump

uncle jesse

danny tanner

joey gladstone

dj tanner

stephanie tanner

michelle tanner

comet

rebecca donaldson

kimmy gibler

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