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Guest 007

My sick obsession with feces.

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Guest 007

I love taking shits. I come home and practicaly race to the toilet just to feel its soothing cold hard plastic seat against my sweaty ass. i always lean back and try to get my back as straight across the toilet seat so i can have a quailty shooting position. now instead of shooting out the crap fast, i urinate slowly (often flexing those dick muscles (i forgot what theyre called) thus creating that burning sensation that makes urinating more enjoyable also.) then i let the turds squeeze out as slow as possible because that feeling of poop sliding out of your ass is very painful, but one of those good pains like punching a wall. then if things get out of control, the shirt comes off, and maybe even all the clothing. i love shitting naked. then if all else fails, i reach for the towel rack and bite down on a nice thick polo towel, and try to choke on it. sometimes i reach over (long arm style) and turn the sink on and get just enough water to slick my eyebrows. that actually helps the shit come out faster if im constipated. now as far as diareah is concerned....i love it. as long as its in my own home. (public liquid poop sucks) i love feeling like a slurpie machine pumping out gallons of liquid feces that pours out so fast that it splashes back up in my ass. (i always wash my ass afterwards so no diseases follow.)

 

how much do you all love taking shits?

i could (and maybe will) go on about shit forever.

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Guest mopius

i have a soft toilet seat

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Guest jarryd

haha im with that poop then shower idea... i like my clean ass... blah

 

how many times do you all wipe your ass after you poop? i wipe as many times as i need to feel clean, usually 4 or 5...

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i remember in military school this guy..."fat guy" who smelt like hot ass....took a shit in the shower and didnt even know he did it...or at least thats what he said...

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Guest 007

dude i had a long ass shit like 10 minutes ago. it wrapped around and coiled up. if i woulda stretched it out it probably woulda been 2 feet long. have any of you caught your poop with your hands? i sometimes take a shit when im painting and catch it with a plastic glove then fling it at whoever im painting with. haha its funny. i hit this kid ian once and it went into the collar of his shirt. haha.

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Damn, and I thought I was the only one who LOVES taking shits. Ive always thought of opening a restaurant..but instead of food..the only thing on the menu is shit. For example, instead of lasagna..we have 'shit from a guy who ate lasagna'. And instead of bacon & eggs..we have 'shit from a guy who ate bacon & eggs'. This is a true story - I had to take a shit really bad while I was playin ball with 2 friends. I didnt feel like going inside..so I just took a shit on the side of the court in the grass.

When I started making farting noises everyone was laughing uncontrollably. When I was in kindergarten this one kid would always shit his pants. That was funny. We'd all just be sitting around in PE, and we'd see shit coming out of his shorts, like out the leg hole of the shorts. I love shit.

Correction..I LOVE SHIT SO FUCKING MUCH I WANT TO MAKE SWEET LOVE TO IT.

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Smellypoop.com,i discovered that site way back in the day.have you found the toilet poop yet?

 

------------------

1)TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

 

2)CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.

 

3)UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees

 

4)COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.

 

5)FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

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some of thats sick i just like shitting cause if relieves pressure i hate the burning when i have the runs some of you are sick fucks

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BUMP!

This is a good fuckin' thread...

 

BTW: You guys gotta try shitting in the backtanks of toilets in restaurants...it's the "shit"...just imagine the person cleaning it out!!!

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ah yes, i also like to poo, we must be warriors of the poo, you must teach your toilet to be your servannt.

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tofu> you must be reffering to "The upper tanker" ahhh what a classic.

 

also for other poo related fun try:

1."hide a dook" when at a house pary, take a dook somewhere in the house (a low key place) and then upon your departure write a note that says "i hid a dook" and leave it on the persons kitchen table or hang it up on the fridge. just think of how theyll feel when they realize theres a peice of shit hidden somewhere in their house.

 

 

2."the Xtreme dump" when at a school or public washroom, prop your self up between the two wall panels of the toilet. (both leags hanging over each side and your arms holding you up) then proceed to shit. it will fall rapidly and make a huge splash. becareful of other people taking shits next to you. they may be offended by you hanging over and shitting from mid-air.

 

thank you. good night.

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The second grade teacher sat at the front of the class, inspired, soothingly telling the involved children, who sat on the carpet in awe, a story about a little rabbit named Billy. As the story reached it's climatic finale, a strange, somewhat putrid odour filled the classroom. As the children rose from their spots on the comfortable rug, they were shocked to discover a large shit lying alone in the middle of the carpet. "Who could have possibly done this?" questioned one young boy? Nobody knew....

 

 

...And nobody ever did

 

100% honest to god true.

 

How the hell did some kid take a shit in the middle of the carpet without anybody noticing?

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you guys are sick, but 007 gets the award for throwing his shit at his friends... that's just wrong

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Originally posted by 007:

dude i had a long ass shit like 10 minutes ago. it wrapped around and coiled up. if i woulda stretched it out it probably woulda been 2 feet long. have any of you caught your poop with your hands? i sometimes take a shit when im painting and catch it with a plastic glove then fling it at whoever im painting with. haha its funny. i hit this kid ian once and it went into the collar of his shirt. haha.

 

AHHAHAHAHAH dude, you just made me laugh untill i cried, just imagining someone flinging feces at his freinds. Oh shit great thread.

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