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cantbefaded

ATTENTION PLANET EARTH: BUY TEH SCOOTER PLZ!!!

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<span style='color:"black"'>THIS IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST NEWS HEADLINE OF THE CENTURY! THIS ONE COMPANY HAS SCOOTERS!!! AND YOU CAN RIDE ON THE SCOOTERS AND THEY CAN TAKE YOU TO WORK!!! WHEEEEEEE!!~#!$@~ Seriously, though, if I see one more god damned "news story" about how wonderful the Segway scooter is, I'm going to... well, i don't know what I'm going to do, but it's going to be ugly.

 

See, the problem that I have with the Segway is not that it's lame, or ugly, or retarded. There are plenty of lame ugly retarded things out there that companies try to sell, and that's fine. They can buy up all the hour-long 2AM blocks of paid programming on the Discovery channel that they want. I get irritated when some stupid product that isn't even made yet gets "somehow picked up" by all the major news organizations in the world and for two weeks straight all you hear about is this scooter that you can't even buy yet. I suspect that Captain Segway hired some marketing firm, and some guy at that marketing firm made a deal with CNN and CBS and ABC and NBC and the New York Times and a bunch of other big news organizations to do stories on this scooter in exchange for a bunch of investor's money. That's the only rational explaination in my mind for why this thing keeps bubbling to the top of CNN's site. We are witnessing the blurring of the line between advertisements and news. Am I the only person who recognises the difference between a news story and an advertisement?

 

Some might say, "Well, this thing is technologically amazing. It balances itself and you just have to *THINK* in order to make it move!! OMG!~~$#" Yeah. That's great. The technology is amazing, but there is lots of other amazing technology out there that remains hidden on the back pages. Remember when they launched the Deep Space 1 probe using the ion propulsion engine? No? That's because it wasn't on the front page of every newspaper in the country and the top story on every news program for two weeks straight. The Segway is also ugly, and it's big. Where are you going to drive it around? It's too slow to go on a road, and you can't ride it down the sidewalk downtown because you'll run over peoples' feet. Plus, you've got to lug it up the elevator once you get to the office. Or, are they going to build special Segway parking lots? Or maybe scooter racks, kinda like bike racks. Nobody's going to buy this thing because it's stupid and I hate it and I hate you if you like it, so fuck you.

 

The thing that makes me the maddest is that their marketing scheme is WORKING! This CNN article talks about how 3 organizations in Atlanta have already ordered scooters so their people can ride around like kings, and the Georgia Legislature has passed traffic laws for these stupid things governing the speed they can go on sidewalks and streets. They've all been tricked into thinking that a $9000 scooter that will run for 1 hour on a 6 hour charge and only go a maximum of 15 miles is some kind of transportation revolution. The things are absolutely impractical. But, we live in a day and age of the Ford Excusion and Lincoln Navigator. Nothing has to be efficient or practical because society is a fashion show. It's more important to have the best looking lawn on the block than to worry about water conservation. It's better to bitch about rising oil prices and drive giant S.U.V.s that get 9 miles per gallon than to invest in an automobile that runs on cheap efficient alternative fuels. And no, plugging your scooter into the wall to charge it's battery when your electricity is generated by a coal-burning power plant doesn't count as an alternative fuel. It's more glamourous to ride on an expensive big-wheel scooter and run over other peoples' toes than to walk or ride a bike. The Segway is a symptom of a much larger problem in America. I dunno, maybe Europe's different.</span>

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you are the last person to complain about people bitching...

 

also, i don;t think anyone is going to deny that is all a lot of marketing... I don;t think the dude who made it would deny that. but the fact of the matter is, dude played his cards right, by keeping shit secret for so long, and getting important people to remark on how amazing it is, and is now getting a shit load of free advertising. i say congratulations to the guy for milking the mindlessness of most of the people in this country...

 

by the way, i'm pretty sure these things are available to buy now, you just don;t see a bunch opf em cuz they're expensive and shit, but they are available... that article you quoted is a year old...

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this is another excuse for fat people to be fat.

 

i also saw a pic of GW falling off of one. fun time.

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