Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
mental invalid

free will hunting.....rob

Recommended Posts

title of thread courtesy of sir beardo.......

 

i think i can actually see the sun outside......

 

 

 

 

 

 

Free Will Astrology

horoscopes for week of May 29, 2003

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

 

Writing in "Poetry Flash," critic Andy Brumer reminisces about the creative writing class he took with poet Stan Rice at San Francisco State University. "I remember sitting in class," he muses, "thinking this teacher is working harder at teaching than I am at learning." Please don't let a similar laziness overcome you, Aries. You're entering a phase when the educational possibilities are rich. To take advantage of them, you'll have to match the high intensity and fertile imagination of your teachers. (P.S. Your teachers may be in disguise, not necessarily calling themselves teachers.)

 

 

 

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

 

If you're a carpenter, this is a perfect astrological moment to get that 115-piece titanium-covered drill bit set you've had your eyes on. If you're a potter, it's prime time to get a state-of-the-art ceramic saw. If you're a political activist gearing up for a new direct-mail campaign against corporate corruption, you might consider buying the "Utne Reader's" mailing list. And if you're none of the above, Taurus, I suggest you acquire whatever tool will help you rise to the next level of professionalism in your chosen field.

 

 

 

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

 

When the bearded dragon lizard sits upright and cocks its head towards the heavens, Australian Aborigines know that rain will fall the next day. And when massive buds appear on the queen wattle plants, even the youngest members of the tribe can prophesy with confidence that brushfires will break out soon. I have a different system of signs, just as reliable, that tells me how to read your moods and trends, Gemini. For instance, last night I dreamed my oldest Gemini friend told me, "The bee fertilizes the flower it robs." Because I have had the very same dream other times over the years, usually late in the month of May, I have come to understand its predictive meaning: Many Geminis all over the world will soon commit a benevolent "theft."

 

 

 

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

 

Soon the planet Saturn will enter the sign of Cancer, where it will remain until July of 2005. During that time you will have excellent opportunities to become more skilled in finishing what you start. You'll find it easier to calm your restless heart and commit yourself to a single choice out of the hundreds of options that interest you. Say goodbye to mediocre pleasures and misaligned priorities, my fellow Crab! In the next two years, you will attract unexpected help any time you stop fiddling around on the peripheries and head straight to the core of the matter. Best of all, you'll finally figure out beyond a doubt where you truly belong -- as opposed to being half-sure of where you sort of belong.

 

 

 

Leo (July 23-August 22)

 

You've primed to commune much more intimately with the hidden source of power that fuels your life. In fact, you're close to meeting the requirements defined by visionary poet William Blake. He wrote: "Unless the eye catch fire, God will not be seen. Unless the ear catch fire, God will not be heard. Unless the tongue catch fire, God will not be named. Unless the heart catch fire, God will not be loved. Unless the mind catch fire, God will not be known." Your eye, ear, tongue, and heart are on the verge of igniting, Leo. Do whatever's necessary to make that happen, and your mind will burst into flame, too.

 

 

 

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

 

More than seven centuries before a few European men dared to sail beyond the safe boundaries of their known world, entire Polynesian families crossed vast expanses of the Pacific Ocean in catamarans. The first humans to arrive in Hawaii, they were led by "wayfinders." These miracle workers navigated the uncharted seas by reading star positions, discerning weather patterns, and interpreting the ocean's colors and movements. I want to make a connection between you and those pioneering souls, Virgo. In recognition of the brave, exploratory urges now ripening in you, I hereby give you the honorary title of "wayfinder."

 

 

 

Libra (September 23-October 22)

 

Good news, Libra: You will continue to be the beneficiary of expansive cosmic energies. In last week's horoscope, I compared these gifts to the power of the spoken Hawaiian language to open the heart and eyes of those who hear it. This time I propose several Hawaiian names for you to adopt as your own. They're all in alignment with your evolving destiny. You are hereby authorized to call yourself Kaohinani, which means "gatherer of beautiful things." You may also refer to yourself as Makaike, "to see with keen powers of observation;" or E'e'e, "to keep climbing over everything, as an active child;" or Wai-puhia, "wind-blown water, especially the spray of a waterfall." (Thanks to the book Hawaiian Names, English Names, by Eileen Root.)

 

 

 

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

 

In 1991, hikers in the Italian Alps discovered the largely intact body of a man who died 5,000 years ago. He'd been preserved in a glacier that had recently begun to melt. Since then, many women have asked to be given some of the iceman's frozen sperm so that they might become pregnant by him. (The director of the museum where his body is kept has so far turned down all requests.) While I don't recommend that you become one more seeker of this prehistoric insemination, Scorpio, I do suggest you pursue a metaphorically analogous quest in the coming weeks: Try to fertilize yourself through an intimate encounter with the past.

 

 

 

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

 

My acquaintance Jerry likes to play his guitar for the spinner dolphins that hang around Maui's La Perouse Bay. They appreciate it. When he runs out of songs, he often joins them for a convivial swim. One day four months ago, a commotion at sea moved Jerry to interrupt his concert. Paddling out for a closer look, he found a woman swimmer surrounded by the dolphins. The normally friendly creatures had hemmed her in, as if herding her. But when their buddy Jerry showed up, they parted their tight circle to let him through, and he was able to escort the woman back to shore. The two hit it off instantly, began dating, and recently got married. Why am I telling you this, Sagittarius? Because I predict that like Jerry, you'll soon receive extraordinary, maybe even non-human, help with your love life.

 

 

 

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

 

In 752 AD, the Japanese Empress Koken wrote a lyrical poem in praise of the eupatorium plant, whose leaves turn a vivid shade of yellow in summer. Recently, scientists punctured the illusion she was under, demonstrating that the lovely foliage of the eupatorium is caused by a disease virus. In my view, though, this shouldn't diminish our appreciation of either the poem or the plant. I've noticed that a lot of the world's beauty forms in response to a wound. In fact, I expect you're in the midst of that very process right now.

 

 

 

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

 

Our planet is running out of many essential resources, including fresh water and oil. Now the "Weekly World News" has reported yet another crucial shortage: the global supply of supermodels. "The original generation of supermodels is fading," the paper says, "and very few new ones are coming along to replace them. Soon the supermodel as we know it may become extinct." Can anything be done to avert this catastrophe-in-the-making? I'm not sure. But I do know that many of you Aquarians are exceptionally attractive right now, and likely to become even more so in the coming months. Might you therefore consider launching a career as a supermodel? At the very least, I suggest you look for ways to use your growing beauty to help save the world.

 

 

 

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

 

A century ago, the Hawaiian sugarcane industry required a ton of water to produce a pound of sugar. Since then, improvements in irrigation techniques have drastically reduced the excess. The ratio of water to sugar is now 1:1. In a similar development, it used to take me about 2,000 words of exploratory free-writing to arrive at a single 120-word horoscope. These days I typically have to churn out no more than 400 words in the process of distilling your weekly oracle. In yet another related development, Pisces, I predict you'll soon make a comparable move towards less waste and greater efficiency in your own area of expertise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and my weekly contribution....

 

Aries: (March 21—April 19)

Though it's noble that you became an accounts adjuster to make the world a better place, it remains unclear exactly how that's going to happen.

 

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)

Your problem isn't merely that you love your money more than you love your friends, but that you only have a few hundred bucks.

 

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)

Keep in mind that it's important to set goals so you feel appropriately pathetic when you fail to achieve them.

 

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)

You'll make major waves in the show-biz world when you launch a show called The E! Completely Fabricated Hollywood Story.

 

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)

Heartbreak is in the stars for you this week when the woman of your dreams confesses she cannot love a man with such an unholy appetite for pie.

 

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)

You've had your picture in the paper before, but never in connection with a catastrophic bridge collapse.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)

Your colleagues will begin referring to you as the greatest mind they've ever encountered, in much the same way people call the fat guy Tiny.

 

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)

Sometimes, one must be cruel to be kind. From now on, it's best to assume this is the case until proven otherwise.

 

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

You've spent your whole life running from yourself, but considering that it's a murderous cyborg version of yourself from an alternate-universe post-nuclear future, that's understandable.

 

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)

Some problems can't be solved by retreating into drugs and alcohol, but thankfully, yours aren't that kind.

 

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)

A team of paramedics won't have the heart to revive you after finding your gin- and sex-drenched body floating happily in a country-club pool.

 

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)

Remember, it's not how hard you beat the goat, but whether the goat you're beating is on fire.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I was a pisces after reading

 

"Remember, it's not how hard you beat the goat, but whether the goat you're beating is on fire."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: and my weekly contribution....

 

Originally posted by Kilo7-

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)

Your problem isn't merely that you love your money more than you love your friends, but that you only have a few hundred bucks.

 

sheeeeeeit i'm broke:o

 

but money has no value to me cuz i have everything i need for the next like 5 hours...

 

i only have 6 ciggs left:(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

no no no.....

 

I wish I was a Libra!

 

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)

Your colleagues will begin referring to you as the greatest mind they've ever encountered, in much the same way people call the fat guy Tiny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by mental invalid

you'll soon receive extraordinary, maybe even non-human, help with your love life.

You're a couple weeks too late with that one Rob.

Sorry about Memorial Day Roe... you know how work goes.

Perhaps next time I can meet up with you and the Beard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest imported_El Mamerro

Damn, Rob's Cancer horoscope resonates so much for me it's not even funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest KING BLING

dying trends need life...Geminis steal shit

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i'm born on august the 23rd

 

and im either a leo or virgo

 

ive heard that this occurance is called a cusp

 

what does this mean and which star sign am i

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cap- I've noticed that a lot of the world's beauty forms in response to a wound. In fact, I expect you're in the midst of that very process right now.

 

thats actually a good line

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Register for a 12ozProphet forum account or sign in to comment

You need to be a forum member in order to comment. Forum accounts are separate from shop accounts.

Create an account

Register to become a 12ozProphet forum member.

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×